Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
This was originally on gay parenting. But I'm not finished venting.
Okay... so I don't even expect an answer or comment about this. I just have to vent. My son is fourteen, and he and I go the therapy together every once in a while. In the beginning it was because I came out. I think I have a pretty healthy attitude about the whole thing, my problem was my son's reaction. So time goes by and he's okay with it. In fact, I don't think he really give a damn about that anymore. What a relief.
In thereapy my son slowly revealed he and his mother had gotten physical, and he showed a small scar. My exwife always had a tendancy to be physical when she was frustrated. My son also said that his mother had told him I had been molested when I was a kid (the reason she thinks I'm gay), told him about my drug use (years before she and I were ever even married), and went into all the details about what my partner and I do together sexually.
After speaking with the therapist alone, he said it would be a good idea to confront her (not easy, because she's never wrong).
After telling her all this stuff, she says I'm obviously going though "something" right now and says, in her most patronizing voice "What's wrong with you? (me)". My son is blaming me for bringing up stuff he said in therapy, and after his mother confronts him about the physical stuff, my son again blames me for making something out of nothing.
How in the world did I end up being the bad guy in all of this?!
I guess it's just one of those days.
Okay... so I don't even expect an answer or comment about this. I just have to vent. My son is fourteen, and he and I go the therapy together every once in a while. In the beginning it was because I came out. I think I have a pretty healthy attitude about the whole thing, my problem was my son's reaction. So time goes by and he's okay with it. In fact, I don't think he really give a damn about that anymore. What a relief.
In thereapy my son slowly revealed he and his mother had gotten physical, and he showed a small scar. My exwife always had a tendancy to be physical when she was frustrated. My son also said that his mother had told him I had been molested when I was a kid (the reason she thinks I'm gay), told him about my drug use (years before she and I were ever even married), and went into all the details about what my partner and I do together sexually.
After speaking with the therapist alone, he said it would be a good idea to confront her (not easy, because she's never wrong).
After telling her all this stuff, she says I'm obviously going though "something" right now and says, in her most patronizing voice "What's wrong with you? (me)". My son is blaming me for bringing up stuff he said in therapy, and after his mother confronts him about the physical stuff, my son again blames me for making something out of nothing.
How in the world did I end up being the bad guy in all of this?!
I guess it's just one of those days.
i don't know if it's possible to just shut it off. when i'm in similar situations, i've had to disconnect from it, not say anything. otherwise, anything i say would simply fuel the fire. like you said, she's never wrong. it's not easy, exercising that level of restraint when someone is trashing me. i'm at a point now where i find that silence is empowering.
for what it's worth, someday your son will be an adult and look at the world, including yourself, through his own eyes. he'll be able to shake your ex-wife's jaded perception and see who you really are. stay true to yourself. if he's a bright kid, so will be your future with him.
Thanks for the nice words : )