You need to be right where YOU want to be. If he does not find you beautiful no matter what your shell is, than honey it is time to slap him up side the head and drag him out of the shallow end. If his words hurt, than dang it tell him so! Marriage never comes easy, and if you are not feeling it now, you never will. There are WAY too many good men in the world to waste years on someone that wont appreciate you for what you are inside first. Stand up and tell him how it is and give him the chance to step in line and love the women that you are. The wrapper part is only for you.

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with him!! And I hate to be the barrier of bad news... but if after all this time he's never told you you were beautiful (REGARDLESS of your weight, because you ARE beautiful REGARDLESS of your weight) before, hes not going to start now...

These are HIS hang ups and there is NOTHING you can do to change it.... I don't care how much wt you loose, how you fix your hair, or a million other things...

I use to be married to a man who NOTHING was ever enough! Ever!! 20 + years post divorce, and still... nothing is ever enough for him.

You have gone from a 28 to a 12??!!??!! That is AMAZING and honey, YOU ARE "THERE"!! You are not 'getting there''' Do you hear me? Sure, you might still lose more, but if you never lost another pound... You have every reason in the world to be fine with what you have accomplished!!

And please know that I don't mean to 'beat up' your fella... But from what you have said, I do not think he is ever gonna get it. Not this one.... I am sorry!

I am so sorry!! but congrats on your success!! that is amazing!!!

You have done so well. I would suggest reconsidering this relationship! I agree with goldenrivers.

I am so sorry. I can relate in that I have a husband that isn't the "mushy" type. He has never told me I'm beautiful he just isn't the type to talk like that. Since surgery and beginning to loose he does tell me that I look good and that you can really tell that I'm loosing.

I know that he loves me by how he takes care of me, and I must say that the "spark" has returned in our romance after 12 years of marriage! BUT...he just isn't the type to use words like beautiful. I had to come to terms with this. For awhile it did hurt, and I used my insecurities to interpret it as "I'm not attractive enough to him to use that word", but that was wrong of me.

My husband has been loyal and faithful to me for 12 years. He supported me in a HUGE lifestyle change when I chose to go to seminary. He used to be Norm at the bar (Cheers), but now he is a "preachers wife" and goes and prays with people while they are in the hospital. He didn't even bat an eye when I told him that I wanted to adopt...and we now have 5 beautiful adopted children. He still doesn't use the word beautiful. I had to step back and look at the entire picture. Looking at everything he does do for me, I can let go of the fact that he doesn't use the word beautiful...because he makes me FEEL beautiful. I was married before...right out of college. This man told me that I was beautiful all the time....and I found out that he also told about 5 other women that during our short marriage.
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't get hung up on what type of vocabulary he uses or doesn't use...the real question is, does he support you and does he make you feel valued, beautiful, significant, important....
If he does...then don't get hung up on what words he uses or doesn't use because we all have some sort of baggage.
If he doesn't then listen to the wisdom of so many others. If he doesn't offer those things before marriage, then most likely he wont after.

I will be thinking of you today...
and lastly...you HAVE made it...not "trying". I was in a 28, my surgery was on March 18th, 2013 and I am now in an 18. I can see a 12 down the road, before it wasn't even a hope. I am so PROUD of you! If this man doesn't make you feel beautiful, there are so many others that will!
lisa

He is a good man and i talked to him about. He said he was afraid to tell me i look good because in the past i gain weight because of weirdos my dad used to hang out with. Which does make since. Thanks for the comments i wouldnt have talked to him about it iwith out your guys support.

bigred.... I am SO GLAD that you talked to him!! And that things now feel better for you, you and him!!

Isherman,
Thank you for pointing out the bigger picture!! You are SO RIGHT! There is much more than words to consider!! I appreciate you reminding me of that!

HI,

Well, i'm a lesbian, and my girlfriend is not one that calls me beautiful all the time either. I weight 352 pounds, and she told me "I don't care if you're overweight, i just want you healthy. One night she called me beautiful, and i felt all these butterflies flying around in my stomach!! LOL!!

