Sometimes I have to wonder how I can be more than twice the size of the average person, and only feel like half a person. I wonder how I can take up so much space but strive for invisibility. I wonder how I could have wasted 16 years of my life allowing my weight to slowly but surely crush the life out of me. I wonder at the higher power that led me to apply, interview and accept a job that my self confidence told me was impossible for a person like me to get. I wonder again at the higher power that put me into a job that surrounds me with people that lift me up on every shift and have made me feel human again, and that same job provides the health insurance that allowed me to see medical professionals that have led me down the road to WLS. In 18 days I take that big leap into the rest of my life, and so help me God I have learned from my past and will not repeat the steps that brought me where I am at this point in my life.

I have moments of near terror at taking this step, but then I settle into my decision as I feel I have been led here for whatever reason, and I have trust through to the other side.