Gay or bi men don't always have a feminine side, in fact my man is very masculine.

I don't believe your nephew was influenced to be gay, he was probably born with these feelings towards other men, like I was.

Thanx for quick response! I agree w/ you. I guess it is hard on his mom. She blames it on something or someone else.

We love and except him no matter what...just a shock at first...he never really did date any female seriously in HS....

Hey, while we are visiting...how does a gay guy and a bi guy do together? Wouldn't you always be thinking he was straying away w/ a woman now and then...or does it matter? Just learning as i go....thanx, you are awesome for answering!

Dear Jorgee,

Fortunately your nephew has a loving family for kindness and support. I hope that will continue as everyone absorbs this new information. I myself would feel honored that he has enough respect for himself and his family to be honest with them.

Not all gay men have feminine traits and as you describe your nephew as a mans man. That is a stereotype that most heterosexuals think all of us fit into. I believe that it is a way that they attempt to either find false hope for change or how they recognize the structure of a relationship bases on their understanding of heterosexuals. This is common place but not always the yardstick in which to measure a family for acceptance.

I am of the opinion that homosexuality is not a choice. There are many reputable medical facilities that are conducting DNA testing now in hopes of discovering the Gay Gene. Personally, I would be thankful when they identify it so that people world wide would have a better understanding.

No one or rather not many individuals would have picked this way of life. When one is born into a minority, low social economic or with some handicap there is a great deal to learn and face on a daily basis.

a) The minorities are often subjected to hate or race
Crimes, singled out for abuse or attack.

b) Low socially economic environment are subject
To attacks for not having the ways or means to
Improve their situation. Their daily struggle is
Often just to survive.

c) The handicapped individuals have struggles that
Are or can be so overwhelming that most of us
(Normal) individuals would not have the strength
To deal with for any amount of time, let alone on
a Daily basis.

How amazing the human spirit is. We have the ability to rise above and conquer our differences and or limitations real or imagined. Thus a bitter nasty divorce did not cause her son to be gay; if that was the case there would be a substantially higher number of gays and lesbians.

To be reared by mainly females did not create a gay son either. I was raised in a family of 10 children 4 girls and 6 boys or as I like to joke about it: 4 girls, 5 boys and 1 undecided Just to keep it all in a true to life opinion. That is as far as I am concerned.

One thing that I have not shared very often is that my father and brothers were often confused by me. All sorts of females, beautiful and stunning in most cases would always be hanging out with me and being very flirtatious. My father and brothers use to be so envious, saying you could have your pick of anyone of them and I would say yes I could, I just do not want them.

As I matured and found a comfort level to speak of and deal with my inner feelings I asked some of those very females what they felt towards me. Most of them shared that they felt comfortable and safe with me. Then I realized that on some unconscious level they knew that I was different. Though they may not have had a finger on it, they just intuitively knew I was gay.

An absentee father does not create a gay males. The absent father does leave a void of the father not a male figure. My father was always present and even though we had our own father son activities and combined interests I am still gay.

I am sure that your nephew is an athletic man, honest and fun loving, that is another one of the stereotypes of gay men that we do not like sports, working on cars or have other dominantly male interest. That is just not true. Although we usually love to cook and have a great sense of fashion and decorating seems to be just as natural.

The gentleman at the pizza place was not suspected to be gay by you or your family. But later you found out this information. A gay man as a strong male influence for your nephew did not create or influence his sexuality. He is gay because that is just his sexual orientation.

Usually gay men make wonderful friends. Myself, I hired a young man to work at our restaurant and he just always seemed lost. So as we worked together we laughed and spoke openly.

Chris A. is a strong devout Christian. His parents are divorced and both remarried to strong wonderful individuals who love Chris with all of their beings.

However, Chris and I are very close. Even though we no longer work together we are dear friends. Ms. Sharon (his mom) always tells me how much Chris admires, respects and loves me. I was that male figure who taught him a positive work ethic and gave him the opportunities learn all that he could. Now that he is in college, we are still very close and I love him like a brother. And you know what? Chris is NOT gay

Your nephew is living with a man 8 years his senior is that as roommates or a romantic interest? Either way he has someone to share his feelings and thoughts with. Your nephew found a true friend that he could just be himself, sharing his feelings and his fears. He did not have to lie to keep from having to face his fear or to make others face theirs.

