Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I talk to guys all the time about being latched onto by someone who needs something from you other than friendship. It isn't easy for a lot of gay guys I've met to trust easily in the first place, but it can be devastating when you've allowed someone to take advantage of your trust. Either being used for sex, cash, or as an emotional crutch can create scars that last a long time. Have you ever felt used?
Sometimes I think It would be easier the other way round, but that's just not me.
What a great topic of conversation and I am very interested in how people respond.
To answer the question, yes I have felt used because the person was attempting to use me. Luckily for me, I have the ability to act accordingly to each person, as well as keep an open mind.
Everyone has been hurt at one time or another. My experience was with a guy that I met in Pittsburgh, PA some years ago. He asked me out several times, and each time I was reluctant to go. Something just did not feel right.
To make a long story shorter, I went out with him and we actually hit it off. He hid his alcoholism very well I might say. As we dated several weeks, which ended up months, we NEVER had sex, that is not who I am. If there is NOT love there is no reason to make that connection.
Marty started to act out towards me, complaining that I wore cowboy boots with everything (I am from Oklahoma); I spoke to everyone with kindness and would give to those people asking for change or work. I spoke to them with respect and allowed them the dignity that they deserve. I would treat them to a McDonalds meal or bring them hot coffee in the winter.
He acted as if those people were beneath him. I was raised by parents who owned their own business and gave us the finer things in life. We were economically sound and were taught that EVERYONE is created equal. We never looked down on anyone for any reason. I attempted to impart this way of thinking to him, unfortunately he fail short of learning.
Finally, I when he started to slip and revealed his alcoholism I started to understand some of the issues he portrait to me. It was then that I had to say enough was enough. He was an emotional parasite. He drained everyone around him, his family, friends and then me.
After I told him that there was not any future for us, and that I would no longer desire to see him he became frightened. Without realizing it, I had assisted him in paying bills, helping with car repairs and helping with travel expenses when his brother was in the final stages of AIDS.
Approximately one year later I ran into him. He had a new man in tow; I was polite and said hello and wished them a wonderful night. Later that evening, while Marty was in the restroom, his date approached me and asked me if Marty ever need me to assist him on a financial level. I answered honestly and said that I helped him out as I would have anyone in need.
People try to manipulate others to obtain there support. It is not only prevalent in the gay community but with heterosexuals as well.
We are the best one to determine what is comfortable for us, what is asked or expected of us to provide or give. I have witnessed so many in both communities willing allow someone to take advantage of them.
I am of the opinion that when we feel alone or lonely we are easily taken advantage of. We are searching for the attention that we need and that we need to give as well.
There are people who look for and seek out those to whom they can use or take advantage of. That is the sad part of it all.
Thank you once again.
Jerry
Sometime I feel like a sex toy or bank ..... :(