Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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help!

ninetyone
ninetyone
How to attract a healthy relationship? I seem to always attract unhealthy ones. I attract awful guys that lie, cheat, treat me like shit, etc. My mother tells me that I need to read people better and not allow anyone in my life or have a relationship with just any guy... but she is wise and experienced.. I seem to not know how to do that. So what can I do to help me read someone better? Do I not pay enough attention to people and every little action and word? What can I change to attract "better" people in my life..
jaymee4647
jaymee4647
have you thought about going to an IC. It may help to figure out why you choose the way you do.
september2014
september2014
It's a small start, but wait a bit longer before becoming exclusive with someone. Go on several dates with them and keep your eyes open. Did they say or do anything that you wouldn't be too fond of in the long run? Don't chalk things up as nervousness or awkwardness.

Anything that makes you get that feeling in your gut that puts you off. and if the guy takes you out and makes it feel as if he's doing you a favor, just forget about it. There's a big difference between confidence and just being a cocky, self-absorbed ass.
1Tater
1Tater
Love yourself first. Then you'll know the person best suited for you. Once I learned that, it was easy
koolman
koolman
Agree with Tater. YOU are the person best suited for you. Others can come and go as they may. The other who compliments you will be someone who BRINGS, ADDS, GIVES something positive, nurturing, encouraging, TO you.
Lenoire
Lenoire
Write down all the things that the men in your past did in your "unhealthy relationships".

Analyze the list and cross reference them, look for patterns. Use it as your guide to select and deselect those you want to get closer to. When one who you've selected starts to display patterns on your deselect list, deselect them.

I wish you well, oh and listen to your mother.
foundlove
foundlove
Yes, I agree with others, focus on yourself and love yourself; put your needs first, and only let people in your life who are meeting your standards. Set standards for yourself, write them down, and stick to them. When meeting people, taking things slow, get to know them real good before jumping into relationship/intimacy. Friends first, I think is better.