Also haven't been sleeping good for couple months worrying bout this

No, you are not being selfish. He just does not have the time to give you what you need because he is the primary parent and his kids are so little.
He is doing the right thing paying as much attention to them as possible to make them strong and secure so later on during teen years they dont become little felons with mommy issues.
You must decide if it is worth for you to stick by him through this.
I would talk to him and explain that you need to have couple time in a relationship and i dont think it is unreasonable to have 4 days a month for just the two of you for date nights. If he is unwilling to even bother to hire someone to watch them, then you know that things are not going to be good for you.
I just don't have this notion of " putting children first". I love my kids and they definitely need my love and care and mentoring but i also want them to learn that other people around them have needs that need to be met and they are a part of the circle rather than the top of the pyramid.

Thank u. I appreciate your input.

"they are a part of the circle rather than the top of the pyramid."

I absolutely love this. I think your approach is honestly the healthiest. We dont want to teach our children that they are the center of the universe and the absolute most important. That leads to unrealistic expectations when they get out into the real world.
I've honestly never thought of it this way until just now.

Thabk you, Shine .. We shall see how my kids turn out later..
Right now it is working well with my oldest, but i am having a really tough time with my youngest..

Children aren't stupid. If a parent puts them "on top of the pyramid" they are not going to think the world is going to put them there. They will grow secure in the knowledge that at least one person in the world puts them first. It will give them strength to face the cruel unfair world.

If the opposite were true. This site wouldn't be filled with all the parent resentment stories we read on a daily basis...

anywho...back to the OP

I would keep my options open. his kids are very young so things aren't likely to improve for awhile

Sue - depends on the kid.
Its up to the parents to take the best approach with their own child, and its no ones place to judge anothers child-rearing.

Theres nothing wrong with either parenting style. They just may not mesh very well for two parents of differing styles trying to form any sort of life together.

I agree that putting your kids first does NOT create children with unrealistic expectations. My kids ARE the centre of my world, they know for a fact when the world is real and nasty, they have a safe place to be.

But this fella though may be amazing, is not in the same place as you. I would suggest you kindly let him know although you think he's delightful, it just isn't a relationship you have faith in due to your different views of the world and need to extract before you become more emotionally invested.

This isn't selfish, I think it's just self-preservation. Blending a family is difficult enough, making it work with such different (neither are wrong, just different!) isn't something that would be positive for anyone.

I wish you the best of luck.

Wow what a great point aronia. Part of the circle, a great concept to teach our children! Imagine how thoughtful they will be when their older, "my mom needs some mom time." wouldn't that be amazing to hear! Lol

@frustrated I agree with aronias suggestion about 4 days a month. Its great you've found a dedicated father but if he wants you in his life he should definitely make an effort to have some alone time with you. If he can't do that you might have to analyze the situation and decide if you can continue the relationship the way it is, at least for a few years until the kids are older.

Well maybe its just an issue where I live that people I know who were the center of mom and dads universe as children grew up to be spoiled brats as adults then, lol!

Funny, A guy I used to date used to stress how his son was the most important thing in his life, I would never be anywhere even close, blah blah blah, that I didn't know what these feelings were like because I had never been a parent and that I needed to just accept the fact that his priority would always be to his son. Other people said that I was being selfish if I wanted to feel important to someone so I let it drop, even though it did bother me. Why is it that we ALL want someone to love us and cherish us and tell us we are number one, but when kids come into the picture, we are supposed to settle for being way down the priority list? I just don't understand it. And oh yeah, he was TOTALLY against the "every kid is special thing". Uhm, I guess he meant that in regard to other kids. His kid did not apply. So yeah, still trying to find someone who makes me feel important and not like just an option. It sucks, but oh well. I rather be single than in a relationship where I am not all that important.

Dating for 9 months and he wouldn't watch fireworks with you?
That is ridiculous. It wasn't affecting his kids at all to spend a special holiday with you since he wasn't even with them.
I think your son is sensing his true nature.

I jusy want to add to what i said about the " kids first " subject.
In my culture parental love and dedication existed simultaneously with teaching the children to give to others, to put needs of others before your own and it worked. I had a really screwed up childhood, but because of where and how i grew up, i never felt like i didnt belong.

To keep a marriage strong it is not helpful to make the father or the mother feel second best. Noone wants to feel second best .

At the table we are taught to take the closest piece, not the largest, and it doesnt mean that the one with the closest piece will starve.
There has to be a balance.

Yeah.. and where I live the kids who's parents divorce and think they deserve to go out and be the Belle of the Ball grow up to have issues.

It's always something!

Wow! Thanks for all your comments. I guess the fireworks thing did really bother me. I do have to realize if I stay with him that his kids are gonna be his top priority. And they should be. My son is very important to me but I also try to make time for family etc. I have just felt real lonely lately. Not sure if it is the situation or I'm just not as interested in him anymore. I guess Ijust wanna feel really wanted.