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Ok... so I have to share this or I'll end up eating away the stress, or at least think I can and then try.
My mother is in her 80's, a couple years after remarrying at 70 ish, (My father died in 83) she had a stroke, then another one.... She lives in very upscale nursing home about an hour from me. Her hubby, a fabulous man who I am proud at my age to call my step father, spends 6 days a week with her.
Well, last night, after a male aid put her to bed... my Mother started yelling that he raped her. Her story is, as he was helping her to bed he put his arms around here, felt her up, tossed her on the bed, and climbed on top... She fought him and he left. Never truly raping her, but assaulting her sexually.
My stepfather took her to the hosp, but of course there was no physical evidence as things never got that far. Now you also need to know that my mother had dementia to some degree and does not remember things right most of the time. I will believe my mother and her story because she is my mother... However, there is also the possibility things happened differently than she believes they did. Yes, police reports have been filed, the home is all over it... The guy is on leave pending investigation.
THEN (yeah, more) my step father tells me he has kept a secret of my mothers, but in light of all that happened last night and today, he feels it is time us kids (I have 3 older brothers) knew her secret.
Apparently, when she way pretty young and living in Oklahoma with her parents, siblings, she was molested by 'some neighbor boys'. She ended up pregnant... My grandpa never knew because grandma knew he'd go kill the boys who did it... So, he thought, well, you know what he thought. He packed up his family and moved them all here to Oregon... Where my mother gave birth to a baby girl who was put up for adoption. Which means my brothers and I have an older step sister out there someplace...
All I can say.... is it has been one hell of a day! I am going to go see my mother on Saturday. I would go sooner, but I know if I am going to be helpful to her, I have to get my act together first... So, I am going to get a bunch of tears outta the way, finish off the week... and then go spend the weekend with my mom...
Thank you for listening
Becca
My mother is in her 80's, a couple years after remarrying at 70 ish, (My father died in 83) she had a stroke, then another one.... She lives in very upscale nursing home about an hour from me. Her hubby, a fabulous man who I am proud at my age to call my step father, spends 6 days a week with her.
Well, last night, after a male aid put her to bed... my Mother started yelling that he raped her. Her story is, as he was helping her to bed he put his arms around here, felt her up, tossed her on the bed, and climbed on top... She fought him and he left. Never truly raping her, but assaulting her sexually.
My stepfather took her to the hosp, but of course there was no physical evidence as things never got that far. Now you also need to know that my mother had dementia to some degree and does not remember things right most of the time. I will believe my mother and her story because she is my mother... However, there is also the possibility things happened differently than she believes they did. Yes, police reports have been filed, the home is all over it... The guy is on leave pending investigation.
THEN (yeah, more) my step father tells me he has kept a secret of my mothers, but in light of all that happened last night and today, he feels it is time us kids (I have 3 older brothers) knew her secret.
Apparently, when she way pretty young and living in Oklahoma with her parents, siblings, she was molested by 'some neighbor boys'. She ended up pregnant... My grandpa never knew because grandma knew he'd go kill the boys who did it... So, he thought, well, you know what he thought. He packed up his family and moved them all here to Oregon... Where my mother gave birth to a baby girl who was put up for adoption. Which means my brothers and I have an older step sister out there someplace...
All I can say.... is it has been one hell of a day! I am going to go see my mother on Saturday. I would go sooner, but I know if I am going to be helpful to her, I have to get my act together first... So, I am going to get a bunch of tears outta the way, finish off the week... and then go spend the weekend with my mom...
Thank you for listening
Becca
It's hard when parents grow old period much less suffer from dementia, but to have potentially been raped or possibly experienced an old memory from her youth that sprung out of her head at this point in her life is horrifying not to mention the new revelation that you now have to deal with in knowing you have another sister - i can't begin to imagine all the pain you must be feeling, because my chest is tight just reading this. I pray for your mothers sake that no attempt of rape was actually made on her person especially at her age and this is just some facet of the dementia. Sometimes dementia can cause old pains to surface and I'd rather believe that is what it is than accept in my spirit that some sick parasite tried to rape her.
The only insight I can give you on how to put everything that your feeling right now into perspective is for YOU TO PRAY AND ASK GOD FOR STRENGTH because my dear you are going to need it.
As a survivor of rape and molestation, my heart completely goes out to your mom - my dear friend I pray you God's peace.
Take care sweetie...
I don't know what to say
That is so much to take in
Might explain her behavior in nursing home
But to find out you have a sibling? Wow
Keep us posted
Prayers sent
I had a restless night... But am up and headed to class. I will be calling my mom later today... I just gotta keep the tears in check while I do because I know they won't help her at all. I am actually hoping, that in her light dementia, she does not even remember and its just another day...
Thanks again for being here and being my friend. You all are priceless :) Think I'll 'keep' ya!