Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
My best friend, friends and hubby are telling me I need to get mad.........you see since this is my daughter that is the addict/alcoholic and GD is her daughter I seem to be holding out hope for my daughter. I want to believe her and I have to admit i have this voice inside my head telling me "Pam she's changed and she deserves another chance"
Of course her actions tell me in a rational manner she has not. She canceled yet another supervised scheduled for tomorrow so she could go party overnight with her druggie friends.
Still when I do see her and she bats her brown eyes at me I cant help but think of her at 18 months old running across a park in striped pants.........so cute and full of life and potential......I want that daughter back...........I want that little girl what held so much potential. I want that young woman that dont even need to open a book to earn an A. I want her to be a mommy to this beautiful gift (GD), I want family bbq's, holidays and normalacy......I want, I want I want..........
Im a therapist so cognitavely i know these are my issues and expectations and my daughter does not share my hopes for her.
Still Im her mom.........and I dont know how to get angry at her and not believe in her...........I am angry at her for abusing GD, neglecting GD, dropping her off at our house and heading to the bar, signing her rights over, drinking, drugging, choosing men over GD, etc etc etc......I just dont know how to express my anger to daughter:( help...........
Of course her actions tell me in a rational manner she has not. She canceled yet another supervised scheduled for tomorrow so she could go party overnight with her druggie friends.
Still when I do see her and she bats her brown eyes at me I cant help but think of her at 18 months old running across a park in striped pants.........so cute and full of life and potential......I want that daughter back...........I want that little girl what held so much potential. I want that young woman that dont even need to open a book to earn an A. I want her to be a mommy to this beautiful gift (GD), I want family bbq's, holidays and normalacy......I want, I want I want..........
Im a therapist so cognitavely i know these are my issues and expectations and my daughter does not share my hopes for her.
Still Im her mom.........and I dont know how to get angry at her and not believe in her...........I am angry at her for abusing GD, neglecting GD, dropping her off at our house and heading to the bar, signing her rights over, drinking, drugging, choosing men over GD, etc etc etc......I just dont know how to express my anger to daughter:( help...........
SaraBT
I think sometimes anger and resentment can help us "detach with love" from the addicted bios. If we can work up a good "mad," we're less likely to do things that enable their addictions. I know with myself, if I'm not careful Pinky can get right in there and make me want to slide her a break. But at this point a break is not what she needs. She needs to finally grow the #$%@ up! So I quickly think of all of things she's gone and I'm better able to say "no, I can't do that for you right now." And miracle of miracles -- she either finds a way to do it or realizes it just wasn't that important!
GMaWilli
It's true that embracing our frustration and anger does make it easier to detach with love and pull back & stop enabling. I also agree that it's a very bad idea to unleash anger onto any addict. They usually hate themselves more than anyone else does & despite their behavior, they are, in my opinion, rarely proud of themselves. I would just hate to say something out of anger to one of my addicted kids and then have them go off and shoot a fatal dose of heroin into their vein because it was the last straw for them. I don't think there's anything wrong with communicating our feelings, but addicts don't benefit in any way from outbursts of anger directed towards them. It will just escalate their drug use.
daisydduck
If you feed the anger, it will grow. You and we know that you will not separate form your dd. She is your child and you love her. However, as posts have noted and you have said. You are angry at her behavior which probably makes you feel out of control. However, you can control your responses to her behavior. You should never feel intimidated by your own child and if you do, you need to let them know you will not tolerate that. Especially with addicts, they thrive on their attempts to control their loved ones, especially their mothers. Remember the "I" statements? Tell her "I" need you to understand that for the benefit of your child I cannot......".
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