Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Yesterday morning, when we woke up, my gd did the usual and told me, good morning grammy, I love you. And then she said... A long time ago, I missed mommy...I missed mommy a long time ago. My heart and breath stopped.she was very matter of face.
She's 3 and mommy has not lived with us since she was 1 1/2. Of course, I've been running it through my head over and over...just wondering. I spoke to my husband and expressed my concern that she may be missing mommy. He said...Babe, when you go out of town Ali tells me...I miss grammy, is grammy coming home today? All in the present tense and she's usually pretty upset and even cries...when Ali said that about her mommy it was in the past tense and was very stotic. I'm wondering, if she had a dream about her mom? When our daughter left, Ali didn't get upset at all. For about 2 or 3 mornings, she said let's go wake up mommy and when I told her mommy was at Jason's she was fine with it. She never talks about mommy like she misses her or even wants her. If mommy doesnt call for more than a week, she doesnt ask about her.I know I'm probably overthinking this, I just want to be sure Ali is ok!
Has anyone else had similar experiences?
She's 3 and mommy has not lived with us since she was 1 1/2. Of course, I've been running it through my head over and over...just wondering. I spoke to my husband and expressed my concern that she may be missing mommy. He said...Babe, when you go out of town Ali tells me...I miss grammy, is grammy coming home today? All in the present tense and she's usually pretty upset and even cries...when Ali said that about her mommy it was in the past tense and was very stotic. I'm wondering, if she had a dream about her mom? When our daughter left, Ali didn't get upset at all. For about 2 or 3 mornings, she said let's go wake up mommy and when I told her mommy was at Jason's she was fine with it. She never talks about mommy like she misses her or even wants her. If mommy doesnt call for more than a week, she doesnt ask about her.I know I'm probably overthinking this, I just want to be sure Ali is ok!
Has anyone else had similar experiences?
doctortyper
Subconsciously she could be missing her, but it sounds like she misses you more. My gs misses his mom terribly, but she passed away a year ago - a whole other situation. Evidently you are making her feel very loved and safe or she would have said what your husband told you.
GMaWilli
As much as we wish they didn't miss the bios, it's only human nature that they do. I look back now on how much my former stepson missed his bio mom when he was growing up & it breaks my heart to realize now that I didn't really understand & try to help more. My 6 yo misses his bios, I'm sure. I think it's important to acknowledge it & let them know that it's okay to miss them, love them, & talk about them. We should say things like we miss them & love them too (when that's appropriate), but keep a healthy balance & not let them dwell on it. I think if they are dwelling, then we need outside help. Including "and God bless mommy & daddy" in their prayers is a positive practice. Asking them to draw a picture or write a story about their feelings might help.
dianaconroy
I agree no matter what we so, how much we love biology is strong. My kids have always since birth lived with us and yet once in a while she misses her mommy. She's never lived with her except for a coue of day a week for the first 6 months of her life. But I always reassure her that its ok to miss her, we miss her too. It's becoming less and less then an issue now. She hardly asks for her now. But once I'm a while...it comes up.
daisydduck
When they go to preschool they hear see other kids and their mommies. There is no curriculum for . Grammy being mommy. Our gs came home from preschool and asked me: "are you my mommy? " isaid :"no, I'm you grandmommy." He askedmy younger daughter the same thing. We briefly talked about his mom and that was it. However, when he was seven, we adopted him and he quickly started calling us mom and dad. It's a concept they do not understand. She reaffirmed her love for you. She is accepting you as mommy. Our gs is now 23 and we are mom and dad. He is very protective of us and frequently tells others how lucky he is to have us as his parents. It's the relationship and stability, not the name.
redheadfrog
Thank you all so much ladies. I just want what's best for her and sometimes start to think that because of biology perhaps she should be with her mother. Not that her mother is able or willing to care for her.
mayanana
My GD used to cry for her mommy and then one night she was crying "I want my mommy" and I said I'm sorry you're missing her but she isnt here and GD replied "no, I mean you".
deleted_user
My 4 yr old granddaughter has severe issues with people leaving her. My daughter died 4 months ago her dad is in jail and she has lived with me most of her life. I have sole custody. Everyday I take ger to daycare so I can get to work she cries and clings to me we pry her off so I can go to work. When her other grandparents take her for a weekend she is horrible when she comes back she screams and clings to the other granny begging her not yo leave saying she hates me this goes on each time. It takes hours to calm her down not to mention the emotional toll it takes on me her only solid caregivers the Only person who buys her everything takes her on special trip's and has been there since she was born. We have a weekly therapist a monthly psychiatrist and now medication so she can behave in school. I get weekly calls at work with issues. I raised 3 children I thought I did my time but its starting all iver again only this time without my husband. Its very very hard to fer out of bed everyday.
fortress
Sounds really difficult. I'm sorry for what you and gd are going through and sorry for your losses.
daisydduck
There is a theory that babies form a hormonal bond with the biological mother for the first 18 months of their life. However, they bond with whomever is their primary caregiver also. The important thing is that each of you have noted the bond you have with your gc. The fact that your gc depends primarily on you is most important.
gagagrandma
my husband and I are now the caregiver for our 3 year old grandson after our daughter decided to leave him with us and has not returned for quite some time. He does not ask about her and the few times she has called to speak with him he either did not want to talk or when he did he was quick to answer and walk away. I would say that the only time we discuss his mom is if he asks, which is rare. Our goal as loving grandparents is to make sure our grandson feels loved, safe, secure and rooted within our home and hearts. Its breaks my heart when he does ask "where is my mommy" which no answer would ever make sense to this child, but I am grateful he has stopped asking and seems to be enjoying his life with us as we are with him. All we can do is the best we can do.
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