I was in that exact same boat...I have my grand daughter since she was 10 days old...she is now almost 23 months...daughter had severe post partum depression and was with a loser...she got pregnant again...omg I thought I can't raise another one....thankfully she entered into a maternity home got her schooling and is raising her 8 month old son just fine...in november she met a really nice young man and they plan on getting married next year...she will be moving in with him when she leaves the maternity home in august....but I did put my foot down and told her I was NOT raising another one...they have to learn...we are not here to raise THEIR babies...first time is fine...things happen...but second time?? I had no choice but to put my foot down..I knew I could not handle to babies at 44 yrs old...it would strongly affect my family life...with my daughter still at home and my husband....sometimes we have to show tough love...and for our sakes too...why should we put our lives on hold? I know they are our grandchildren but there comes a time when they need to stand on their own 2 feet and accept responsibity for what decisions they make. If you take the second child...what about the third?? because it will happen...she will know if she keeps popping out babies that you will be there to raise them...you will end up having a nervous breakdown...and where does that leave your husband and first grandchild? Think long and hard before accepting a second...because you are putting at risk of raising more and more every time...good luck and God Bless....also too if she is in a maternity home she will get lots of help with classes and alot of support too...she just may be able to raise the second just fine.

Wow - that is so tough. Here are my thoughts. I had the good fortune to have a best friend who was raised by her grandparents. Some of the things I learned from her helped me tremendously with raising my grandson.

There were two things she said often, so I know that is how she felt. Not saying every child will feel this way and not saying she was right, but this was her feeling.

The first thing she said, and I know her grandparents did NOT feel this way as they were wonderful people who adored her, but this was her point of view. "My mom and dad split. My mom didn't want me, my dad didn't want me, so they left me with my grandparents. They don't really want me either, but they're stuck with me until I'm 18". I have always gone out of my way to tell my grandson how much I love having him with me, how bored I would be without him, how terrific it is to have him here. I never want him to feel that way.

The other thing that bothered her even more was that her mother later married and had a daughter with her second husband, so her sister lived with her mother while she did not. She was so hurt that her mother loved her sister more than her because she did not want her, but she raised her sister.

So, if you decide not to raise your second grandchild, you will probably need to do lots of damage control to be certain the one you're raising never feels that way. I'm not saying you should feel guilty if you can't raise a second one, only to take measures so your grandchild does not feel less loved by their parents because they were left with you while their sibling lived with their parent.

OKay one thing you can do is take classes to be a foster mother, and if you end up with this child you can get a big check just like regular foster familys get.
You do not have to take any other children. and of course you and hubby both would have to take the class.
I guess any of us grand aprents that just might end up raising a grand child needs to take this class,that away we can get benifits.

I totally agree with KathyAk. I will not raise another grandchild. My health is so bad that it would be impossible. I did tell my daughter that if she got pregnant again that I would not raise her child. Like KathyAk, I put my foot down on that. It sickens me to think that these girls pop kids out and then dump them on us. That's bull crap and I will not do that again.

Jade....here in Canada the foster system doesn't work that way...because we are blood related we don't qualify as foster parents...they call it kinship...and you get squat...we get a lousy $230 a month for our grand daughter...its called a temporary care allowance...what a joke...not sure if they do it the same way in the States...something to look at for sure...good thing we don't have to rely on that $230...we are in the process of adopting our grand daughter....once we do that we won't get that allowance anymore...which is fine by me.

Thanks citylady....I thought for sure I'd be attacked for saying what I said....but it's the truth...I know of 2 people personally who are going through this...one woman has 2 grandbbaies she's raising...and her daughter is pregnant with #3...which she will also be raising......another woman has a set of twin grandsons and her daughter is also expecting #3 which she will be also taking....makes me sick....that's why I had to put my foot down and say NO MORE...I don't want to end up raising 2 or 3 or even 4 more babies at my age...it's cruel and not fair to the grandmothers....these women have no life and are raising babies in their late 40's now...onhce is divorced and the other is a widow...it's so sad...and I refuse to be in a situation like that because it wouldn't be fair to my youngest daughter who is turing 18 soon and the grand daughter I am already raising...my husband and I have a difficult enough time now with just trying to make time to nuture our marriage...I refuse to put my health or marriage at risk because of a selfish adult daughter who expects me to raise her children...I deserve a life too...I was not put on this earth to raise my children's children....and I refuse to be used that way....I'm glad to see someone agree with me....I figured I was heading for some nasty comments.

