Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Getting it together

nutsandbolts
nutsandbolts
GS/S was funny last night. He asked for a cookie, I told him GP hasn't opened them yet and he needs to wait for GP. GS/S went to GP and asked if he could have a cookie, GP said he would open them. GP got into something else and went outside. GS/S followed him, sat beside hisGP and said....So are you going to open the cookies?

This morning GS/S said I was Mommy. I told him I'm grandmommy and he repeated your mommy Grandma. I think the little one is starting to get a handle on this...It brought tears to my eyes not so much of joy, but sarrow that things weren't different for him. I think GD/D is getting the drift on this too. Last Friday DD asked if GD/D wanted to come over there, and without a skip, she asked me if Mommy could come here, because that would be a better idea.
So last weekend I allowed my DD to come and visit with the kids. My DD was very pleasent and actually kepted to the kids and herself. I think after the stunt she texted she knew that would be in her best interest.
On Sunday when DD left, there were no tears when all said Good-bye. In fact the kids said their good-byes and went right back to playing. GS/S at bedtime asked if Mommy was coming back, I told him no, she went home. GS/S was fine with it. We said our prayers and I Love yous and he went to sleep.

I wish I could get out of this mind set that I am GM, and just go with the flow of the kids being ours. When I do get a glimps of this, It's much easier to handle. I just wish it would stick in my brain at all times!

My DD is still kind of wierd in her emotional state. Is she suicidal? I'm not sure. She has no where to go come the end of the month. I'm going to be up north and made sure she knew that and her moving is all on her. I think I'll keep my phone at home!
SaraBT
SaraBT
I suppose the only comfort you have is knowing that there isn't anything you can do. Sometimes that makes us feel even more helpless, but sometimes it can help to relieve us of guilt as well.

Either way it's a mess, huh?
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
I think it's a hard place to be, in the mommy/grandma role. I really do feel like BOTH. When the bio parent is still involved & around that makes it hard, too. It's not the natural order of things so it stands to reason that we can't completely wrap our heads around it. I know exactly what you mean when you say that.
mommagain
mommagain
we have one that we just adopted that is trying to get in the habit of calling us mommy and daddy and then we have our GS that calls us GM and paw-paw so it makes it hard for DD to get used to mommy and daddy, we have started referring to each other as mom and dad and this is helping... but really it is up to them what they want to call us.
Snippy
Snippy
No matter how much I love my son or my granddaughter I'm angry as hell that I'm going thru this. I shouldn't mommie at this age. I would have never done this to my mom, I stuck it out and raised my kids. Had backbone. Hell it wasn't my moms place to raise my kids it was mine. Where the kids think it is OK today blows my mind. They think it's OK cause they go off and have their fun and then when they need a hug and a kiss they can walk in and claim their kids for a day and then just walk away. My son has some emotional issues doc tell him he has a chemical imbalance, but the way I see it is he has an imbalance when it is convenient for him.
SaraBT
SaraBT
Snippy, I know what you mean. Tomorrow is my other granddaughter's birthday. She's being raised by her loving dad (my stepson) and his wonderful wife in a terrific, close family.

But we can't afford to spoil her or her two brothers the way we'd like to, because we're the primary caregivers for our three other grandchildren. It's really awful, what these bios do. The ripples extend well beyond the immediate effects.
Snippy
Snippy
Sara neither can we. We have fifteen grandchildren by a combined marriage and we stopped with all the presents . I have two children on my side and three grands and my husband has five with 12 grand children and three greats. i get so angry cause we spend so much on this one. My husband has more passion than I do for him and for that I should be glad but I have none left.
fortress
fortress
Amen to what you said Sara about the ripples .... it is amazing how the impact of one persons selfishness, etc. can create issues for a multitude of generations
NannaKMS
NannaKMS
This is exactly what I feel like, I feel i'm just doing this temporarily until his mother gets her act together. It will be exactly 4 years soon that I've had him. His mother takes him for over nights now every weekend since she moved out of my place so for the past 4 months now. She calls me when hes bad and tells me to come get him she can't handle him, he is a handful with ADHD. She is bipolar and has been off her meds now for months since she was pregnant, had an abortion a month ago but hasn't started back on her meds. Now shes hanging out with all these different guys and she always has smokes, she has new earrings and clothes, I no she can't afford all these things herself on disability. So i'm starting to get a very uneasy feeling about things with her.
SaraBT
SaraBT
It took me about 7 years, but I finally accepted the fact that Pinky will never get her act together enough to get the kids back. Losing hope has actually made everything easier to bear, because I have nothing else to look forward to. That sounds like a downer, but it's really a positive thing.
nutsandbolts
nutsandbolts
Ok, over the weekend GS/S gave me a mouth full honesty. I was picking on my husband and DS took it as if I was being mean to my DH. Hey Grandma that's my Daddy.... You don't talk to my Daddy like that! Then he was looking at a picture of a Jeep and said...My Daddy has one just like that! This weekend he claimed DH. I never told him otherwise. I know DS is never going to hear me deny him my mommy name again either.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Does it ever get any easier? Found out today my dtr is going to jail for a year. I feel so angry at her and sorry for myself because I work full time, have to take care of 3 granddaughter and a husband who has terminal cancer. There's no energy or time left for me. I dont even have time to clean house like I should. Does it ever get any easier? Is there ever a happy ending? Today I'm feeling like the answer to both is No. I sometimes see myself losing my husband and raising these girls by myself. Or my dtr getting out of jail and moving in here and me never getting rid of her. Today is a down day.
scgramma
scgramma
Hugs to all. My dd now lives out of town and its much more peacefull. I feel like a single mom because my husband works out of town now. I have a 4 and 6 . I have been forced tti get organized as I work full time too. I have a box for shoes by the door and a goat rack for book bags and jackets hanging up. Kids woke up last 2 nights and I'm exhausted . Busses come at 615 and 630 then I have less than an hour to get dresses and gone.
The anger is less now, I have prayed for peace so long. I have a peace that a beyond understanding, and still the uncertainty of where this is all going creeps up. We will get through it all. There's a saying IT Came to pass.. It didn't come to stay. I pray for everyone's peace today.
scgramma
scgramma
Lol a coat rack not a goat rack! Though maybe it's the same since its a kids rack. Don't forget to laugh . One thing j did was look at the house and say so what? Then I took kids for a bike rise around neighborhood. that's the good stuff. Trying to carve out some fun time, I will be able to clean up later......
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
That was a funny visual, scg. I pictured goat heads mounted on the wall that would open their mouth to grab the backpacks as you come in the door!
In all seriousness, organization is definitely a huge plus! And wow, tgat sounds super early for buses to be picking up a 4 or 6 yo!
fortress
fortress
SCG ... We used to raise goats and yes they WILL grab your coats and bookbags. One year my new Easter dress was chewed up before I realized what that I was too close. I was trying to get them to eat something I'd cooked - but even the goats wouldn't eat it ! Yep, sometimes we gotta laugh to keep from crying.