Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
My grandson has lived with us since birth and he's in 8th grade. We live in a small town and have him in a private parochial school. He does very well. He's a fantastic kid - very responsible, terrific athlete, good student, and basically all the kids love him and look up to him - he's the classic big fish in a little pond but he's completely unaware of how popular he is. His mother lives in Chicago. She had her problems but has improved in the past few years. She's on meds for manic-depression and is much better. However, I know she had a recent slip where she stopped taking her meds. Her friend said she became depressed after the holidays saying she misses her son and wishes he was with her, but she's back on track now.
He's visiting her over Spring Break. He was at a gym playing basketball, and the short story is that he's being recruited by the coach of Whitney Young High School and also by the top AAU coach in Chicago, and all say he has potential to play in the NBA. He's not home yet, but I'm betting that I'll be pressured to let him move to Chicago with his mother.
What I need to do is to decide what's best for HIM. I can't base my decision on fear or that I will miss him. I also can't base it on a potential basketball career that might never happen - he's only in 8th grade and anything can happen - could blow out a knee, etc. And, he'll be 6 hours away and what if his mother slips up again and stops her meds? Also, she travels for work and is gone for several days each month and she also works nights, so he'd be on his own except for her friend's brother who works out with him on basketball. He's a great guy, but he's onl 24 years old and he's not a parent.
The school is in the top 10% in the nation academically and they have a top-notch basketball program where most of their starters get Division 1 scholarships. Michael Jordan's youngest son transferred there last year. Last year they admitted 400 out of 9,000 applicants ahd he's basically being told that the coach will get him in if he wants to go there. It could be a terrific oportunity for him. Academically, the two schools are comparable. Athletically, his school here makes it to State often, so it's a good team but limited potential and not even close to the same level of competition so he can improve. Here, he'll be playing for a small division 3 private school. He doesn't have anyone to work out with to help him improve and the competition is not close to the same level so he probably would not reach his full potential if he stays here.
If I could move there, it would be great, but I can't.
My inclination is to say he should stay here until his Junior or Senior year, then if he really wants to go and his mother is doing alright, I could let him go then. If Whitney Young wants him for basketball now, then they should also want him in two or three years.
If he could go to Chicago and play AAU during the summer it would help him. But, he's supposed to play summer league with the high school team so the coach can assess if he should have him play Varsity as a freshman next year. He's playing AAU here, but the team he's on does not have any other players even close to his ability.
So, please help me - what do you think?
He's visiting her over Spring Break. He was at a gym playing basketball, and the short story is that he's being recruited by the coach of Whitney Young High School and also by the top AAU coach in Chicago, and all say he has potential to play in the NBA. He's not home yet, but I'm betting that I'll be pressured to let him move to Chicago with his mother.
What I need to do is to decide what's best for HIM. I can't base my decision on fear or that I will miss him. I also can't base it on a potential basketball career that might never happen - he's only in 8th grade and anything can happen - could blow out a knee, etc. And, he'll be 6 hours away and what if his mother slips up again and stops her meds? Also, she travels for work and is gone for several days each month and she also works nights, so he'd be on his own except for her friend's brother who works out with him on basketball. He's a great guy, but he's onl 24 years old and he's not a parent.
The school is in the top 10% in the nation academically and they have a top-notch basketball program where most of their starters get Division 1 scholarships. Michael Jordan's youngest son transferred there last year. Last year they admitted 400 out of 9,000 applicants ahd he's basically being told that the coach will get him in if he wants to go there. It could be a terrific oportunity for him. Academically, the two schools are comparable. Athletically, his school here makes it to State often, so it's a good team but limited potential and not even close to the same level of competition so he can improve. Here, he'll be playing for a small division 3 private school. He doesn't have anyone to work out with to help him improve and the competition is not close to the same level so he probably would not reach his full potential if he stays here.
If I could move there, it would be great, but I can't.
My inclination is to say he should stay here until his Junior or Senior year, then if he really wants to go and his mother is doing alright, I could let him go then. If Whitney Young wants him for basketball now, then they should also want him in two or three years.
If he could go to Chicago and play AAU during the summer it would help him. But, he's supposed to play summer league with the high school team so the coach can assess if he should have him play Varsity as a freshman next year. He's playing AAU here, but the team he's on does not have any other players even close to his ability.
So, please help me - what do you think?
deleted_user
sounds like he has done very will with your guidance... all the b/b stuff sounds grate too... but the botton line is he is still in need of the guidance you give him and sounds like the mom wont be around to give him... if he goes out to stay with his mom and he doesn't have the guidance he has now will he cont. to do as well as he is now? and if not all the b/b stuff will fail as well... he is still not ready to be on his own and that should be #1 priority... good luck and God bless...
deleted_user
Granna is right. A young man needs guidance and you have obviously done a wonderful job. I would wait until his junior year before sending him to his mother. This allows her to prove that she is ready to be a full-time mom. Good luck and congrats on a job well done.
Kat51
Thanks for confirming my inclination. He and I talked today and he agreed to wait until his Junior year and he could go on the condition that his mother proves she will keep taking her meds, stay on track, he keeps his grades up and stays on track as he has always done. He understands and agreed with me, so I think we will be alright unless his mother decides to push things, which I hope that she does not do.
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