Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
First off I feel very blessed to have found this group while fighting for custody of our gd. it was and still is my "saving grace".
In short we have 8 kids living in our home. 3 step kids, 3 bio kids and 2 grandkids. We have custody of all but one and we have guardianship of that one. The oldest SD is the one that has had the grandbabies.
The problem...for the last 2 years I have been trying to keep children and family services away from my gkids. The bio mom is 20 but mentally 8 or 9 years old. She lies all of the time and when you catch her in the lie she will say "why would I do that or say that". We cannot leave her by herself with the children per the lawyers, child services and the doctors. She has tried to harm the children and tell us she did not. She also "misplaces" the children. This means she will lay the baby down in the bedroom on the floor and forget she is there for 45 or 50 minutes. (we will sit with the child until she comes back) She will let her cry and not hear her. It goes on and on...it was to the point with the little one that I had to threaten to take everything away from her on the care of that child. (I made up charts on feeding, playtime, bath time etc...because she does not remember if she had feed the child or not.) The little one is delayed and underweight hence the charts...Oh my fav...I could not figure out what to make for lunch so I decided that she did not need to eat...
How does one handle a person that you have to follow around all day and remind them to do the basic needs of the children? I am at a loss...the other 5 kids want her gone from the house. They are waiting for her to abandon the kids again. I have sent her to shrinks and she lies to them and tells them that everybody is abusing her and when confronted she will say I would never say that everybody helps me...meds have not helpedbrain transplant? If I do not figure something out soon I will be in the home for mental moms and grand moms...We have had to change our entire house and our career paths because of her choices...All we asked our of her was to take care of the children to the best of her ability and to pass her classes on line..Well the first does not happen and now we found out she failed all of her classes because skyping is much more funso we took the internet from her..geeze..
Ok so on FB she puts she is engaged..(I find out from the sons girlfriend who is friends with her) Now this it to a man she has not seen in a year and a half...she skyped him and he is wonderful.. loves him soooo much..(think I am going to puke) so the other night at 230 in the am my youngest daughter wakes me up and says there is a problem..The SD has not come home from cleaning the hall and the baby is crying...I get in the car and drive the 2 blocks to find her outside the building talking to some man (Mr. wonderful that she has not seen in that time period) Ok so she comes home and we talk...For her Birthday he asks if she can go to lunch..She makes arrangements for babysitting from 1100 to 230...nana has plans and I had to pick up kids from camp. Mr. wonderful show up at 300..Oh guess what nanas plans change and she sits there and does not let him in the house..Nana catches them sucking face in the back yard...Now here is the good part.....She is wearing a ring the next day..I ask her about it and she says quote "it was a gift from the other night" Ok so I tell her did you post you where engaged on FB..she states yes to get people to leave me alone....Did he give you a ring that you are wearing on the left hand she says because that is the only finger it fits..I then state did he ask you questions ...she states yes but he was not serious I think...So I say your engaged...Her comment..."Why would he think that I dont even like him She could not even figure out that she was engaged and then she cried because she was stupid and could not figure it out...OMG I have not told my husband yet...he will have a meltdown..How do you not know that youre engaged? Now she wants to confront him but decided that she will send him a letterThe problem is this is the 4th guy who told me that they were getting married and that he was going to be the babies daddyOver my dead body... her excuse iswhy do they think that I have not liked any of them...I dont know because you ask themThis is how my everyday goes....
Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful..sorry it was so longit is just everyday is another drama of "where did this child come from"I know that her birth mom is unstable and after she divorced my husband she lost all custody of the kids to himshe has since had 4 more and told the kids that she replaced them because their dad stole them..All the other kids have different dads and she has lost custody of them at some point...she recently had DCFS called 10 times on her for not taking care of her children and abuse..Do you think that it could be genetics..Every women on her mothers side has lost their children going back 5 generationsand all of them have some kind of mental illness
Thanks for letting me ventI just need to find some sort of direction before I cannot keep it together any longer
In short we have 8 kids living in our home. 3 step kids, 3 bio kids and 2 grandkids. We have custody of all but one and we have guardianship of that one. The oldest SD is the one that has had the grandbabies.
