Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
My herion addict daughter decided she wanted to go through detox and get into rehab. I was there to help her and if she went into long term rehab I told her I would help her get on her feet after she got out. After detox there was no bed available in rehab so she went back to her boyfriend/supplier/dealer. I begged her to come to my home. Her boyfriend had previously choked her with an extension cord, beats her (once with a hammer). 2 weeks later she wants to move in until she goes to rehab in a week. After the first day, I come home from taking my girls (she is bio mom) to school to find her in withdraw and begging me for pain meds to help her I gave her some but she is throwing up to much to keep anything down. I overhear her telling boyfriend she needs herion and to come and get her. I am scared of him and told her he is not allowed on my property and I will take her back which I did. She has decided she is not strong enough to quit. When I told My best friend what happened she started yelling at me for taking her back. What kind of mother would drop her child (she is 31) at a violent person/druggie's home. She said I should have taken her to the hospital against her will and made the hospital personnel do something for her. I told her I can't make her do anything and if hospitals made drug addicts stay at the hospital against their will, every parent of a drug addict would drop their kids off at the hospital. My daughter doesn't know this but I decided she can't stay with us again because my granddaughters come first and I will not expose them to their mom's withdraw from drugs.
Any suggestions on how to handle this next time this happens (and I'm sure it will). What would you have done?
Any suggestions on how to handle this next time this happens (and I'm sure it will). What would you have done?
Two weekends ago she must've been withdrawing because she slept on the sofa all day long and crapped her pants. Again. It took me two days of shampooing the sofa to get the smell out. At that point I had had it, but she isn't my bio daughter, so I don't have those same feelings.
Addicts will take advantage of us until they have driven us completely crazy. When they're as bad as Pinky is I don't think they have the right to be in our presence. But maybe I'm just feeling harsh because life was sooooo good when Pinky was out of it. And now that she's back I'm feeling the stress again.
We decided to stop helping our daughter when we discovered her and her boyfriend smoking pot in our garage (while she was on probation). She's asked for help since that day and we told her we could drive her to the hospital, woman's shelter, etc, but she cannot stay in our home. I think she wants to know we're still here for her at her whim...but we can no longer support / help her and take care of a grandchild, it is far too stressful and puts that chaos in our lives and my granddaughter does not do well under stress.
I am sorry, but she really needs to help herself. It doesn't stick when we go out of our way for them.
Hugs and prayers.
Something I try to keep in mind when my friends offer "advice" or criticize my decisions: They have no clue what it is like to have an addict for a child. They are seeing what it does to you, the pain, fear, and hope, and are responding to that. If it was anyone but your child, of course it would be easy to cut them off or make different decisions. But seeing your baby do this hurts like HELL. (I am often surprised by feelings of rage at my daughter when dealing with some of my gs's issues)
Since I have gotten my gs (almost 3 yrs ago) I have not let her stay with me except for Christmas Eve. When she asks for money, time, or anything else I tell her I am tapped out emotionally, physically and financially taking care of her son. That is all the help I can give her, other than an occasional ride (depending on where). I have also told her that in my mind she is not living, she is just existing, and I am trying to wait patiently for my daughter to come back to life.
Good Luck.
We have numerous alcoholics and addicts in our family and I didn't know how to cope until I went to Al-Anon. I have learned how not to react to the alcoholic and to love them without being so affected by their behavior. I learned to live my life a and not theirs.
It is not easy raising kids again and I have never encountered such neglected and abused kids. Good luck.
She claimed she had a stomach bug, but you don't usually have the runs THAT bad. Then the next weekend she said "I really wasn't withdrawing" -- nobody had even mentioned that possibility to her. So now we know what it was. How stupid is she?
miserable again! I don't understand your husband letting her keep the family in an uproar. Supervised visits one day a week in a public place would make a whole lot more sense!!! Sorry if Im sticking my nose where it doesnt belong..........I just feel defensive on your behalf, & on the kids'!!!