I'm very sorry you are going through this......I do have a question can you just cook your way for you and the kids and let him fend for himself since it sounds to be 3 to 1.

I actually stay at a friends most of the time and we cook separately and we both had RNY. we do eat together when possible though.

So sorry!! At my house, when I cook.... they get whatever I choose to cook. if my hubby cooks, then he we get whatever he chooses to cook. Which means often I make my own dinner when he cooks.... But sometimes I can manage at least a portion of his cooking... Not always tho :)

And sometimes I cook stuff they like that I won't eat,,,, but that's when I am in the mood :)

We all just kinda work it out i guess... but my eating has been different in some ways than hubbys for quite sometime. He is slowly coming around to healthier choices, but not always....

Your success is in your hands. I'd do like KatLin says and take care of myself. I'd even let him cook for the kids if he wants. But get to those ribs while they're still in the fridge and put some aside for yourself. Be assertive!

You need to take charge of the kitchen. Maybe your husband needs some guidance. Tell him what changes are needed for you to be successful, and that you need his support to make your journey the best it can be. Some men need a reality check.
Shelley

I have tried to get his support throughout, i dont holdout much hope it will come now.........
I typically cook for myself, but it would be nice to be pa r t of the family again too. I am not asking him to give up food, just think about it a little.
I think i have reached a stage where i am struggling some myself. A bit of mourning food this weekend. It is a big event week for my little town and everything revolves around food. So i was a little left out there, and then for first regular meal home this. And i just talked to him today that i was at as a point i could work on ttying more if it was prepared right.

But in all honesty, there are some more issues in my rrlationship that are really building for me. And have been. I think i had this surgery b ecause i h ave f elt like i needed to be able to be independent if it came to that. I got a job, had surgery, and have put alot of timeinto finding myself again.

I love coming here. I can voice th i s without any rumors starting. :)
Sorry for the typing, new kindle and the keyboard is hard forme s till.

This is just my opinion but if he is supporting you and you feel like he wont ever maybe you need to have a serious talk about it. Yes this is just one thing but its super huge thing and your husband should be able to sacrifice a little of himself for you as I'm sure you have done for him.

A lot of men are often jealous when their wives lose a lot of weight, especially if they themselves are bigger. They even seem to sabotage them, or seem to rub her nose in the fact that he can have things she no longer can.

I'm a psych student. Last year I did research into this exact topic of jealous husbands.

See he isnt huge. Not totally fit but not obese. My weight loss is freeing me up to do more with him and the kids. Sso i cant see the jealousy part. To me it is just thoughtlessness. Communication is not a strong point for him and it is causing big problems for me......

I ended up obese when i married him, quit my job, gave up my dailyhorse riding andmoved to no where land. He was gone mont h s at a time, so the boys and i learned to live wi t hout him. Now he is home more and it is all different.

Have you asked him what's motivating his apparent attempts to sabotage your weight loss? It might be that he's afraid that when you are slender you will no longer want him......If you can find a way to open a conversation with him that is non-threatening, you may both benefit from it. Good luck. :)

Every household is different. But I don't expect anyone to eat the way I do. I am pre-op, but have been eating low carb for some time. My partner had the lapband about 7 years ago, so she eats the same way I do, with a few exceptions. We also have her elderly mom and her two twenty something sons, who do not want to go without carbs and sweets and gravies etc.. I am the primary cook for the evening meal for everyone, and they all fend for themselves for the other two meals. When I cook dinner, I prepare the protein sometimes in two different ways. One for my partner and I, and one for the others. I also make a carb dish for the boys and grandma like potatoes, rice or pasta to go with it, and then a veggie dish we can all share. We all have what we need. If anyone else cooks, we eat what we can, or have eat a standby like yogurt or tuna salad, or cottage cheese and fruit. We might not eat the same thing, but we still share a meal.

It is not so much the whole food thing as it is the point that I am 4 months into this journey and he still does no acknowledge it at all. Like it is just a phase I will get over if he ignores it long enough. I could learn to deal with eating I nice chicken breast while they snorf down piza, if he would just aknowledge something. It is like I am the hired help and don't require any individual attention. (Until he wants something from me)

Vent Spot group on DS. Come join!
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/vent-spot

I will take a look, but I really am more comfortable venting to my family here. It is easier for them to understand where I am at, know what I may be feeling,

:)

GR,

sorry you're going thru this with hubby. I know when I go to my partner's house to visit, i'm more prone (pre=op) to not eat as healthy. I have talked to her, and she is more than happy to have me cook alongside her, and she can prepare things for her, as I do for me.

Actually, she wants to lose, so she said she will try to eat healthier with me.

We haven't done this yet, cause I haven't seen her in a few weeks, but I plan on sticking to my guns, in trying to lose this weight, so they can schedule my surgery! It's important to me, and I know she will support me.

Good luck ,and always feel free to come to us to vent, ANYTIME!!

HUGS,

Boo

Learning to live together again after months of absence at a time is tough. It really makes you think of the relationship as a whole and where it is going. You've been on your own and done we'll without him. You've taken steps already to ensure independence if need be. If communication and support are failing here and in other areas you may want to have a conversation with yourself about what you want the rest of your life to look like and what is best for you and your kids. Try not to let the resentments build up. Confront them. Good luck. I'll be thinking of you.

I totally understand where you are coming from. My husband supports me in a sense but is not conscious about what we are having for dinner or any meal for that matter. I will tell him as we sit for our meal what I can and cannot have, I am pre-op so his excuse is, I have not had the surgery yet so it is not as big of a deal.
However He was gone for the last 3 years for 9 months at a time working in ND we are in MN and anytime he was gone I was able to loose weight and did pretty good anytime he came to visit I gained weight. I too think that we will struggle that way for awhile. More or less I know that I will just have to take over preparing meal in the house hold until he gets it down.
When you add in other struggles to that issue it makes it a lot harder to get it through their heads. Good luck and if you want to vent more message me!