I have not been in your shoes, bali. I hope and pray the adoption goes through. If it's any comfort, even tho I was working within the system, the bios still would have both signed off for the adoption to go through. At that time I decided not to adopt, but after 6 years, if I was financially able, I surely would!

The only thing I can think of is that when we were going through even the guardianship issues, I know the kids would not listen to us, the parents. Is there someone, a third party that you could have talk to her? Perhaps her PO (if she has one), or the GAL, or even a mediator?

Even though these kids are adults, they don't like to take advice from their parents. I think they somehow perceive it that they "failed", "let us down", "proved to us again how incompetent they are", something along those lines. My personal belief is that they are still trying to please us (mom and dad), and every failure just reinforces how little we think of them (in their minds). They have no grasp of the fact that we love them and want only what's best for them, and that they have to take responsibility for their own life, just as we did when we were young.

I don't know if that will help at all, but it's the only thing that came to my mind!

Wishing you all the best with the adoption process!

Hi Grannyskeeter,
You articulated exactly what I feel is going on with my daughter.

She has warrants for her arrest. She may be facing a few years in prison.I was thinking maybe when she is finally jailed, I would see if GAL would be willing to go talk to her. Our attorney said just wait and serve her papers when she is in jail. Feels like kicking someone when they are down and out. Which is why I would like her to choose relinquishment. But, her lifestyle has been only self serving, and pointing in the direction of jail for a long time. This beautiful young boy is our priority.
Part of me feels so bad for her, asking her to sign off is likely perceived in her mind as if I were driving a stake through her heart.
But then there is the dark addict that has wormed and worked us over and over and over...
Guess there is really no magic sentence that is going to get through to her. Maybe she will have one of those moments of clarity.
Dr. Drew Pinsky (re: Celebrity Rehab, author of Cracked) says meth addicts get paranoid about family. Coke addicts get paranoid about law enforcement and other authority figures. werid huh?
Your response helps a lot. Thank you.

In my situation both bios want the title of parent but not the responsibility. the bio dad has threatened many times to relinquish his rights-most recently on his 18 birthday when he realized he now had to pay the child support. However that has not come to fruition. God I wish it would. I have recently thought about petitioning the court for such action and allowing me to adopt. I am not even sure that is feasible. Why won't they sign those final papers? what is the idea of us raising their children, yet at the same time not being allowed the full rights we deserve? who knows. hope all works out for you.

The bio s.d. (abbr: sperm donar; sorry I can't say dad, or father) in my situation had another child before this one, many years ago, when he turned 18. (he is now 32!)People who can remember it said he went around beating his chest about "his son" like he was a trophy, but did not do anything for the child or mother except beat her. He signed off on that one too. He was ordered to pay child support, and after several thousand dollars in arrears, and no more drivers license and liens on his vehicles and even garnishing some unemployment, he was pretty willing to sign off. But before that, he and my daughter supposedly cleaned up for about 6 weeks and his mother got them an attorney and they sued us to get custody back. Of course it all fell apart. Apparently he didn't consider that beating my daughter,and both of them doing meth,coke, pot, and alcohol might not be a compelling reason for a judge to grant his/their wish.The GAL sat on that for well over a year, before all the undoing surfaced. Our custody order remained. But it is not adoption. That whole situation was unthinkable stress for us. Another thing I get frustrated with is parents like his, who turn a blind eye to the situation. A child is not property, that you get to boast about, even though your kid chooses not to get a job,still lives with mamma, sober up, buy a can of formula, maybe just one can?
gammakaikai, if the system is putting the squeeze on the father for child support, he may be willing to sign. In our state support enforcement does NOT mess around. I would not want to be on their bad side.
When it is a family adoption, is is not like we are going to disappear and they will never know where the child is. An act of love is making sure the child is in the safest and most loving possible situation. Maybe years from now, if the bio parents are better, or still alive, they could still have a chance to form a healthy relationship with the child.
I wish you well too!

Just go for it. If she hasn't changed in 14 years, not likely she will. Meanwhile you have your stress and a gc growing up not knowing who is who. Protect yourself and your gc and go for adoption. If the drugs don't prove her unfit, I don't know what will. It's a loss, because no matter what, she is your child. But you have to think of saving your gc first. Your daughter makes her choices, though they may not be the right ones. Good luck.