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So, I've had a challenging week. It started with last weeks kidney stone episode ... so I havent been eating pretty much at all (back to just pushing fluids, constantly) and I am exhausted. Then today I take a huge blow to my self-esteem which just makes me realize that I have a lot of self-image body issues that I am going to have to deal with.
The back story ... I am into a guy at work. We have been friends for some time now, and he knows about my surgery. Last weekend, before the kidney stone episode we went on a "friend date" ... had dinner, saw a movie. It was a great night, I really enjoyed myself and I think he did as well.
Then I get sick, he texts me regularly to see how I am doing and then offers, last night ... to pick up dinner and a movie and come spend time with me at my house this weekend. A nice gesture, he's a nice guy.
Well, here comes the blow ... his boss - a woman who had lap band by the same surgeon who did my GBS - goes and asks one of my close friends if I like this guy. My friend evaded the question, because it really isnt any of her business ... and her response was ... "Well, he isnt for her. He has issues with the way the women he dates look." As in, I am not thin and beautiful, so there is no point.
I dont get it. I dont get why I am so crushed by this. I've lost (by this time) around 50 pounds. I think I look loads better and I have been feeling better about myself lately. Before the kidney stone episode I had more energy, I just felt healthier ... physically and mentally.
But its over. I am still the fat girl. And even when I become the skinny girl, I dont know if that will change.
The back story ... I am into a guy at work. We have been friends for some time now, and he knows about my surgery. Last weekend, before the kidney stone episode we went on a "friend date" ... had dinner, saw a movie. It was a great night, I really enjoyed myself and I think he did as well.
Then I get sick, he texts me regularly to see how I am doing and then offers, last night ... to pick up dinner and a movie and come spend time with me at my house this weekend. A nice gesture, he's a nice guy.
Well, here comes the blow ... his boss - a woman who had lap band by the same surgeon who did my GBS - goes and asks one of my close friends if I like this guy. My friend evaded the question, because it really isnt any of her business ... and her response was ... "Well, he isnt for her. He has issues with the way the women he dates look." As in, I am not thin and beautiful, so there is no point.
I dont get it. I dont get why I am so crushed by this. I've lost (by this time) around 50 pounds. I think I look loads better and I have been feeling better about myself lately. Before the kidney stone episode I had more energy, I just felt healthier ... physically and mentally.
But its over. I am still the fat girl. And even when I become the skinny girl, I dont know if that will change.
You ARE beautiful and I suspect that you know that most of the time. He enjoys you, likes you and that is where it starts. Where it ends? Well, that depends on how true you are to yourself and what he finds attractive. If he is the type who ignores overweight people, would being skinny change the fact that he is shallow? ;)
You deserve love. This is your choice. You don't let any petty minded or big mouthed woman inform the choices you make. Go on your planned day/evening and be the loving and beloved woman you know you are.
Snikahs - no one can tell you anything you don't believe. Believe in your brilliance, kindness and beauty. It's there and we see it.
Spit in her yogurt.
1. Will you always be the fat girl: uh, maybe? I have had weight issues my whole life, since about 10. Fat girl is a state of mind, not a number. I'd encourage you to work on the head stuff, which is from my perspective WAY harder than the guts stuff. FG is insidious and pervasive, from not speaking my mind, to who I dated, to what raises I accepted (really).
2. It sounds like this boss is acting like a mean girl and may have jealousy issues. Ignore if possible. Guys don't spend time with people they don't like.
3. If your photo/icon is any guide, your cute! Own it at whatever size. Rock the best outfit you've got and have the dude over.
XOX,
Lauri
Ignore what that jealous boss was spewing. You are a very attractive woman and that guy is lucky to have an upcoming date with you.
Krista
And how do you know this boss aint lieing about it.. He seems to care, calling, texting, bringing dinner?
let him decide if he likes you...
He didn't say that, she did. Judging by the way he's behaving, he doesn't have a problem, so take what she says for what it is. A bitter, vindictive comment by a hater.
She's just going to be jealous because you will have much more success than she will with a lapband.
Seems to me that if he weren't open to becoming "into you", he wouldn't have offered to spend time with you. You keep the date, girlfriend and just see where things go.
And yes, work on your body image and head issues. This is the main challenge that we all face, and getting a handle on them may ultimately determine our success. I'm betting on you coming out a winner all around.
Im saying this respectfully and because I love you but stop the pity party.
You are a gorgeous girl skinny, fat, or anything in between. If a man does not see that he is not worth your time.
These women that are talking shit about you are simply caddy and traditional office gossip bitches and you need to grow some tough skin and let this shit roll off your back. It simply is not worth the stress or the aggravation is causing you. It seems more like high school games.
Your work performance is not affected by who you date so your personal life should not even be a topic of conversation in this environment. Apparently it is because you are now the center of attention as you are a beautiful girl who is losing weight so they are going to bring your morale down.
You cancelling your date on Saturday is simply letting them get the upper hand. Misery loves company and that is what they are trying to do to you. You have fun on your date and have fun for you.
Unless he flats out tell you that he is not interested in you I would simply blow all this off, enjoy your new life, and have fun.
You are chosing to be "the fat girl" as you coined it b/c you are letting others treat you that way. If you can't love or respect yourself who else will?
Have fun and remember there's always someone with too much time on their hands who will find a way to bring others down. The question you need to ask yourself is are you going to let them?
Respectfully,
Josie
1. She is not asking you out, he is.
2. He knows what you look like.
3. If all he wants is friend to watch a movie and have a good time with. - Even prince charming had friends.
4. Everyone needs friends - except maybe his boss.
Don't let this stupid episode interfere with your self image, you're not the 'fat girl'. Even when you weighed 50pounds more, your personal identity wasn't "the fat girl" It was 'snikahs' (maybe because you always had snickers bars in your desk?) or something similar. Don't allow yourself to be defined by one part of your person - especially to yourself!
Have a good evening with the guy (and not his snarky boss). He wants to spend time with you and it's really not fair of you to identify him as the 'the guy who only dates hot skinny chicks' especially on third hand information.
Lin
Go with him on Saturday........