I think it's good that they are not saying inappropriate things to each other. I wonder why she felt the need to keep it hidden from you for a year? I'm glad she told you now. I think a positive response from you could help her understand that it's okay to talk with you about her life. I kept a lot of things hidden from my parents, but I wish I had felt more comfortable talking to them about the very adult problems I was facing. I wouldn't worry about their chances (let them figure out on their own that love is hard), but I would stay close to your daughter and talk with her about this experience for however long it lasts.

So...you prepare her. Just like you got her her immunizations and helped her learn to read.

Yes, she'll probably be disappointed. So you discourage them from moving in together when he first gets here. Or if they do, you look for a renting situation where it's month to month, rather than a year's lease. And just like meeting anyone new...you hope that most of their time will initially be spent in the company of other people.

If he hits her...you have an open door policy 24/7.

Oh I reread your post, he's 16 now? Okay, so she'll still be living under your roof...all the better. But pretty much the same advice for the rest. Open door policy, birth control (if they go there).

My rule with my kids is that they'll be ready for sex when they're old enough to sit at the kitchen table with me and discuss what they'll do if there's a pregnancy.

If someone is going to be devastated if there is an abortion, or if one wants to keep the baby...now's the time to know.

Kids are gonna do what they're gonna do, so let 'em. She obviously has some deep emotional needs that this boy is fulfilling. Educate her on the wonderful virtues of birth control and tell her to get some money ahead before having kids. I don't know why she'd be disappointed after meeting the guy in person, his looks or behavior didn't live up to the fantasy she built up in her head through their written communication before they met, but just say nobody's perfect and you're here for her if she needs you.

We talked about the possibility that this may not work out because they have 2 years to go still. She is ready for whatever may come.
We talk about sex and women's bodies and kids and emotional aspects of a relationship..
As of right now, both of my kids want to wait to have sex until marriage. I know it is completely unrealistic these days, but I would rather have them try than not and my phylisopht is exactly like yours, Patti : " before you choose to have sex with your partner, ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk that this person will forever be the parent of your child? " " are you ready to be tied to them for the rest of your life ?"
I discourage abortion and focus more on prevention , but I let the kids know that I will help them with whatever they choose to do.

It sounds like she's a wonderful young woman Aronia and she may get hurt... None of us escapes that.... I think with long distance online relationships our brain fills in what we want it to be so the relationships are often perfect....
It sounds like they are both together kids and have ambition so who knows where it may go and you sound like a really good mom!... Big hug...xo

I think you just have to keep the communication open between you and her so that whatever comes of this, she's telling you first, talking about her feelings with you, etc. They are both just kids ans she's so young. A lot can happen over the next two years. While he's physically older, as a boy, his maturity level is probably on par with hers. I would feel completely different about this scenario if he closed together but since for now, as long as you know what's going on, it seems innocent enough but if it were me, I'd be monitoring closely.

I think preparing your child for sex is important but encouraging waiting is just as important. I think it requires constant reinforcement because what they seem to understand and believe today can go completely out the window tomorrow.

As far as not wanting her to be disappointed, I think that's natural, but being disappointed, that's how you learn to survive and thrive even when things hurt, even when things don't work out. It's important to go through that. In fact, I wish more parents let their kids experience a bit of that, in that it prepares them for adulthood. It's not that you want them to be disappointed, but that if we protect them too much, how will they ever learn to cope when things get hard, to handle themselves when things don't turn out they way they want, etc.

Wow... My daughter said to me today that she knows that he may not be there. She said : " I told him he is free to go be with someone else at any time " and apparently the boy told her no, and he is working to save money for a ticket to see her and so far he put away 400$.
She said she is not in a rush to get married young and if they make it for 2 more years , she wants to get to know him in real life before she will even consider having sex.
How did my little girl become a woman overnight ?? These are such grown up decisions !!!! I am SO proud .

I think its great you reached out and saw some concerns.
My concerns are first, that she was sexting at 10. You did say she got help which was awesome. I would also think you mentioned this to her pediatrician because hypersexuality (which sexting is at 10 years of age) can be organic in nature. I assume the therapist and/or pediatrician ruled out anything clinically.

