Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
So last week we got a text from bio dad, letting us know that he would "for sure" come see his kids this weekend. He made it sound like he expected to spend the entire weekend. Which of course we could not allow. I texted back and let him know Sunday would work. Code for "you're not spending the night". I never heard from him again until Saturday at 11pm, telling me he would come by "no later then evening". I texted back and let him know it was a school night and the kids go to bed at 7;30, I never herd back. But instead got a call at 6:54pm telling me he as on his way.
He show up at 8pm, carting bags of gifts for the kids. Of course they don't want to Go to bed. Out 5 year old tells him she hasn't seen "mommy" and he tells her he spoke to mommy and she loves and misses them. My 5 year old responds with"daddy I know that. I have parents (referring to me and my husband), who remind us of that all the time. In any case I was pissed, pissed that he disappears for 4 months show up essentially in the middle of the night and disturbs everything. He was trying to get us to let him spend the night. He didn't have a backpack of anything with him.
Anyway we sat with him after and told him he couldn't do that, show up and stir the pot and then leave. My husband hog after him for making promises to the kids. I had yo hold my husband back a bit. He was pissed.
The other thing Bio does is recount shit that didn't happen. Like he'll say remember when I potty trained you. He never did such a thing!
Anyway it was a horrible night. He was pretty cool and said that he had no intention of fighting for the kids, apparently he did some digging around and he said he understands that he's lucky to be able to see the kids. It was a hard conversation but one that had to take place.
I know that as guardians we have a say, but I'm so afraid of being accused of not being supportive of the bios.
He show up at 8pm, carting bags of gifts for the kids. Of course they don't want to Go to bed. Out 5 year old tells him she hasn't seen "mommy" and he tells her he spoke to mommy and she loves and misses them. My 5 year old responds with"daddy I know that. I have parents (referring to me and my husband), who remind us of that all the time. In any case I was pissed, pissed that he disappears for 4 months show up essentially in the middle of the night and disturbs everything. He was trying to get us to let him spend the night. He didn't have a backpack of anything with him.
Anyway we sat with him after and told him he couldn't do that, show up and stir the pot and then leave. My husband hog after him for making promises to the kids. I had yo hold my husband back a bit. He was pissed.
The other thing Bio does is recount shit that didn't happen. Like he'll say remember when I potty trained you. He never did such a thing!
Anyway it was a horrible night. He was pretty cool and said that he had no intention of fighting for the kids, apparently he did some digging around and he said he understands that he's lucky to be able to see the kids. It was a hard conversation but one that had to take place.
I know that as guardians we have a say, but I'm so afraid of being accused of not being supportive of the bios.
Best wishes to you. I don't think you did anything wrong and I don't think any court would find it unreasonable for you to set limits with the biodad, especially on school nights!
Holly
Why should we have to disrupt our gks' lives and schedules to cater to the bio's? Why can't these bio's actually think of someone other than their selfish selves? Don't they actually know or think about what their popping in and out of the kids' lives is doing to them? Oh wait, thinking about someone else would be a detriment to the bio's because they DON'T think.
A quick story from me.... Many months ago, my dd told me on her FB page to get over myself.... I messaged her privately, not publicly and told her "get over myself? You got it...." I then proceeded to tell her that she knew where we lived, she knew our phone number, she knew what we did for holiday's, she knew what we did for family functions etc and from here on out, I won't be inviting her to any of them... she is to take the initiative to show us she cares and wants to be involved because I was tired of begging her to be a part of MY babies lives.. She has yet to make any effort. I will be printing that out and taking it to court with me on Monday.
God Bless