Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Jewelry gone

redheadfrog
redheadfrog
At the end of 2011, we went to our nephews funeral in Chicago. This was at the beginning of the end with our dd, she was left at home and gd went with us. Upon our return, I removed my wedding ring as I do each night and noticed two rings missing from my jewelry box. Upon further inspection, more items missingas was some of my husbands jewelry. We found out that dd had let our gds father in the house and after the police were called we soon realized dd was in on it. Of course, they both deny and accuse the otherpolice did NOTHING! We NEVER left her in the house alone for one minute again.

Some of the more important items were in a different location and I was relieved to see they were not taken. My grandmothers tennis bracelet, two gold herringbone necklaces, a charm (hand of God holding Jesus on the cross). We took these items and placed them in a very hard to get to placeyou would need to move two dressers to find them.

In 2012, Just days after we told our dd she was no longer welcome in our home we were set to leave for vacation to northern MN, I texted dd to ask if she was returning for gdwanted to be sure she didnt call the police and claim we kidnapped gdshe said she could not yet We left for a week with gd.
Shortly after we returned, we found out dd left Columbus, OH and current bf and took a bus to Gary, IN to be with gds father. I suspect, she actually, took the bus to Indianapolis and made a stop at our home.
Yesterday, I wanted to wear different necklace and could not locate it. I dont wear a lot of jewelry often, but am trying to make an effort to look more professional. When I returned home, I figured I would check this hidey hold to see if I mistakenly placed this necklace there, since it was not of high value. We pulled out the dressers and all the cases were empty! I almost broke down entirely.
The wounds are so fresh now. My dd visited in July for the first time in two years and I wish I would have known before, because I would not have allowed her in our home. I know it was her! How else would NOTHING be disturbed? How else, would a necklace she purchased still be there, and another gold necklace with gds picture on gold still be there?

I want to confront her when she makes her call this weekend, I know she will deny, but I seriously just want to stop all contact at this point. She knows those items were family heirlooms! She is the only one that knew they were anywhere in the house! How could she?
fortress
fortress
I am very sorry for your deep losses - the heirloom jewelry, and the complete loss of any faith in your daughter. The betrayal is crushing, as is the loss of history and connection you felt for the heirlooms. Grieve.
grammy22
grammy22
I also learned the hard way to keep things locked in a safe. I never had much in the way of jewelry but other things vanish, recently I had left $20 on my bureau and when son and his gf visited it vanished. She was the only one that had the opportunity. In the past she took my pain meds after I had surgery. She right out told me when she gets pain meds she sells them.

It should be standard practice for all of us, change locks, give them no access, lock up our valuables. Sad but it needs to be part of our way of life.
SaraBT
SaraBT
My first question is how on earth she found the new hiding place? And my second question is: Did she have a key? How did she get into your house after the first theft?

The one thing Pinky has never done is stolen from us. That would be the absolute end of her changes of EVER stepping foot into our home.
redheadfrog
redheadfrog
Sara, Unfortunately, we didn't want to believe she would do such a thing...this was the beginning of our realization after the first theft. I also, thought I took her only key. Never dreamed she'd have another, let alone come from Ohio while we were away. We had just kicked her out of our home, she does not drive and she said she could not pickup gd because her bf's car could not make the trip to IN.

I do no want any contact with her anymore. I want to ask her about it, to which she'll deny, but there is no way this could have been anyone but her. No sign of break in, nothing else disturbed, it's been two years and we had no clue anyone had taken these items. All was well when we returned home.

I want to tell her that I cannot have any dealings with her outside of gd anymore. My heart is broken when I thought it couldn't get any worse.
redheadfrog
redheadfrog
BTW, I'd love to tell her to leave all of us alone from this point forward. All, including, gd. I need to call the police to report, I just need to get my head straight first. I also, want to let my lawyer know, just for the record. I know we have no solid proof, all circumstantial.
scgramma
scgramma
My gd father stole jewelry and DVDs. The ring he took was my husbands grandmothers , probably only got 50$ Or less, it wasn't extremely valuable ,but my husbands family has never let me forget I "lost" her ring. She willed it to me because we had same birthstone. I would give anything for that small simple ring . Since then his mother passed away, and the ring she had promised to my daughter since her birth in same month magically disappeared. I know husbands sister has it and we will never see it again.
grammy22
grammy22
Usually when they take jewelry they head to a place close by that buys jewelry. My xDIL went to the kiosk at a local mall. It only took me a few phone calls to find the place and I was able to get it back but I knew it was missing a day after she took it. The place that bought it said they had to hold it for a day or two before they could resell it.
grammaga
grammaga
It is so hard to believe that your children would steal from you. I still feel a little nauseous when I think of all the stuff that we bought for my son and dnl and grandkids that got pawned. Jewelry, cameras, kids electronics, stereo equipment....then after we got the kids, and I evicted my DnL from the house, she striped all the wires in the house for the copper to sell! She even sold all the kids stuff in a yard sale! All the stuff that she wouldn't let them bring to my home when we got the kids. We picked them up with the clothes they had on and that was it!
Druggies will do anything....they don't care about anybody but themselves and whoever the latest dope, bed partner is!
I understand completely how you feel.
SaraBT
SaraBT
You could have the police take fingerprints from the area of the second hidey-hole - where only your fingerprints should be.
redheadfrog
redheadfrog
Sara, We tried to have the police fingerprint after the first theft. Then, after so coaxing, some of our jewelry magically reappeared...stuff they could not pawn because it was cheap. It was in a large freezer bag stuffed in our mailbox. Again, we asked for it to be fingerprinted. The police said they're not like it is on tv! I cannot stand our police department, most lazy, arrogant men I've ever met. Towards the end of it all, I found out a coworker's brother was on our force. We met and spoke, he agreed that most of his coworkers were just plain lazy!

I am so sorry any of us need to go through this with our children. Thank you all for your kind words and sharing your experiences.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've had similar experiences with my daughter. I don't own any expensive jewelry, but she has stolen cash, gift cards, electronics, and other odds and ends around the house. She has also stolen things like toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo and food. All that kind of stuff I would have given her if she asked.
The worst thing was when she stole $160 from a friend of hers and blamed it on my gs. That was just before I got him. He was barely 3 yrs old.
redheadfrog
redheadfrog
In light of this new information, I do not want her in our home anymore. CPS did not give us guardianship, we pursued with our own lawyer. Visitation is at our discretion, not that she visits (once in two years). Does anyone know, if a visitation center would work with us / her? I don't feel she will visit...she said she wanted gd back in July (she does this once a year) and I told her she needed to build a relationship with her, she cannot just bring her home. She said she wanted to build a relationship, but has not done anything differently.
SaraBT
SaraBT
If Pinky stole from us, all bets would be off and we would play hardball. I'd completely cut her off, and just let her try to take us to court. Chances are, it would never happen and if she did get court-ordered visitation we would insist on a visitation center that SHE would have to pay for.
As it stands now, we're going through with the adoption.
redheadfrog
redheadfrog
Sara, funny to say that. I contacted our lawyer today. I just can't live like this anymore. I asked her about the visitation center and adoption. We have an appointment next week.
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