I even ask her sometimes, do you think i'm beautiful? She said, of course you are, you are so pretty..I bought a pair of shorts...(same size, even though I have lost weight in the past year)...but they were really cute, and she actually picked them out for me. I put them on, and she said "OMG, those look so cute on you"...

Then i got excited, and told her, Wait until i lose all of this weight, you can take me shopping, and she said, Well, we'll have to shop at the Salvation Army while you're losing, cause otherwise we will go broke buying you smaller sizes every month or so!! Hahaha!!!

She's right!!! bUT, I can't wait for the day, that i can go into a regular sized clothing store, and pick out a size 16 or maybe even a 12!!! I have not been in that size, since i was in my teens.

I am just really glad i joined this group. Even just reading your posts tonight, or this morning, since i can't sleep, you all are so encouraging, and i'm so happy that i joined this wonderful , and supportive group!

Thank you everyone,

Boo

Its great that you talked to him and got why he says what he does.........Just know though size 12 is amazing and its the average size for American women from what Ive heard and read. You got there the day you took control over your life and started making changes to be healthy..........and honey you are doing such an amazing job. They say beauty is only skin deep and it is sooo very true. You have beauty on the inside that's what will be with you for life. So keep doing your best on your outside but don't hide your inside let it out too.

Side note becca.........wan a come hang out on my shoulder for a day I could use a angel on my shoulder some days lately.

I have to agree with everything Isherman said - she is right on point. Not all men are verbal beings. Although my husband of 29 years is a little more flexible with words - i usually have to ask him how I look and his response is always "you look nice baby" even though half the time he's still watching tv when he says it lmbo. So when those very special moments do come I am floored when he just pops out and says "You look beautiful today honey" Does this mean that he doesn't love me, absolutely not because his love (love being an action word), is expressed in everything he does for me daily. He is the best provider, husband, father and my very best friend, he's just not a man of many words or emotions and I've come to accept that besides I'm emotional enough for the entire world so he doesn't have to be. I am a firm believer that God gives us in our mates exactly who we need and Pernell completes me. He's got all the traits I don't have like patience, etc. and we blend like a well oiled machine. So you can either let the frustration upset you about what he doesn't say or hear what he is saying through his silence. You're getting there is probably as close to You're beautiful that he's able to articulate emotionally.

The other thing is stop waiting on others to validate you because it can lead to obsession with this weight loss process. If all you hear is You're getting there it can lead you further down the weight loss line than you were originally intending to go which can also lead to an unhealthy outcome for you. You set your own goals for where you want to level out and don't concentrate on "how much you have to lose before your there" according to him. I'm sure he doesn't mean it like that. Another thing is learn to love and appreciate yourself. One of the things I've always done which may sound vain to some is compliment myself in the mornings when I get dressed for work. When I put on that last piece of clothes, checked my hair and make up and just before I'd head out I'd blow a kiss at myself in the mirror and say "you look good today babe, smooches" and out the door I went. It is the biggest ego booster you can give yourself. You've got to get more in tune with your own self-worth that way what you don't get from others you have within yourself. You'd be surprised just how changing your mindset can escalate your own confidence.

Men are men baby and they are not emotional beings like we are. Some men express love freely and that is a blessing - but it also has alot to do with their upbringing. My husband is an only boy who grew up with 5 women, his dad died early so no one told him it was okay to cry or express love freely - now don't get me wrong in terms of being a true partner to his wife and being considerate in every other way, he's got all that - but when i am freaking out on emotional overload he sits there and looks at me and often says "why do you let those things bother you" it's infuriating at time, but he's my rock of Gibraltar and without him I'd be a lunatic lmbo.

Once you've expressed how this makes you feel and he is aware of and acknowledges it, cut him some slack sweetie and just learn to validate yourself - it works for me.

A size 12!!!! You Go Girl!!!!

Be proud of yourself and your amazing accomplishments. You don't need a man to validate you.

Salute your success and your new health.

I am proud of you even if he's not.