Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.
So... This last week seems all I do is cry! But its weird, not sad tears, at least I don't think they are... I think its because this is all becoming real for me. That I am allowing myself to believe I won't be 300ish pds the rest of my life...
That I am going to lose enough to fit into the desks comfortably at my college. That I will be able to walk around campus without my cane and in tons of pain, dreading every step I take. That I will be able to NOT be the biggest person in a room! That I will be able to shop in normal stores. That I will be able to go to the park with my grandkids and do more than sit on the bench and watch them play... That I won't be embarrassed for my husband anymore (yeah, hes wonderful and loves me no matter what, but that does not stop my embarrassment!)... To have energy and desire to MOVE again! To go hiking again... and walking in the park... or even the grocery store with ease... Oh, heck, ya'll know.. the list goes on and on... all stuff you've heard from me before... But I am starting to believe that I will have these chances and so much more!!
Yeah, I still worry... worry that my INS won't give me the final approval... worry that I'll have have a hard time dealing with bat wings and the like... worry that my hair will all fall out and I'll go bald! Worry that I'll be the one in a zillion that won't lose wt post surgery... And yah, I know! I know! These are silly things to worry about, but my head still does, at least some!
And some of the tears might be tears of grief... Tears for a life I am leaving behind (as silly as that sounds!)... As much as I want this way of living behind me, there is still a comfort attached the the known, and I think I grieve for that part... (Hard to explain!)
I am close to finishing off my BS at the University of Oregon... I plan/hope to go on to Grad School... I am not sure I could pull off Grad School at 300+ pounds, but knowing I will be fit and healthy when the time comes makes it all seem possible for this 52 year old college student!
I also consider instead of Grad school... going back to work for the government... This time in a upper management position (before I was front line management)... something I could do with my BS.... I even envision myself walking into an interview in some slick, smaller sized business suit, dazzling them with my wit! LOL! :)
I think I am seeing a future now where before it was/is just enough to get thru a term, or even a day...
Anywhoo... The tears just keep rolling down my face! Happiness... disbelief.... fear.... excitement.... Joy... nerves.... and a million other emotions.. Its been so long since I've looked in the mirror and been ok with what I saw that just the idea of this makes me cry! Am I going to spend the next 3 months crying? :)
That I am going to lose enough to fit into the desks comfortably at my college. That I will be able to walk around campus without my cane and in tons of pain, dreading every step I take. That I will be able to NOT be the biggest person in a room! That I will be able to shop in normal stores. That I will be able to go to the park with my grandkids and do more than sit on the bench and watch them play... That I won't be embarrassed for my husband anymore (yeah, hes wonderful and loves me no matter what, but that does not stop my embarrassment!)... To have energy and desire to MOVE again! To go hiking again... and walking in the park... or even the grocery store with ease... Oh, heck, ya'll know.. the list goes on and on... all stuff you've heard from me before... But I am starting to believe that I will have these chances and so much more!!
Yeah, I still worry... worry that my INS won't give me the final approval... worry that I'll have have a hard time dealing with bat wings and the like... worry that my hair will all fall out and I'll go bald! Worry that I'll be the one in a zillion that won't lose wt post surgery... And yah, I know! I know! These are silly things to worry about, but my head still does, at least some!
And some of the tears might be tears of grief... Tears for a life I am leaving behind (as silly as that sounds!)... As much as I want this way of living behind me, there is still a comfort attached the the known, and I think I grieve for that part... (Hard to explain!)
I am close to finishing off my BS at the University of Oregon... I plan/hope to go on to Grad School... I am not sure I could pull off Grad School at 300+ pounds, but knowing I will be fit and healthy when the time comes makes it all seem possible for this 52 year old college student!
I also consider instead of Grad school... going back to work for the government... This time in a upper management position (before I was front line management)... something I could do with my BS.... I even envision myself walking into an interview in some slick, smaller sized business suit, dazzling them with my wit! LOL! :)
I think I am seeing a future now where before it was/is just enough to get thru a term, or even a day...
Anywhoo... The tears just keep rolling down my face! Happiness... disbelief.... fear.... excitement.... Joy... nerves.... and a million other emotions.. Its been so long since I've looked in the mirror and been ok with what I saw that just the idea of this makes me cry! Am I going to spend the next 3 months crying? :)
but here are my thoughts...i think its the fact that you are losing 2 of your very closest friends...food...and the old you...we tend to be comfortable with who we are...what we are..what we do etc...we are our own best friends...and that person is not physically going to be here like she was in your case...she (you ) are going to be a whole new person...its like looking at a stranger in the mirror after loss of weight loss...and the food...well that speaks for itself...it was/is your comfort...your bst friend when you are sad..when you celebrate life...when you gather with friends and family...now they are going to not be able to play that comfort role...well in a much much smaller way obviously...BUT....you are going to see another best friend soon in that mirror...that person in the mirror will always have a bigger smile...be more proud of herself...more confident...well it just goes on and on...anyway...thats my thoughts..for whatever they are worth...you cry all you want...its ok...it really is...i did it...we all did/will...whethere we admit it or not..and maybe just on the inside...but we do/will...hugs!!
I think you are right... Kinda like when I booted my ex husband years ago! LOL!
I knew he needed to go... I knew I'd be better off... but there was still that, what I call... "Old comfortable shoe" feel to the relationship :)
However, 20+ years later, never regretted the decision once! :) :)
:)
JJ
Diane, It is helpful to know I am not alone.... i appreciate that very much!
And JJ... Not for one moment have I thought it might not be worth it!! Not once!! And that I am happy (and crying again! sheeshe!) for!
Hard, yeah! Worth it? Totally! :) (thank you! don't forget... you are my hero!)
I know for me life is changing in so many ways.... I do miss PARTS of the old me... I do miss CERTAIN FOODS... I do miss my JACK and DIET PEPSI's... But what I don't miss is so much more.... I can look in the mirror and be happy with the physical image I am becoming.... I am still working really hard on the "head work" as it overwhelms me sometimes.... I didn't plan on that part being so much work... I didn't do my homework...
Just this morning I said to my husband: I am having a hard time adjusting to the new me, and the new way of life.... As much as I am enjoying doing more and more things, my back issues still impede me... And I now overdue more than I was doing... And it is so hard to know when to stop, and when I can do what I need to....
I am not sure I am helping you.... But I hope I am....
I have NO regrets having this surgery.... I wish I had done it sooner... I still fear that I will be able to remain successful at it, but I try to think positive...
You are such an inspiration I truly believe you are going to be very successful... I am believing with you that you will NOT have an issue with your insurance company... And if you ever want to talk, send me a message... I will gladly send you my phone number...
HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... Kathi
I know you both are relative new to the bench... and I appreciate your newer perspective. Also nice to hear I am still NORMAL! LOL!!
And K, I just might take you up on that phone call one of these days! :) :)
I see your process as something very positive and I am pretty sure that you will go to the surgery ready for this big and fantastic change. I can feel it!
I am in the same process than you ;-) but I am doing it post-surgery and I deeply think that to do it before is a huge sign of success. You are ready for the big day, you know what is coming and you will reach success.
Take care, hugs,
Susie