I know just what you mean...I told people who I knew well enough to share that information with, but in general I haven't told people I don't know well. I don't think it is lying because when they ask what I did I honestly can say that I have been eating less and working out. That is true and I have never worked harder on anything.

Later, though, I wonder if THEY would feel as if I lied to them if later someone told told them that I had GBS. I just don't ever want them to think that I don't tell because I'm ashamed. I should still get credit for all of that hard work even if I had a little help.

The question is not one of morality, but self esteem...I feel terrible for you, when I hear you say, "'lessen' my accomplishment so-to-speak by mentioning I had surgery"

I am afraid that you are buying into the shame, blame negative self esteem lie that there is a good way to lose and a bad way.

Unhealthy ways are to be avoided. But you have been under a certified bariatric surgeon's treatment and care....that's important, as you have earned the right to crow, anytime and anywhere you want! rd

At this point in time I have only shared with immediate family and one close friend, I don't considering it lying when people comment and ask how I did it, I tell them that I work with a great Nutritionist, doctor , and support group...Personally I really don't think it is anyone's business but my own...I think it is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong....I have no misgivngs about how I have handled what I choose to tell people. I also agree with Nattee, I eat far less, am very careful what I eat, and exercise, this is my doing, even if the surgery gave me the tool I needed to accomplish this, I am working at it everyday.

First, it's OK to lie. Everyone lies all the time. Many times, lies are the only way to respond. The next time you're having a crappy day and one of your customers asks "How are you?", smile big and lie proudly.. "I'm very good, thank you for asking!"

See? You have no moral or ethical obligation to share any more of the truth than you choose to with anyone (though it is true that, under certain circumstances, you may have a legal or contractual obligation).

Lying is, in itself, neither right nor wrong. That requires digging a bit deeper. What was the purpose of the lie? To make someone else's day go a bit smoother? To avoid needlessly hurting someone's feelings? To get a customer service rep to respond more appropriately? To avoid a 45 minute conversation filled with technical 3-letter acronyms that leaves a customer dazed and confused? To avoid political/religious arguments with customers that have nothing to do with the business at hand and can only damage the business relationship? Or perhaps the lie is simply convenient...

I lie for all these reasons. And more. I do so every day. I do so resolutely and without a speck of remorse, guilt or shame. Lies, both big and small, are an essential element of applied communications.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. Consider that the person you were speaking with had no legal or contractual RIGHT to the full truth.

Once, someone who barely knew me asked me how I lost so much weight. I shook my head, gave him my most serious look and whispered "feline leukemia...".

I've been through this. Every day I have to talk about my weight and surgery. It gets old. However, if somebody specifically asks "What did you do?" or if we're in a conversation, I always mention I had surgery. It is hard to talk about myself, but after losing 225 pounds, people are shocked when they see me. It's impossible for it not to come up -- sometimes several times a day. I don't talk about how much weight I've lost. I generally tell people "a lot" or my new one "a whole person." Dealing with all the curiousity can be hard.

You have a right to privacy, and you are certainly not required by any kind of moral code to "tell all" to every casual acquaintance. It's up to you to choose who you tell and who you don't. I think you are fine to say thanks and that you are working on it. That's all true.

Omission is not a form of lying - I am sticking with that story! ; D

Jerry and Farmgirl, you give me food for thought every time I read your posts. Imsche, you don't have to track, backtrack, tell or not tell. Live your life happily and placing your trust where you feel safe and your deliberate disclosure where it feels safe.

I had a particularly abusive person ask if I had the surgery. She is not safe, not kind and I don't owe her honesty. She can't respect privacy, so she doesn't get disclosure or honesty. I told her "No".

I will tell kindly intended people, some who ask, some who do not. People who are supportive and respectful are often people whom I tell; today, I told my waitress, cabdriver and masseuse. By the same token, I have elected not to tell my brother, who has used information as currency in the past.

You make your own good decisions, without guilt and with kind intent and you will not go wrong.

O

My policy is that if they ask how I lost weight and seem sincere, I tell them I had surgery and have drastically changed my diet and am exercising. Usually if someone comments on my weight, like you, I say "thanks, I feel great." and leave it at that.

My standard answer if I don't want to have "the conversation" I just say "I've done all those things my doctor told me to." Not a lie but doesn't give any information!

I respectfully disagree with RD, I am not ashamed I had the surgery, but most people stop listening after they hear surgery and don't listen to all the behavioral and emotional changes one must make.

thanks for another good topic, O!

It's none of anyone's business if you don't want it to be. If you are having the worst period of your life and someone asks if you are OK, do you go into detail over that or do you just say you don't feel too well? I am not ashamed that I had my surgery but sometimes I just don't want to go into all the detail.

Thanks for the replies!

Ricky--don't feel terrible for me! I have my moments, but mostly I am absolutely fine with self esteem! Especially after this surgery, which makes me feel more awesome than I already thought I was...lol

Jerry...omg, you made me laugh!! Feline leukemia? That is hysterical! (But of course, not in any particular case where a kitty has it.)

I'm so glad you brought this topic up.

I'm scheduled to have my surgery this coming Friday, June 24. (Yikes! I'm so nervous!) I've told my boss that I'm having surgery, but not what kind, and asked him not to say anything, which I know he will respect. And my husband is the only other person who knows (besides all you good people).

I've decided that this is a personal decision that *I* have made, and it is MY business. Also, I do not need to hear anything negative from anybody going into surgery -- like trying to talk me out of it, or saying "oh I heard this or I heard that." Rolling down that hallway to the O.R., I only want positive thoughts in my head and positive support from my husband, all of which will carry me through the surgery and my recovery. Do you know what I mean?

Later... when I start shedding the weight... I may tell family and close friends... and maybe I won't. I'll see. So... no, not lying... it's YOUR business, not anyone else's. :)

I get that all the time too from clients at the salon. I do not tell anyone unless I feel like telling them. The surgery is a great tool and obviously has helped a lot but I do eat right and go to the gym regularly so thats what i tell them if they ask. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Dont feel like you owe anyone anything because this is for YOU not them!

xoxo

So glad you posted this, its been 2 weeks since my surgery and I'm wondering what ALL and I'm going to tell people. I really don't think its there business about the surgery. I've lost 14 pounds and I said a lot of liquids, protein shakes and walking. No lying :-)

Although I wouldn't feel obligated to tell a casual acquaintance about the surgery, I would just accept the compliment and keep going. For the question of rude (or desperate) people by asking how did I lose the weight --By saying diet and excercise you aren't lying. We all still have to diet , watch what we eat and excercise or we can regain. Most of the time when you say "diet and excercise" the nosy people will just say "OH" be disappointed and go on their way. Everyone thinks there is a miracle cure for obesity. However, before I left work for surgery, I went ahead and let it be known I was going to have GBS, I had already lost 60 lbs and people thought I had done "something" anyway. This way when I go back to work, there will be no questions and will require no explanations. They can either say "wow, you look good" or not acknowledge it at all, their choice. I know how well I have done and don't need their remarks.