Its nerve wracking to think that my daughter may have another child, her son lives with his dad and daughter (2 and 1/2) with me. I know I couldn't say no - but I also know that other members of the family would step in to help if it came to that.
As for financial aid, in Australia all kinship carers are paid the same as foster parents - currently $267.00 a fortnight in my home state. She also gets free medical care and I can 'apply' for extras like swimming lessons etc.
I am considered her 'carer' I am NOT her guardian, the government is - therefore the government has 'custody' and I am the nominated carer.
If I was to get custody then I would not be eligible for anything from the state government but a little through the federal.

mommymamma....are your gk's in the DFCS system, do you have a social worker? The way it worked for us, we saw the writing on the wall, DFCS was talking to the kids & we knew the babies would be taken & put in the system. So we got a lawyer & stepped in & took custody to prevent them from being in the system at all. We did deal with a social worker for a couple of months, and she offered my s/d all kinds of benefits & rehab, which of course, were turned down by my idiot s/d. Sorry, that slipped. ;) Anyways...after a couple of months, the kids were in our legal temporary custody, so they were no longer in danger from the parents, so the file was closed. I thought was great at the time, now I'm thinking they could have helped & been an advocate for more if I'd been thinking straight.

If I could go back, knowing what I know now...I would have let DFCS take the children & then get custody through them. Go through the foster program, get whatever benefits I could get, plus I think they'll set you up with counselling as well for you and/or kids. I too was pretty irritated when I heard about this great *new* grandparent assistance GA was doing, they were revamping & adding extra services for all the grandparents out there. Only thing is that you have to qualify in so many ways. We qualify for *nothing*!! Thanks alot!! *sarcasm intended*

My dh & I have talked about this as well, and if she got pg again, we just simply could NOT take the baby. It's hard, b/c it's your grandbaby, but you have a responsibility first to the children under your care already, and a smaller responsibility to your dh. Are these dh's grandkids as well? I know some men don't really like having to change their life for 'step gks'. I'm a step-grandma, and I often feel that if I didn't advocate for them, nobody would. How's that for family?? Seriously though, I would push for adoption. There are so many options available, she can have as much contact or as little as she wants. You can choose the family. Everything is open now a days, unless the birthmom insists on the baby not knowing. We tried to get our s/d to adopt out her first baby, to a family member she loved, but she wouldn't do it. Then when things got real hard here & I was thinking I can't do it all, we considered adoption for at least one, if not both babies, again we knew of very close family friends who wanted to adopt, were already approved & actually preferred older babies/toddlers; wouldn't have anything to do with the idea. With her, it's almost an attitude of "By God, these are MY kids, and I will NOT let someone adopt them! But hey, it's cool Dad that you're taking care of my kids for me...just don't look for any assistance & don't ask me for child support & don't ask me about adoption again, even if it's you wanting to adopt them." The kids are thought of as property almost, these are *their kids* and they want mommy & daddy to raise them for them, but don't even think about terminating any parental rights, b/c they belong to THEM. No, they're not doing one single self-less act of love, but they expect all the positive benefits of being a mom anyways.

Ok, I climbed up on my soapbox there, didn't mean to. :) I really need to hide that durn soapbox, so I'm not always dragging it around. lol

If you feel like you cannot let someone else adopt the baby, then I suggest praying hard, if you pray. I was there a while back, dh really didn't want these kids, he thought it was going to be a quick, short term job. He didn't want permanent custody or adoption. I felt like they were family & we had to care for them. So I prayed, I just prayed that if God wanted us to permanently care for these kids, to please soften dh's heart, and make him more open to the idea. If He had another plan for the babies, then please let me know, so I'm not pushing for something that I think is right. Sure enough, within a week or two, dh slowly started talking about it, considering it as a last resort, and he's reached the point now where he realizes these babies would be traumatized by any more bouncing around. It's us, or the parents. Mother, more precisely, as sperm donor hasn't been seen since the TPO was taken out on him against the mom. He was still allowed supervised visits w/kids, but not once has he asked for it. Ok, I've rambled on & on, didn't mean to. I'm up b/c I have a fever, my back's killing me, and my sleeping pill isn't working. I have taken a sleeping pill, so I hope I don't say anything strange tonight! lol
Hugs,Shelli

SC, you mentioned you can't afford the daycare. In our state, the daycare IS covered, if you go through services. We get a small monetary amount, but we do get complete daycare - well, almost complete.

I did try to get occasional respite care, since I live alone and have no family that will take my g/s when I have an appointment or even just a social function. They said they could only provide it if it was on a set schedule.....like every other Sat, or one weekend a month. Yeah, I'll just tell everyone to plan their social functions around me! lol. Do they realize what babysitters charge these days!!! :(

Shelli, no my granddaughter who has lived with me since birth, doesn't have a social worker. Her mother and I have an agreement drawn up between us, notarized and that's it that I have temporary guardianship and power of attorney regarding my granddaughter... Until she is 5 yrs. of age. It's not filed with the courts, it's just an agreement we wrote up together, and got natarized. I do know that I have to get something through the court system......I really would prefer adopting my granddaughter. She is 3 yrs. 7 months of age....calls me "mommy", sees her mother (who she refers to as "mama") once a month, maybe....depends on her mood. I know what you are talking about, my daughter seems to behave the same way as your grandchildren's mother. "Well, I AM her mother!!!"...she used to shout to me....but then she didn't want to take on any of the child's care. Whoop de doo!! So, she pushed out a baby and spent maybe the first 3 months actually being a "mother"...after that, forget it.. My daughter moved out March 2007, announced she wasn't coming home, that she was pregnant, and that she was getting married....in an instant msg on the cell phone. My daughter also has a toddler/son who is eleven months...I am so concerned about his development....but that's another story.......I'm rambling, and I am sorry. At the moment...I haven't broached the subject of adoption...I did mention it maybe 8 months ago.....but my daughter behaved as if she didn't hear me....and besides....I do deffinately think she is bipolar.......her husband, the baby's father, NOT my granddaughter's father, has issues also. My daughter is so unstable I just go through each day making sure I don't rock the boat....and have my precious granddaughter thrown overboard.

Grannyskeeter - which state do you live in? I'm in Wisconsin and we had NO help with daycare. We spent in excess of $50,000 for daycare - he's 14 and DH is retired, so no more daycare now. We get $215/month and he qualifies for MA - PERIOD - nothing else no matter what (unless we also qualified for financial assistance, which we do not).