Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

446 Members

3,703 Posts

0 Online

SaraBT 04/22/2012

My husband decided that, since she has been calling the kids every day and doesn't sound high, it's time she came back to visit. Only this time, no Loverboy, no rides from "friends." She'll have to take the bus and go back home on the bus. More work for us, but there it is.

I think our relationship will be changed, because just don't like her much, which I consider different from Christian love. I think one can forgive someone and work with them, hoping for the best, without being their best friend. She annoys me to death - it's as simple as that, and that's true whether she's using or not. So I guess I'll just be polite, but refrain from getting emotionally involved in her mess of a life.

On the one hand I will get a break from the kids on weekends. On the other, I'll have to keep monitoring her to make sure she doesn't let them pour the entire bottle of syrup on the pancakes, drink soda all weekend long, and eat junk food all day. And I'll have to shut my ears to things like: "Are we all ready for lunchey-poo?" And "where's my little Peanut-Poo?" (She actually says that!!!) And that Philly accent! "It's time to take a shee-ou-er!" "Sit daaallln naaaaeeew!"

I think I'll drag a comfy chair into the bedroom and start hiding out all weekend, or just go shopping. YIKES!!!!!!!!!

GMaWilli 04/24/2012

I can definitely understand your conflicting thoughts!!!!!! From everything you've told me, she would drive me batty, too. That's what's kind of sad about my GS's bio mom. She doesn't get on my nerves at all when she visits my GS - or I should say she didn't when she used to visit. She was so respectful of me & really not at all unpleasant to be around. She's very lost in her addiction, though, and she has told my daughter that she's torn & that she's staying away because she knows she can't be jumping "in & out" of my GS's life, and she knows that right now she's too messed up on the drugs to commit to regular visits. My son, on the other hand, just stresses me out when he visits, because he's still in denial about the situation and still wants to push the "daddy, daddy, daddy" thing when he's there - like my GS needs to hear it to know who he is or something. He can't ever say, "I'll go get you a drink" or "I did this or that." It's like he has to convince someone of his "title", which he's done very little to deserve beyond a biological contribution. He also gets my GS wound up wrestling and whatnot & then gets frustrated when my GS won't settle down and do what he tells him to. My GS doesn't remember my son as being anything other than a playmate, so it's not his fault. My son has made condescending comments about how different it will be when "Daddy" is raising him, etc. Not to me directly, of course, but to my daughter, who gets frustrated & then tells me. Doesn't matter now. His rights have been terminated. Anyway...........I hope you get SOME rest when Pinky starts coming around again. I'd be hiding out somewhere, too, and tell them come get me if it's an emergency. At least your kids aren't babies, so you have minimal worries about her watching them.

SaraBT 04/24/2012

That last is a good point, GMa -- our eldest is almost babysitting age herself (she'll be 13 in August). YAY!

I've been leaving her in charge of the younger two for very short trips, say 10 minutes or less. So far so good, but one of these days I'll try a complete grocery shop and see how it goes LOL. The main thing is to impress upon the younger two that serious, serious consequences will follow if they don't listen to their big sister.

I do hope it works out, because then we won't be so dependent upon Pinky...

Join the Conversation