The problem...for the last 2 years I have been trying to keep children and family services away from my gkids. The bio mom is 20 but mentally 8 or 9 years old. She lies all of the time and when you catch her in the lie she will say "why would I do that or say that". We cannot leave her by herself with the children per the lawyers, child services and the doctors. She has tried to harm the children and tell us she did not. She also "misplaces" the children. This means she will lay the baby down in the bedroom on the floor and forget she is there for 45 or 50 minutes. (we will sit with the child until she comes back) She will let her cry and not hear her. It goes on and on...it was to the point with the little one that I had to threaten to take everything away from her on the care of that child. (I made up charts on feeding, playtime, bath time etc...because she does not remember if she had feed the child or not.) The little one is delayed and underweight hence the charts...Oh my fav...I could not figure out what to make for lunch so I decided that she did not need to eat...
How does one handle a person that you have to follow around all day and remind them to do the basic needs of the children? I am at a loss...the other 5 kids want her gone from the house. They are waiting for her to abandon the kids again. I have sent her to shrinks and she lies to them and tells them that everybody is abusing her and when confronted she will say I would never say that everybody helps me...meds have not helpedbrain transplant? If I do not figure something out soon I will be in the home for mental moms and grand moms...We have had to change our entire house and our career paths because of her choices...All we asked our of her was to take care of the children to the best of her ability and to pass her classes on line..Well the first does not happen and now we found out she failed all of her classes because skyping is much more funso we took the internet from her..geeze..
Ok so on FB she puts she is engaged..(I find out from the sons girlfriend who is friends with her) Now this it to a man she has not seen in a year and a half...she skyped him and he is wonderful.. loves him soooo much..(think I am going to puke) so the other night at 230 in the am my youngest daughter wakes me up and says there is a problem..The SD has not come home from cleaning the hall and the baby is crying...I get in the car and drive the 2 blocks to find her outside the building talking to some man (Mr. wonderful that she has not seen in that time period) Ok so she comes home and we talk...For her Birthday he asks if she can go to lunch..She makes arrangements for babysitting from 1100 to 230...nana has plans and I had to pick up kids from camp. Mr. wonderful show up at 300..Oh guess what nanas plans change and she sits there and does not let him in the house..Nana catches them sucking face in the back yard...Now here is the good part.....She is wearing a ring the next day..I ask her about it and she says quote "it was a gift from the other night" Ok so I tell her did you post you where engaged on FB..she states yes to get people to leave me alone....Did he give you a ring that you are wearing on the left hand she says because that is the only finger it fits..I then state did he ask you questions ...she states yes but he was not serious I think...So I say your engaged...Her comment..."Why would he think that I dont even like him She could not even figure out that she was engaged and then she cried because she was stupid and could not figure it out...OMG I have not told my husband yet...he will have a meltdown..How do you not know that youre engaged? Now she wants to confront him but decided that she will send him a letterThe problem is this is the 4th guy who told me that they were getting married and that he was going to be the babies daddyOver my dead body... her excuse iswhy do they think that I have not liked any of them...I dont know because you ask themThis is how my everyday goes....
Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful..sorry it was so longit is just everyday is another drama of "where did this child come from"I know that her birth mom is unstable and after she divorced my husband she lost all custody of the kids to himshe has since had 4 more and told the kids that she replaced them because their dad stole them..All the other kids have different dads and she has lost custody of them at some point...she recently had DCFS called 10 times on her for not taking care of her children and abuse..Do you think that it could be genetics..Every women on her mothers side has lost their children going back 5 generationsand all of them have some kind of mental illness
Thanks for letting me ventI just need to find some sort of direction before I cannot keep it together any longer
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
How old are the other kids? Can they help more? This is a terrible situation all around...maybe some of the others will have better suggestions...
God bless and hang in there!
Next the other 5 kids are teens..19, 17, 15, 15, 12 and they are wonderful..We let them help make the decision on the custody of the grandbaby and they all step in and help. They all have a very special bond with her and if she does not see them for a day or two she get very upset and tells me that "she needs them" too cute....
I have to agree about the diminished capacity it is almost like when she had the first baby her brain broke..it is hard to explain but she did function at a little bit higher level and then after the baby she lost it. Her doctor does not know what else to do to help..she has sent her for testing and because of her insurance the specialist just blow her off..very sad..she honestly thinks that she is ok and that there is nothing wrong..It is kinda weird becuse the more she thinks she is fine.. the more she is ignoring the children..I just do not understand that one..
Anyway thank you for letting me vent..I was able to enjoy the day afterwards and felt like a little burdon had been lifted:)
blessings