Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.
I feel today is the day to start cleansing my soul of old and ugly sins regarding food.... This is NOT pretty, so read on at your own risk!
I have to begin this tale with a disclaimer that it has been MANY years since I've done this... But i still have to fess up. I guess similar to a 12 step program :)
I use to go to fast food joints... That in it'self is non-healthy the majority of the time... But i use to go to one place and order enough food for 3 people.... (Sometimes to several different places... Always ending up with at least 3 or 4 thousand calories, or more, of this nasty ass food.... )
I'd even order 3 drinks.... And say things like "what was it he wanted again....?" So the person would not think it was all for me. (Like they cared! But i just felt soooo guilty!"
Then I'd go park the car someplace secluded and stuff my face with burgers and frys and god only knows what else! I'd eat IT ALL! And i don't think i ever really even enjoyed it...
I'd then find a garbage can and toss the evidence. Make sure my face was clean... And head for home where I'd cook dinner for my family AND EAT THAT TOO!
I am ashamed of this... And it is ever so hard to post it here... Yet i know its time to "fess up" to the old and ugly garbage i carry inside me every day in hopes of letting it go.
I am pretty sure this had little to do with food and much more to do with all kinds of other stuff like an abusive 1st husband, child molestation, rape later on... And who knows what else! I learned to stuff all this junk with food so i could go thru the rest of my day acting like i had my act together.
Some people use drugs, some drink, gamble, have affairs, exercise (why couldn't i have been one of those? Lol), you name it... To cope. I used food. Sometimes i still do... But not like this... And not for many years...
My only regret? Wish i'd figured it out sooner...
My saving grace today? I have a warped sense of humor that may never have formed had i not experienced all that i have. The world takes way too much way too seroius! Life is too short to not laugh every chance we get! :) so, if somewhere in all this vomit you can find humor, please, laugh your ass off!
I have to begin this tale with a disclaimer that it has been MANY years since I've done this... But i still have to fess up. I guess similar to a 12 step program :)
I use to go to fast food joints... That in it'self is non-healthy the majority of the time... But i use to go to one place and order enough food for 3 people.... (Sometimes to several different places... Always ending up with at least 3 or 4 thousand calories, or more, of this nasty ass food.... )
I'd even order 3 drinks.... And say things like "what was it he wanted again....?" So the person would not think it was all for me. (Like they cared! But i just felt soooo guilty!"
Then I'd go park the car someplace secluded and stuff my face with burgers and frys and god only knows what else! I'd eat IT ALL! And i don't think i ever really even enjoyed it...
I'd then find a garbage can and toss the evidence. Make sure my face was clean... And head for home where I'd cook dinner for my family AND EAT THAT TOO!
I am ashamed of this... And it is ever so hard to post it here... Yet i know its time to "fess up" to the old and ugly garbage i carry inside me every day in hopes of letting it go.
I am pretty sure this had little to do with food and much more to do with all kinds of other stuff like an abusive 1st husband, child molestation, rape later on... And who knows what else! I learned to stuff all this junk with food so i could go thru the rest of my day acting like i had my act together.
Some people use drugs, some drink, gamble, have affairs, exercise (why couldn't i have been one of those? Lol), you name it... To cope. I used food. Sometimes i still do... But not like this... And not for many years...
My only regret? Wish i'd figured it out sooner...
My saving grace today? I have a warped sense of humor that may never have formed had i not experienced all that i have. The world takes way too much way too seroius! Life is too short to not laugh every chance we get! :) so, if somewhere in all this vomit you can find humor, please, laugh your ass off!
no not really...and im glad you posted this...but im sorry for all the crap you went thru in the past
i only had my surgery because i was just TOO DAMN FAT!!
I used the line " What did he want again?" many times.
My line I used the most when I needed comfort food, I would go into a convenient store. Couldn't decide what snack cakes to get and would buy 3 or 4 different ones. What if I chose the wrong one and it didn't comfort me!
When I got to the register, I would ask them to double bag it.
I used the excuse it was a bribe for my kids, need to hide it.
I did hide it, in my car :(
i will share one of mine that is also many years old.
When i was little i was a latch key kid. i thought i was very fat but did not start gaining until i was in 6th grade. anyway, my mom used to let me "go on" diets with her. I remember when i would get home before her i used to raid the kitchen. I would make up any concoction i could to get sweet junky treats that she wasn't buying. i would stuff my face until just before she got home. I was ashamed that i couldn't stay on the diet without cheating.
I don't know if i have ever even told her i did this.
i found myself doing the same thing when i was quitting smoking before my RNY. My hubby would go out for a smoke and i would go to the pantry and stuff a donut down.
I'd have another one to add...
I use to buy several candy bars.... Eat all but 1 of them in the car on the way home. I'd come in the house with just one for a splurge after dinner!
I've bough a dozen dounts, brought home 2... one for me, one for hubby.... I ate the other 10 while out shopping.
Oh.... my! There are more! Like while cooking dinner, I ate enough for dinner in the kitchen, then ate again at the table, then ate more while cleaning up the kitchen...
****SIGH****
I am so done with that life! :)
Getting angry at my husband (I learned this one while married to the abusive snot!).... Not address it with him.... instead head into the kicthen and stuff my anger with food... stuff it till I could no longer feel it.
When I came to grips with this one, I sat down with current (the wonderful one!) and told him I was no longer going to do this and he was going to have to deal with me being angry with him on occasion. He's been a trooper! Says he likes me better now that I speak my mind! (Yeah, he's a keeper!)
On occasion I still find myself opening the frig.... then realizing I need to go holler at my hubby instead! LOL!
It does feel cleansing to let all this out! Kinda like losing weight, the load is off.
Kudos to all the others who are unloading as well... be it here, or elsewhere!