Yes, I understand the feelings! I would try to get my thyroid levels balanced, find the set points and go from there. Hopefully things improve soon.

Another suggestion, see how your Progesterone, Estrogen, and Testosterone levels are. Maybe these are low?

I couldn't use the natural Progesterone cream, because it raised the Estrogen levels up which caused problems with raising the T3.

Take care... {{{hugs}}}

I don't know how my progesterone, estrogen or testosterone levels are. I haen't had those tested. I did just start the birth control patch (ortho evra) a couple months ago, although I didn't have any interest before that.

What is the progesterone cream? I haven't heard of that.

My last labs, in november my levels were coming into range (t4, I think was in range, t3 was close) I'm due for more labs next month.

I wonder if I should ask to get those other levels tested? Would that be something that I'd go through my obgyn for or would the endo do it?

IT's just since you are in your early 30s, of course there is no talk of the estrogen levels, of the follicule stimulating hormones etc. It is assumed you are in the peak of your female state (which I agree with), but it wouldn't hurt to check for:

FSH levels (Follicule Stimulating Hormone)
Oestrogen
LH (Luteinizing Hormone, that triggers ovulation).

My Dr is checking those right now - only because I asked her. (And I'm 45). These are menopause-related tests, and I think they will come normal for you.

The lack of libido could be -

because you are too busy with 2 very small kids (been there, still am, they drive you tired) plus the housework on top of that;

I don't believe that couples can keep the lust forever (I'm very skeptical when I hear of a 10, 20-year old couple who do it daily);

- depression can kill any sex desire, and Graves comes hand in hand with depression in most cases.

I'm not sure if your councellor realizes what Graves means, and that it borders on depression, and all the while you have to have energy to look after 2 small kids, and clean clean clean. Take a man, give them 2 babies, make him wash dishes/floors non-stop, he won't last long WITHOUT a disease.

I'm only 28 ( I guess that is nearing 30 *sigh*)
My husband is being treated for depression as we speak (he just started taking generic celexa a couple months ago 20mg, 30mg and now 40mg a day).

I just don't know what to do, if there is anything I can do. My endo appt isn't until feb 25th. I wonder if I should call the obgyn (who is in town here - my endo is an hour away) and ask if they can evaluate those hormones?

I agree with nonono...life style and situation has a lot to do with your lack of libido. When I think back on my life and when I was where you are at..I was dealing with the same issues. I cant imagine dealing with all of that as well as having this disease. You need to give yourself a break. Desire for sex in a healthy supportive relationship has its cycles as well.

So, where does your responsibility end and your husbands begin? I cant think of anything that would turn off the desire switch faster than a non supportive partner. It does take 2 to create problems in a relationship. My husband and I broke up and divorced for 2 years after being together for 21 years. It took that separation for us to realize what it was that we had thrown away. We have been back together now for almost 3 years. During that time apart we had the opportunity...with the help of a good counselor...to see how each of us contributed to the break down of our marriage. But that was after our divorce not before. He showed no interest in fixing things before. He was sure life would be so much better on his own...NOT...

For me...the lack of support, help, romance and just positive input was the sex breaker for me. My husband spent more time and effort with his fellow employee's and guy friends than me, our home and family. He constantly pointed out all the things I did wrong rather than compliment me on what was right. That type of criticism can eat away at your feeling of self worth and image.

There are many good counselors out there. Just like finding a good Endo you may have to shop around for a good counselor. A bad counselor can do more harm than good. I highly recommend finding a counselor specializing in Solution Focused Brief Therapy. I feel its important to learn how to separate what is yours and what is your husbands stuff. We women tend to take it all on as ours.

Good luck with all of this...if all else fails you will have the tools to focus on yourself and your children's emotional needs and stay strong and whole no matter what happens. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Low Libido is one of the consequences of Graves and listed as one of the symptoms. Not only are your thyroid hormones out of balance but so are your other hormones as well. This is totally "beyond your control" at this time until you get your balance back.
Getting your spouse to understand more about the disease can help but it does not always help take away the neglected feelings he will experience from time to time. This is absolutely not your fault!!! Your marriage councelor sure could use some education about this disease as well. I can't believe she would tell you that "" you need to get into it"" prior to obtaining information about this disease! WHAT A QUACK!!!!!!
When you feel horrible, it's hard to get into anything....including your daily activities, job, family or anything you did routinely prior to acquiring this disease.
I suggest you have a one on one with this councelor...print off some information for her to read and give her the benefit of understanding that you have a medical condition. If she is not receptive to this.....then by all means find another councelor.
I will message you with some material for you to print off and share with your councelor as well as your spouse! It should be beneficial for both of you.
Hang in there Sahm!! I know exactly how you feel and you are not alone in this at all!!!

