Pamella, don't feel bad. Once we had Pinky's kids, we would have absolutely, positively refused to take any more. Thank God on High that Pinky got fixed after the third child or we would have had to face that choice.

I think it's perfectly healthy to know what your limits are. And there's no need to feel guilty, since you haven't done anything wrong to feel guilty about.

When my DD got pregnant the second time, I swore I would not raise a second child. The third child came and again I swore I would not raise that child either. The day my DD rights were terminated, she told me she was pregnant again. I could not do it again and knew it wouldn't be fair to the three I had or this new baby. I talked my DD Into an open adoption. The guilt I had was tremendous. How could I let this gc go. It ended up being the best decesion I've made. The adoptive parents to my gs are wonderful. This baby is truly happy with his new family. We keep in touch and I get pictures sent to me often. When my three gc are older, they will be told about their little brother and will one day be reunited. Both the adoptive parent and I want them to know there are FOUR siblings. It was a hard decesion but I believe it was the right one.

When i found out my SD was pregnant she was almost 6months. But i knew we would take the baby. I cried and was so stressed about the fact that this would be a hugh change in our live, that I couldn't sleep. 4 years later,he is an absolute delight. He is so darn cute, and funny. Last night he told me he wants to be an anstronut and a bellerina, after all he said, he's seen boys do ballet.

However, would I take a third? my step daughter is only 23, so the chances of her getting pg are high. My answer is NO, abolutely not. Unfortunately i don't think I would be able to talk her into adoption. But i'm clear in that I will not take a third. It would take time, money and emotional support from the other two. So I understand how you feel.

Pamella, Please don't feel bad. I told my DD I will not raise any more children. We've adopted the two she gave birth to. Well, she got pregnant and like your daughter she ran out of money for birth control but always has money for pot. My GS was born with Meth in his system. When my DD told me she was pregnant this time, I told her we are going to close all doors including communication until she aborts.
Adoption was never an issue with me. I would never want a child to have to be born with Meth in their system like my GS was and if she did it once she'll do it again. I told her I wouldn't want her around while pregnant due to the kids knowing a sibling would be coming and I didn't want to become attached, because CPS would be all over this birth and take the child if needed . I didn't want the kids asking where the baby was if they took the child for adoption or even give CPS a chance to come to me asking if I would take the child in. If by chance she didn't use while pregnant ( Small Chance)and CPS wasnt called so she got to keep the child, I don't want the kids asking why baby gets to live with Bio Mom and not them.

I'm pro choice . Ultimately it was her decision, which way she wanted to go, I made sure she understood my position too.

I'll be thinking about you, please don't feel guilty on anything your DD does or doesn't do. You are raising your GD and she is the apple in your eyes now who should be filling you up with Love, Joy and Hope for the future.

Pam, what you need to do is report your dd for child abuse which is legal if the mother is abusing drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. DCF should take her to court to enforce this. It's not only about taking another child, but if dd continues to drink and/or do drugs, the baby will be born with serious problems. That's not chance, but a guarantee. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a serious condition for a child to be born with. Even if you decide not to take the child, it will be difficult to adopt the child with a serious disability. The one thing that gets me so angry is how little these so called "mothers" think of how they are harming their own baby!

I just found out a week ago that my DD is pregnant again. I have her 6 yr old daughter, Next, she got an abortion, then last March had another girl, and now this. She still has the 1 yr old, and it is traumatizing Kayci because that baby lives with Mommy and she can't. She lied to Kayci on Mother's Day, told her she kicked her husband out, is going to get her own place so she can have her back. I am spitting nails, I am so mad!!! I finally had to tell Kayci because she kept asking why I was mad at Mommy. I don't yell, I just don't speak if I am mad, so I had to tell her that she told her a lie, she keeps having babies that she can't take care of, so she ca't live by herself, she doesn't have a job. So basically, I had to say she is not trying very hard to get you back and that is why I am so angry. She keeps making really bad choices. So she says to me " you mean that in her head she is not on green?" That is the behavior code at school. LOL, that is exactly what I mean. Out of the mouthes of babes!!!

I won't have anything to do with her other 2 children because of what their father did to Kayci. We will never be able to mesh the two families.

I will probably go to hell for denying the other 2. I just can't care anymore.

Wow, sorry for the rambling...

Yaya, don't do that to yourself....you certainly won't go to hell for not taking on that responsibility, but i think we will be blessed for the child or children we DO take in.............even if we might not recognize the blessings on our rough days!!!

And Pam, I'm so sorry.........one day at a time, that's all any of us can do. I am very concerned my daughter will end up pregnant again, too.

My step d had 2 more kids after we had the first two. I got the call to take the 3 rd child but we refused hoping that she would get adopted by a good family. She was placed with a wonderful family that loved her but baby daddy wouldn't let them adopt. They had another child together that the same family took in. But cps allowed the baby daddy to get them back. Makes me sick they had a good home but cps thinks its best for blood to have them. Well the first 2 don't have a drop of my blood in them and I love them as much as my bio kids. We adopted them on 4/30 this yr.

Oh Pamella, you are so telling my story.

The only hope I have to hold on to is the fact that my DD hasn't been in any trouble in 11 months.

Now that she is pregnant and feeling all maternal, she cries to spend "alone" time with gs. We have had him for 2 years as well.

She announced that now that shes pregnant shes taking us to court to get gd back. She has not gone through tx, is still using even pregnant, is pregnant with a convicted felon and drug addicts baby. so when I told her go ahead and I will fight to the death to protect this little girl she backed down cause she knows I wont tolerate her bullshit rants. but today she told me via text I can rot in hell and im dead to her. she no longer has a mother..........I have to admit my feelings are hurt. I remembner a little girl running after geese in a park in Bellingham Washington........drugs have stolen my daughter and im so sad:( but im not responding to her text and taking that power away.....still it hurts me:(

Pam - I know the difficulty and searing pain but you have to separate the memories of your sweet young child from the adult child's destructive choices which have led to the current situation. The bios prey on our conflicting feelings and use our feelings against us. Always keep gc's well being forefront in your mind ( at least while dealing with bio )

I realized my last sentence didn't sound quite right .......... I mean gc's wellbeing needs to always be forefront and ESPECIALLY while dealing with bio. Wait until you're alone to fall apart with the inevitable emotional upset of feeling as though you had to choose between your " children " because bio parent, of course, is no longer a child and has become whatever their own poor choices has made them. Gc is an innocent child and is the one who requires an advocate - you and the loving security you provide.

Your choice is to complain and fret about the gc or as I said, report her to children and family for inutero child abuse. We no longer have to stand by hellpless. Also, an important point was brought up here and some of you should check it out in your state. If the child is placed in adoption, you have right to maintain a reltionship with the child through adoptive parents. There is no reason you should take on more responsibility if you already are handling the previous children. Please do not take this as offensive. I understand your frustrations but there are answers even though some may not be the ones we want. btw, I have heard of judges coming down hard on mothers who get pregnant and continue to drink or do drugs. They can be put in jail to protect the unborn child. Not a pleasant choice, but at least the child would be protected from birth defects that could ruin their lives.

after reading all the posts here, I am so glad my son can't have anymore children.....but I am worried about my 15 yr old gd. I have made it very plain to her that if she becomes pregnant I will not be taking care of another baby. I already have 4 and no way could I handle another one.