Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Hi everyone,
So, recently I came out to one of my friends, with what I guess is a mixed result. A few weeks ago, he asked me to be his roommate. I was really excited because our friendship had be going great and I considered him a close friend. I felt, however, that I needed to tell him that I'm gay (he is straight, I think). I did, and he said that while we are still friends, there was no way I could move in. That led to me going into a pretty deep period of depression, dealing with what I perceived as rejection. I didn't see him for a few weeks, but we kept in contact on Facebook, with him talking to me a bit more than usual.
I finally saw him again last weekend, and I just froze. I couldn't get myself to talk much, or even look him in the eye. I tried, but I was so nervous around him. We didn't speak for a few days, but now, he's talking to me online again, once again much more than usual, and it's really civil and everything.
My question is this: is our friendship worth saving, and am I completely foolish if I keep him as a friend, knowing that he doesn't want me living with him because I'm gay? Although I was (and still am) deeply hurt by what he said, I also am trying to be more forgiving in my life and not hold grudges. He said that we were still friends, and it seems like he is keeping that promise, for now at least. I'm not sure what to do. If we stay friends, am I a pushover? What do you guys think? Thanks :-)
So, recently I came out to one of my friends, with what I guess is a mixed result. A few weeks ago, he asked me to be his roommate. I was really excited because our friendship had be going great and I considered him a close friend. I felt, however, that I needed to tell him that I'm gay (he is straight, I think). I did, and he said that while we are still friends, there was no way I could move in. That led to me going into a pretty deep period of depression, dealing with what I perceived as rejection. I didn't see him for a few weeks, but we kept in contact on Facebook, with him talking to me a bit more than usual.
I finally saw him again last weekend, and I just froze. I couldn't get myself to talk much, or even look him in the eye. I tried, but I was so nervous around him. We didn't speak for a few days, but now, he's talking to me online again, once again much more than usual, and it's really civil and everything.
My question is this: is our friendship worth saving, and am I completely foolish if I keep him as a friend, knowing that he doesn't want me living with him because I'm gay? Although I was (and still am) deeply hurt by what he said, I also am trying to be more forgiving in my life and not hold grudges. He said that we were still friends, and it seems like he is keeping that promise, for now at least. I'm not sure what to do. If we stay friends, am I a pushover? What do you guys think? Thanks :-)
That said, do you have any interest in him as a man? If you don't, than you can assure him that he has nothing to worry about you coming on to him. If you do, then he may be taking the right steps to process your news.
Keep in mind that he may be asking why you came out to him. maybe you need to prove that your interest is being accepted and have the support of your friend, not that you came out because you want him to be your boyfriend. That may be something that needs to be clarified for him.
I saw him today, and, to be honest, we had a great time together, like we always did before I came out to him. We're also planning on going out next weekend as well.
However, I do know that there still is the elephant in the room, and we're eventually going to have to discuss it. The fact that he rejected me like that still hurts, and it will come out someday. He does seem to be the kind of person that doesn't like to talk about certain things. I don't know what the reaction would be.
Am I attracted to him? I would be lying if I said no. Since he is straight, though, and there is no chance that he will ever be with me in that way, I would have to keep my feelings in check. It's not that I'm deeply in love with him. I know a lot of people would think that it would not be a good idea to live with someone given those circumstances, anyway.
I think only time will tell what happens with our friendship. One of the reasons I'm not willing to give up on the friendship is because I don't have many friends here at home (all my best friends live far away, and I rarely get to see them). Maybe this person is better than nothing at this point? I'm working on getting myself out there more. I want to be more of a part of the LGBT community, but I need to work on things like my shyness first. Me joining this site is a step in the right direction, I think. Making new friends might, at this point, be the best thing for me.
Thanks again for your advice!