I agree, find another therapist. Having GD alone is very tiring and frustrating at time. Try adding RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) and it's even harder!

My hubby and I are lucky to 'get together" for twice a week with the raising of the children we have at home. The two older boys ages 19 and 16 can manage their own lives and do a pretty good job of that. We are concentrating a lot on the 13 yo (who has the symptoms of ADD and his lack of focus around himself and others) and the active 8 yo.

We also attend church activities and church twice a week which is time consuming. Then we have soccer practices to attendas well as Saturday morning bowling. I am a mom's taxi every single day. Sometimes I do drive into the early evening hours. I have to rest a lot during the daytime to prepare for the late afternoons and early evenings.

Take care... :-)

Wow! You have been given some really great advice. Kathy....YOU should be a counselor! Remember it's not so much Graves but sometimes going into hypo ranges can make you have NO interest in sex. Most people who are hypo say this over and over. If your levels are fine, then go from there with this other great advice.When is the last time you had labs, how much are you on? You have a lot on your plate and you're so young...I hope the counseling will help. Don't lose faith...if you really love each other you will get through this. I think sometimes this age in life with all it's responsibilities and things is harder on a marriage...with the kids etc.. if you can get through this, I promise you things do get better as you age. You grow to appreciate each other and laugh at your own faults. You relax with each other and accept things.

Thanks everyone. Right now I'm on 5mg methimazole, twice a day, so 10mg total each day. My last labs were on Nov. 11 and my TSH 0.01 (0.34-5.60) FT4 0.80 (0.58-1.64) FT3 3.3 (2.0-3.5)
I was taking 20mg a day, and at those last labs I went down to the 10mg/day.

my husband has been having a lot of anxiety and depression that has been getting worse over the years. He finally said he thought the problem was our marriage (I had been trying to get him to go see a shrink for his depression) and he told me he thought we needed to go to marriage counseling, so I agreed. The first visit the counselor told him he was clinically depressed, so he finally went to a psychiatrist and got some celexa. That has helped some with our issues. He has had to up his dosage twice already, though because it stops working. He gets mad when he doesn't "get any" for a week or two, but then gets mad when I just "lay there" Damned if you do, damned if you don't, you know?

So, he of course likes this therapist pretty well because she almost always sides with him on the issues, like the sex thing. And last night I tried to get into it, but just couldn't! I am at my wits end, you know? I want my marriage to work, but I just don't know what to do anymore. Then I get mad and think "shouldn't other things be more important than sex??" WHy should I HAVE to do it if I don't want to, you know?

When I was first diagnosed with Graves (late summer 08) I sent him the "living with graves" for family members article and when I asked him about it later he said "it sounded like a woman wrote it who didn't want to take responsibility for anything" Then I asked him if he read the part that said people with graves are often considered hypochondriacs (he has always called me that) and he said "oh no I didn't see that part" so that told me he didn't even read the whole thing. He definitely hasn't been the most supportive through this. He FINALLY just went to my last dr appt back in november, but that was after mentioning it in our counseling session that I didn't think he really cared too much about it.

I'm glad to hear all of your thoughts and know that its not just me. Thanks for all your comments. Hopefully it will get better.

I have my script for my next labs, I'm supposed to do them next month before my dr appt, but I might go ahead and do them to make sure I'm not hypo.

Hi Laura:

How long have you and your hubby been together? I've known my hubby since I was 18 and we've been together for just about 28 years and married just about 25 years now.

After reading the latest post of yours, I would definitely suggest finding another marriage counselor who does not 'take sides'. I've had GD for over 8 years now and RA for over 16 years now. There were 'adjustments' that hubby and I had to make.

Life isn't about everything being rosy, fine and dandy. Life is meant to learn how to cope with anything that comes up. Think of living your life as and learning how to do things down here on Earth. Why not even think of living life and going to school here on Earth. Think of every day as a 'school' day. :-) Learn to handle anything that gets thrown at you.

