Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Just need to vent

horsepad
horsepad
My daughter called Saturday and wanted girls for the night. Her boyfriend was gone for the weekend (I won't let girls go to her house because of him). Of course, she wanted me to drive the girls to her because her car isn't running good. I told her no because we had a birthday party to attend on Saturday and my oldest granddaughter had to particupate in church on Sunday (she is receiving first communion and reconciliation sacrements this year) and she also had dance rehearsal (she's a Little Sis to a contenstant) for a beauty pagent. She went off telling me I am withholding her children from her. I told her she should try calling ahead of time and scheduling something. She only calls 1/month to see them, otherwise we never hear from her. to argue the point with her. Then she tells me I have the girls involved in to much (they take dance lessons, play Tball in the summer and oldest is in scouts) and they don't need to do all these things, it isn't good for them. She asked me when I will allow the girls to go to ther house and I told her when her boyfriend has stayed out of trouble for a year. We started to argue about her choosing to be with criminal instead of her children. Then she hung up on me (that's how we usually end our conversations). She never mentioned she was arrested for theft and receiving stolen property (she is on probation for previous crimes) and I haven't mentioned it because I feel why bother, I've been down that road before. I seen today on the court docket where her boyfriend was arrested last week for theft. He got out of prison in September. He didn't even make it 6 months! What loosers! I wonder sometimes what the girls would be like if I never took them and I thank God for giving me the opportunity to make a difference in two little girls lives.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My daughter calls and tells me she is in the area is it ok if she stops over....No!!! I've told her she needs to call and make arrangements to see him not just call one day and be like I'll be there in 5 mins. (her dr is right down the road from my house so that is when she usually does that)
But I had let him go to his other gp's house this weekend. They let BOTH of his parents come over and visit him there. REALLY???? They don't even call over here to see if he is okay. Granted they aren't allowed in my house but you could call and set up to meet me some where if you wish to see you son. I am about ready to not let the other gp's see him if they are going to do that. I understand that they still have to right to see their son but...he lives her 24/7 so you need to check with me if you wanna see him....

I understand the yelling and hanging up that usually how my conversations end with my daughter b/c I don't succumb to her "needs/wants/desires" pretty much do what she tells me to and when...LOL
SaraBT
SaraBT
Jeanie, that's one reason we've never let the kids go to TX to see their other grandmother. We KNOW she would allow her loser son not only to see them, but to take them out with him in the car. We just know it. So we keep coming up with excuses why we can't come to TX with them. To be honest, she hasn't shown much interest anyway. But if they're going to violate our rules, they can't have the kids unsupervised.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That is also the reason I have only allowed supervised visitations with the other gps. I know they would allow the mother to take the gs, and would have allowed her child molester husband to be with him as well. They had said they would. So they never have anything but supervised visitations.

The once I allowed them to take gs he came home talking about he was going to "go live with gp and gm and have his own room and his mommy would be there", etc etc. Nope, now I am very picky about visitations. Prolly why I am going through what I am. But like I always say, I'd rather err on the side of the child. Noone else will, that's for sure!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
They supervised the visit my problem is that their son never even calls here to see if "his" son is okay. He isn't allowed in my house b/c on my birthday he called me drunk at 2 something in the morning and said "Happy Birthday Bitch" then he said I'm sorry I thought you would know that I was joking. I though we had that kinda relationship. WE DON'T HAVE ANY KINDA RELATIONSHIP....I tolerate him b/c he is my gs's dad and my dd's bf.

But the fact is if they can't call me and ask me to meet them some where to see there son and I am PRIMARY CARETAKER....meaning if you wanna let them see him then you check with ME.

See what happens when I decide I need a break....and ask someone to step in for a weekend. I'm telling ya they get me coming and going....
daisydduck
daisydduck
She's right. You are keeping the children form her. You are making them go to church, be responsble and caring and all the other good things. When she can be as good as a mom as you, tell her then she can set the rules. Be strong. You are right in what you are doing. It is sad that your dd is going through this but you did not create it. She can heal herself if she wants to. When we got custody of our grandson, we did everything we could to give him a "normal" childhood. He also had religious classes, marshall arts, soccer, gymastics and always had friends over to play. My sil and his wife hated us for what we did for him. All they every cared about was what they wanted. The courts eventually made the decision in our favor and sil and wife gave up. He sent a letter saying his son could look him up when he was 18 if he wanted to and that we could adopt him if we didn't ask for any money (like there was any). We did adopt him and he turned 21 on Saturday. We celebrated with our family and he kept saying how lucky he is to have our family. My two gd's worship him and he loves them dearly. So, go on controlling things....you're good at it!Thank God!
deleted_user
deleted_user
My daughter is also moving with her boyfriend that just got out of jail, she things ii believe her lies that he moved back with his mom in Windsor, but i know that hes living in her friends basement with her, they are getting a place Feb. 1, she tells me its her getting her own place and she wants J.J. on weekends. I know there will be a big fight when she moves in and i say no, more drama tears and name calling, it never ends. Why do these girls choose these guys over their kids.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"Why do these girls choose these guys over their kids."

Miss Kathy, I constantly ask that question. My grandson's mother has been with one loser after another, and I include my deadbeat son in that. Most of them have no job, no car, no driver's license. A majority of them have been in jail at least once, usually for DUI. I realize she has serious psychological issues over an abusive father, but she just never learns.

Right after we got our grandson in October, she moved in with a guy who had a nice house that was being renovated, so I assume at the least that he had a decent enough job to pay for that. By Christmas she had dumped him and moved in with a new guy, who we were told (not by her) is recently out of jail after a third DUI.

Despite repeated assurances from her that she was going to get her own place just for her and the kids (not that I believed it) we hear now that the new boyfriend's parents are renovating their basement to make an apartment for their son, her and her two kids (half siblings -we have her son, her daughter is with HER grandmother). even if that is true and these people are utterly insane enough to let her move in with her kids after being with their son for a month, her boyfirends have an average shelf life of 1 - 4 months before she moves on to the next loser.

I am just constantly amazed at her inability to DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR HER KIDS!! Something has gone seriously, seriously wrong.
horsepad
horsepad
I have learned many things from this forum. It is amazing to me how similar our children's behavior is towards us and their children. I never realized. In a weird sorta way, it is comforting, I guess because my family/friends have not had to deal with drug addiction. They have no compassion or care about what they are doing to their kids by their behavior. I paid my daughter alot of money to get her tubes tied. I knew she was buying drugs with the money but I didn't care. I just wanted to stop her from having any more children. Unfortunately she had one more baby before getting fixed. I worry what will happen to the baby.

I also know no decent person would want my daughter. She only attracts the bottom of the barrel.
deleted_user
deleted_user
GOOD FOR YOU! SHAME ON YOUR DAUGHTER I HAVE SAME THING BUT SHES IN JAIL RIGHT NOW SO I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HER JUST LETTERS SHE GETS OUT NEXT MONTH BUT HAS LOST ALL RIGHTS TO HER CHILDREN SO IT REALLY IS UP TO ME BUT THE NINE YEAR OLD LOVES HIS MOTHER, HE JUST DOESNT WANT TO BE PUT BACK IN THE OLD SITUATION DRUGS FILTH, ABUSIVE STEP DAD. IN PRISON AS WELL NO RIGHTS FOR HIM EVER. JUST STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS.