hi Lazer,

Well first i want to tell you that i have not met very many people on here at 5 years out. The "veterans" on here are around 2 to 3 yrs mostly.

So, i am just over 2 yrs out. I've lost 130lbs and maintained it for one year.

I hear two things in your post. 1) your spirit is hurting and 2) your body is hurting.

So let's talk about the easy part first. Your body is hurting. This also seems to be a two part situation. 1) is the pain you can not control and 2) is the pain you can control. Your back problems and other medical issues may be beyond your control. Perhaps you can only manage the pain or the situation. But the pain in your gut?? it sounds to me like what you are describing is classic "angry pouch". It sounds to me like the surgery is NOT failing. It may not be restricting you as much, but it sure seems to be yelling at the top of it's lungs. So this is the pain you can control. This is the pain you can stop.

So how do you stop it? that's the hard part - your spirit is hurting. Many of us struggled with emotional eating before surgery. Perhaps after you lost the weight things were good for a while and you didn't need to really deal with any of the emotional issues behind your eating habits. but now that you are in a different place with your health and support system, the food is calling you like a drug, promising you false relief.

The only answer to this emotional eating... honestly is counselling.

I am not trying to be harsh, but let's face it, you say you have suicidal thoughts, becoming obese again is suicide - only it's a very slow one.

Most of us say that our primary reason for this surgery was our health. that we were dying or would die early if we didn't have the surgery.

Please, please seek professional help to work through the emotional pain that you are going through. I like to look at it this way - if you had a knife sticking out of your gut, you'd go to the doctor, right? What is the difference if your have a "metaphorical" knife in your heart?

God bless, and all the best to you.
Rochelle

rbd74 took the words right out of my mouth! I would highly recommend seeking some counseling. You need to get your life back. Do not let the food win again!

I am so glad that you reached out to this group. The people here do care and do want to help. If you are feeling suicidal you can call the suicide help line for support or 911 can send someone out to your home to do a welfare check and make sure you are safe. I am not trying to scare you, but I would feel horrible if you hurt yourself and I know sometimes we just say those things out of saddness and helplessness, but if you are serious, please call! You are important. You have touched us by your comments. You are being heard, so please take care of yourself.
I also want to say how insightful and beautifully put were the words of Rochelle! If she is not a therapist, she should be!! She really broke down the situation I go through with food and choices and emotional needs. I am over a year post op and I can eat more and almost anything, but yes, my pouch does get upset with me, my nose does run when I over eat and I still get a bit dizzy and sick if I eat something with too much sugar. These are my signals that I need to watch for and it sounds like you are still getting those signals as well. That means the pouch is working, but like all of us at times, we fight it. I too would encourage you to get counseling. If you are unable to go to an office, there may be counselors who will come to you or counsel on the phone. If there is a mental health clinic in your area, you could call them and ask. Keep in touch on here and another idea if you have trouble using the internet, or no internet is to give us your address and get some pen pals from this site. I am pretty sure that some of us would be willing to write if that was the only way for you to have contact. Otherwise, check in here for support. I do not know many of the newbies, but the old timers and the wise ones like Rochelle are wonderful!! Take care and be well. Update us on how you are doing. Best of luck.

Remember that the surgery was a help...but YOU are the one that chose to eat differently and lost the weight.

YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN. Try to remember all the amazing feelings you had when you were losing weight. You can have those feelings again.

Start now - just one decision at a time. Choose to drink water with some flavoring instead of the snack food.

I know how difficult it is. I'm 2 years out and find it difficult to not fall into old habits.

YOU CAN DO IT...one small step at a time :)

Hi Lazer, you've already taken the first step by reaching out and asking for help. That shows that you have the will power to do this again and make it work. Please listen to the words Rochelle said and seek the help of a therapist. Look for local support groups or reconnect with your surgeons office. Know that people honestly do care about you. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Go back to the 5 day pouch test.

Dear Lazer- Please make an appointment today with your family physician or go to the Emergency Room if you truly have suicidal thoughts. Tell them about your thoughts, you need to have help with this before dealing with any weight issues. Please do this today. You are worth it. Kathy

You must first get you emotions in check. Consult with your pcp or seek out the mental health clinic in your area. Once you get you emotional issues under control you will be able to address the binge eating. I found my consulting a nutritionist which was part of the pre op requirement extremely benificial to making doable changes to my eating habits. Possibly consult with a bariatric surgeon as they are doing as many revisions as they are original wls's. Try to get out and take a (short) walk around the block, at the beach or in a park. Sometimes a change of pace and routine will reset your mood. Lastly you are not a failure and you do have friends....HERE. I am slightly over 18 mos out and coming here daily keeps me connected and on target. Best to you. d

You are so smart to re-connect with this site! I agree with all the counselling advice!

There is also a connection between pain and depression and taking an antidepressant may help with both. I take an antidepressant that also is indicated for chronic pain and it really helps me.

Good brain chemistry (especially levels of dopamine) is also critical for fighting addictive behaviors such as eating all day. A doctor can help with this!

Have added you to my prayer list. Please keep us posted on how you are doing!

you can do this.. get back on track.. do the five day pouch test and stay back on track.. get your body moving . slowly and get back to where you were..
we are here to help you...

Lazer,

I agree with what everyone has said here. But first and foremost please, please get some professional counseling. I know that by getting you head, heart, and emotions back on track you will then be able to get your body, eating, and weight loss back on track. Hang in there. You are in my prayers.

I agree with so many of the earlier post. I am just over 4 years out and it hard. I have gain 50 from my lowest point. Please remember that the surgery is a TOOL to assist us in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. We still have to make choices and yes EXERCISE. I did so well with the whole thing until I broke my ankle and then i fell out of the habit, but am progress on getting it back into my routine again. But I do suggest that you go visit with your doc or find a close support group. I was just feeling that I needed a boost and found this group. As I am 3 hrs from my doc. It sounds liek you are hearing what your body is telling you, now listen and get up and get going:) YOU CAN DO THIS!! We just have to make sure we are using all the "tools" we have to be sucessful. Pray for strength, our God is an awesome God and will help us through anything!