Your sister is just reacting as I have seen many mothers respond to the shocking news. I think that at first it is not my son, and then there is always that nagging, frightening feeling that there was one day, one thing that was said or done to create a homosexual. That is just not true. She is trying to either figure out or find who ever is at fault for her sons sexuality.

Please encourage her to not be so hard on herself. Try to give her support that is helpful to her as well as your nephew. You would appear at first glance to be a loving and sensitive sister and aunt. Perhaps you could share with your sister that he is just as wonderful the after he came out as he was the day before.

I wish all of you the best; I am sending you blessings and prayers. Let me know what happens.

Jerry

Yeah, my man is Bi, and it does cause a few unique problems, but I do trust him, I would hope he wouldn't stray.

The Bonobo Chimps of the Congo are ALL Bi-natured creators [Just like myself] and normally engage in homosexual activity. The interesting thing about this is that the Bonobo has about 98% of our human DNA and is our closest relatives among THE CREATOR'S animal creation. They are also much more a peace loving creature than their heteros. counterparts. The males do not become female like either. And there are many other animals who exhibit homosexual behavior too. This lets us know that homosexuality is in the common DNA of our natural order whether we like it or not, and it does not always mean feminine channeling gayness either.

I do, however, believe that we are influenced by our environment to some degree with sexuality - i.e in prison cases. So our natal orientation can be lost to a traumatic experience. In these cases, the sexuality is really a "conditioned" life-style. But these are not the normative situations. But, I believe this accounts for those who subsequently are "cured" of the life-style.

Therefor, if he has not had a traumatic experience of some kind, then his sexuality is as in-born as any. Be supportive and talk to him about recalling his feeling "before" he met this man. Go back with him as far as possible. If he has "always" had male crushes and/or sexual fantasies before becoming sexually active, it's safe to say his homosexuality is authentic.

Be very open and supportive, because if anything happened to "condition" him into the gay "life-style", it will emerge through your continued dialog and support. Be his confidant so he will tell you anything if he needs to.

May the CREATOR grant you much wisdom in this matter

I have told several people that I am about as feminine as a brick. And I have been interested in men from my earliest memories. Most likely you nephew is the same way. He just learned at a young age that it wasn't socially acceptable to be interested in boys and never let on to anybody about his desires. I did the same thing. Earlier in life I was nominally interested in girls and even was married for a number of years. But I was always more attracted to men than I ever was to women.
I believe we are born gay. So it wasn't your sisters divorce or having been raised by women. You might have a case there I suppose if he was prone to wearing women's clothes and make-up or had a lot of feminine mannerisms. Not that all gay people who do exhibit these traits have them as a result of female influence at a young age. From what I've learned most don't. But you have already said he is and always has been very masculine.
Basicly Jorgee, it's just something he didn't tell anyone about. I imagine that the influence of the gay restaurant manager had, if anything, the effect of showing him that it was actually ok to be gay and be happy.
Tell you sister she didn't do anything wrong and just love her son for the person he is and quit worrying about who he's sleeping with. All she's going to do is make herself miserable and drive a wedge between herself and her son.

First, I'm very happy to see loving relatives looking to healthier ways to deal with loved ones coming out. I really commend you for it.

There are many, many, many gay men out there who don't fit a profile of an effeminate person. One's sexual orientation is just that. Whether homosexuality is the cause of factors (like growing among women) or genetic, that's still an eternal debate.

Personally and honestly, I don't look into it. I can't care less about whether I have a "fabulous gene" or I went to "gay college". I am me, and I love every single bit of it.

Once in a discussion about this I told this to some people. Consider this: I am one of seven children in my family. Three boys, three girls and me (wee!). I'm right in the middle, three before me and three after me. We all grew up together, went to the same schools, had the same teachers. My family raised us Jehovah's Witnesses, so we received the exact same bible studies, meetings and socializing with the same people in the congregation. We did everything together from cleaning the house, going to school, participating in JW activities and even playing with the same toys and going to the exact same places.

What underground university was I sent to that I "learned" homosexuality that my siblings didn't? How come that having the exact same upbringing, only I turned out to be gay? Where did I learn it that my siblings didn't? What special event happened in my life that "made me gay", that didn't happen to any of them? None. I'm just gay and they aren't. My sexual orientation just is.

Look at the way your nephew was raised and see other people that were raised in similar situation. Are they gay too?

Sexual orientation is not learned behavior. Hate, discrimination, prejudice and violence are.