KathyAk you are right one the money. No one should ever make nasty remarks for how you or I feel. You're so right, we do deserve a life. I know for sure that I will NEVER raise another grandchild.

Jade, I need to move where you live. I don't get TANF, child support (although it's ordered) and certainly not foster care money. Since I'm the bio grandmother, I don't qualify for foster care money. Only a damn stranger can get that in our state. So sad!!!

I'm afraid, bio relatives of any sort, even aunts or uncles don't qualify for foster care, only kinship care in our state, either. It is very sad.

Kathy, I can't blame you and your husband at all. After all, we'll be in our 70's and 80's when these kids graduate (most of us).

I think you should give adoption a serious consideration. There are some wonderful people out there who truly want to but cannot have children. Just be sure you can personally screen who would receive the child, if it is at all possible. I think it is with private adoption. I'm not familiar with adoption, but I'll bet some people on here are. I do know you can get parental rights even if they are adopted. At leasst, that's what I've been told.

You are in a rough situation and nothing is going to make it easy. {{HUGS}}

I did it again....I meant you can get grandparental rights. sorry.

i have custody of my first granddaughter, my daughter has had 3 more children since then. i am one of the grandmothers that could not take care of any more children. i begged my daughter to give her other kids when born up for adoption, and it is not because i do not care but because i love them and want a great life for them from the very beginning. she did not do it and now they all have mental and physical scars from the in and out of her drug induced life. if they would have been given up in the beggining they would have had so much more. many hugs

Real good point mommybear. It's a shame that the other 3 children have had to go through that kind of trauma in their lives. The mother should of thought about their well-being instead of being selfish and keeping them. She could of checked into an open adoption. It allows the birth parents to be open to the children meeting them when they become of age. Hopefully by then, they would of grown up enough to establish a friendship with the children.

That's a nice thought but don't count on it. I adopted my children, they wre a sibling group and mom left. Two years ago the girls found their mother and have tried to have a relationship with her. The youngest said a year ago that is a lying slut and last week the oldest said she wishes she had never found that egg donor. The girls are both in their 30's and they are old enough to deal with it and 1 NICE thing did come out of it they found a sister who was raised by a step-grandmother and she is really nice and the girls have a relationship. But don't count on these mothers changing.

In my state GA there is hardly any help for grandparents raising grandkids. I could get $150 TANF then I would have to cooperate with Child Support Enforcement......they would go after BOTH parents..... A caseworker at DFCS asked me four questions to see IF I would qualify for any other help. 1. Are you 60 yrs. of age or older (NO) 2. Are you thinking about adopting more that one sibling...a group? (NO). 3. Is your child a minority? (NO) 4. Is your grandhild disabled? (NO) Because of my answers I didn't qualify for adoption assistance...or any other assistance. Just the TANF which would be 150 dollars....and then Child Support Enforcement would go after the bio-parents. I DO have my granddaughter on the WIC program and Medicaid...but that's it. It really burns me to know IF I were a foster parent of a non-biological parent, I'd get assistance... but because I'm related.....it's like the state doesn't care...I feel they know we love, truly love our grandchildren and take advantage of that love....knowing that regardless of how hard it gets....we would find a way to carry on...because our grandchildren have our hearts in their hands.

In my state we get $215 per month from Kinship, but to get that, we need to send a monthly form with the insulting title "Invoice for Services". There was an ad in today's newspaper for foster parents offering $1,800/month pay, respite care, and lots of other benefits. We have not adopted our grandson because both of his parents signed to give us legal guardianship but I know his mother would never sign for adoption. I do not want to rock the precarious boat with a court battle.