I think its not abnormal for a 13 year old girl to develop feelings for a boy; however, my concern would be how she would process these feelings. A 13 year old girl is not developed enough intellectually to be able to separate what real love is and what is 'puppy love' if you will or what is sexual interest/manipulation.
You did say you saw him on skype, you verified this, and are certain he is really the age he states he is (I am assuming 16 if he is going to college to in two years). I would be concerned of his mention that he wants to buy a plan ticket to see your daughter. Have you spoken to his parents to clarify all of this? If my 16 year old son was talking to a 13 year girl online (again, not alot of 16 year old boys are interested in girls that are 13...but...you have seen him and verified this age) and then planning to 1) not only go to another state for college to be with her, but 2) buying a plane ticket to visit her, I'd want to know. It wouldn't be out of the question if the next time you speak to him on skype to just say, "Hey you guys are developing quite a friendship and are exchanging a lot of ideas, do you mind if I connect with your mom or dad?" I would. I think as parents its our responsibility to be aware. Both are still minors (I hope he is....I really, really do).

I think that if it all checks out (and believe me I would be VERY concerned if a 16 year old wanted to fly out and meet my 13 year old girl), I would also be making sure that she isn't getting too involved in this. Does she have other friends, is she active socially with girls her own age, does she participate in extracurricular activities such as sports or clubs? If her main source of entertainment is talking online, I would be concerned.

Please also know that if this boy is older, she may have shown you the texts or skypes messages, but there are also other programs KIK and Snapchat to name a few, that erase immediately and there is no trace. It would be surprising a 16 year old boy is having generic conversations with a 13 year old girl so much that he wants to get a plane ticket to come see her.

I'm taking another twist on this......her intuition may be telling her something is not right here and she is reaching out to you for help. I'd talk to his parents.

He will be 16 in October and I will definitely talk to his parents. My daughter said that if he came, he would come with his mother.
I really kind of like this idea, because this is SO old school and his mother and I are both from similar cultures. She is Mexican and I'm Russian.
I m sure his mother is also worried about this relationship, but on the other hand - they are not having sex and both have a goal of going to college and focusing on school and sports, which is a good thing.

I agree with shoretimenow, Aronia a lot going on here...Hell yesterday I was helping out a neighbor who asked me to watch her 9 yr old while she ran to the school....The girl was watching a movie that she had watched before with her mom.....there was a scene when a large dog "GreatDane" jumped into the car the little girl asked me did you see the size of those balls he hit her in the face.....there as big as plums!!!! I nearly fell out of my chair.....I was speechless yes 9yrs old!!! When the mom got home and the child was in another room...I told her the story, she smiled and said I know that is her favorite part!!! The movie I think was titled "the other woman" WTF I guess I'm getting old..lol

I agree^. You wouldn't believe how many parents I have seen have Jerry Springer on in ear shot of their children. Our children are growing too quickly. that's for sure.

As for these teenagers, they may not be having sex yet, but when alone in the same room, with teenage hormones raging it will most probably be a different story.

I'm sure you will talk to your daughter about safe sex and birth control. Even the nicest, academically excelled girls who thought they could wait until marriage DO get pregnant or STDs..

Haha Yorman ... out of the mouths of babes!!... I can remember walking with my dog and my niece when she was about 4 and her looking at me and saying Dallas has a penis

I think it's normal for kids age 13-14 to have some intensely emotional relationships. I was like that at 14 (although it ended quickly). I sometimes check my son's phone, and I see the same type of intimacy with his girlfriend, but now it's done over text. I think if it were my daughter, I'd be relieved that the boy was too far away to try to have sex with her right now. I think she'd find another first love if she had not found this one. Of course it is great that you are going to meet the parents...I'm not saying you shouldn't worry, just that it could be a lot worse. I'm glad she told you about it.

I agree, I think 13/14 year olds can have intensely emotional relationships, but they cannot process them like you and I can. Their brains have just not reached that level of maturity. The OP has identified that she is a good child who has had a complicated childhood. I think she should tread carefully with a lot of guidance from her main support, her mom.