I often wondered that if I had gotten ill with GD in my 20s, would my hubby then be able to handle it at the age he was at? Sometimes maturity and the ages when everything happened makes a difference.

I will be rooting for you and wish you success.

{{{hugs}}} :-)

I know I worry about my Libido when it comes to my partner. He is VERY understanding about my situation. My libido comes in spurts. If I am in 'the mood' it doesn't last long so it's either now or wait until it happens again. Sex aside we are still close. We cuddle on the couch when we watch movies, hold hands while driving places or walking in the mall. We have many affectionate ways to let each other know we love each other, it isn't about sex. It's about love for us and I just try to show him every day that I have not lost interest in him just sex.

Also I agree with the others, if this counsler is being one sided that you need to find a new one.

We have been married for over 5 years, together over 7 years. I'd like to find a new one, too, but I don't think he'll be interested in finding a new one/ we'd have to "start over" with talking about everything. Plus, we live in a really tiny town and there aren't too many options for us.

Laura - first let me apologize for thinking you were in your 30s :) I just remembered that you were young, and I guess thirties is still young, so you have a lot of youth still ahead of you :)

So it's your hubby who's having a depression... It's a cliche to think that a depressed person wouldn't be interested in life pleasures, but I guess not in this case.

There is a relationship board I read, and there, when a poster raises a problem of boyfriend/hubby being insensitive or un-responsive to his partner's needs, or not understanding enough, of course all the "online advisors" unite in the "get rid of him" song. But it's easy to say, and any relationship is so much more complicated, with love that is still there, with good moments that do not show through when a person describes the problem.

Have your tried (with or without your therapist) to break this problem into small layers? Like one layer can be - let's look at this without the diseases you both have. Many couples have imbalance in sex appetite. One partner may want more, and there are ways to talk it out, to understand what each wants, and come to a middle-point solution (a bit less for the hungrier person, a bit more than needed for the other).

Then there is a layer where there should be an understanding (again, through talking to each other) in how insensitivity affects a person in every way - in making her feel worse, lowering self-esteem, and of course the bed becomes farther on her mind.

Another layer is understanding of each other's day tasks. Have you seen that estimate of stay-at-home-mom's duties and salary, if she got paid? She's a chef, a nurse, a caregiver, an event planner, a child educator, a chauffer, a janitor, a decorator, a sport trainer, a cheerleader, a CEO running a small corporation? What would a person running it all in one day would want at the end of the day? Donning on a French maid costume and pleasing yet one more person? Or a back rub, a "Honey, lay down, I will wash the dishes"? Which one would put her in a sexy mood better?

There is a lot of understanding should perspire, through communication. If you feel that the therapist is siding with him and basically they both brainwashing you ("They must be right... I'm not good enough... I'm not worthy enough... I don't do much enough...") - that is so so wrong. Whatever your gut feeling tells you, that something is wrong here, - it is.

Those above problems are common to the majority of couples. Now we add layers of your both diseases. I find it outrageous that your husband, the clinically depressed man, is the one who calls you names - "the hypohondriac". Grrrrrrr! I'm sure he demands accomodation for his disease or mood, doesn't he?????

I'm sure you want to stay together and have more kids - but those layers have to be talked, talked, and talked over. Until even the boniest-headed person gets it - that people are not anumals who can cover each other at any moment. There are so many things that influence our mood, desires, intentions. They say about the importance of communication. It is so much! And even better - putting the partner in your shoes from time to time. The best would be going away for a couple of weeks, leaving everything, and I mean, everything, up to him to run. If that's not possible - just exchange weeks - one week you just close your door and spend your time re-juvenating inside, reading a book, going to see a movie, whatever, - with him in charge.

That was long, if I think about something else, I'll add.

Hey sahm...I read your post on Elaine's site. I thought the answer she gave was great. I hope her advise is helpful to your situation. It does make sense. Being hypo really sucks in more ways that one. Good luck with it...Kathy

A couples councelor is supposed to be a mediator and remain neutral!!! There should never be any hint of siding with one or the other!! EVER
I suggest you have a single visit with this councelor (without your spouse) and discuss your disease and bring some literature for her to read. I think you owe it to yourself to do that much. People have no clue about the disease unless they've experienced it.
I always say that if a person can walk a mile in my shoes then they know what I'm dealing with.... if not >>>>>>>
Then they can shut the *&%#!@@** up.