you could have sabotaged yourself.. not work with this tool...gave up on it... so Congratulations for succeeding? :)

I think it's purely because people don't know what to say, and Congratulations seems like a nice, positive thing to say. I'm sure people are genuine with their comments.

Head games for sure! I'm dealing with the same sort of thing and having to work through it almost every day.

Keep up the good work, we're all in this together =)

I am right there where you are, and struggle to not have it bother me. I'm ok with hearing how good I look, but congratulations throws e into a tizzy! I feel great, and I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to have surgery, but I have two sources of guilt...letting myself get to a place of needing it, and feeling very selfish for putting myself first with my time now. A lot of the time I used to spend doing for my family is now spent at the "Y", or shopping for healthy food, or cooking my food...It is all just head work that needs continued attention.

I hear what you are saying... I really do!

It is different for me I think just because over the last 4 years preop I did everything within my power to lose without surgery. I was not bouncing back and forth between dieting and eating everything in sight like I had done in the past (not saying you were by no means!!)... but that is what I use to do. And it was during those times when I felt like a failure.

When I decided it was time to get my act together and really take care of myself.... I worked H A R D to make a difference. I spent 4 years following a healthy, low calorie, eating plan. I made H U G E changes and exercised consistently 5 to 7 days a week. Don't get me wrong, I had the occasional slip up, but a meal or a day maybe.... then back on track.

Over that 4 years I lost around 40-50 lbs (did that in the first year) then NOTHING. With the help of doctors and nuts.... still NOTHING. I was stuck and I had done everything possible, besides surgery.

I was very frustrated of course, but knew it was not because "I couldn't do it".... I was doing it! My body just was not cooperating any longer! When my thyroid tanked for the 2nd time last fall and I gained 50+ lbs in 3 months, I was sure I had to take drastic measures to regain my health.

My point to my long, rambling post.... I have no "shoulda/woulda/coulda's" going around in my head. Had I made the commitment to change my lifestyle when I was younger, I might not have ever needed surgery.... BUT I cannot go back and change that, I can only go forward. And I am celebrating the fact that I had the courage to have the surgery that is changing my life :)

Becky, this is not about what you could have done different... this is about being proud of the fact that you were courageous enough to make this huge life commitment to take charge of your health! A HUGE congratulations is in order! You HAVE earned it! :) Chin up sweetie!

I feel the same way. When people say that to me or when people tell me they are so proud of me for doing this. I feel why should they be proud? I did this to myself ya know? However, your comment about

"I guess to me, congratulating me on my weight loss is like congratulating a woman for having her house cleaned for a party when she paid someone to do it for her. "

I would have to say that yes we paid someone to do the surgery but WE have to put in SO much work into it and so many things that we have to do in order to be successful, stay successful, and heck just to get the surgery that it is not like we just sit by and watch the pounds come off without any work. You should feel proud! Now if your comment was "getting congratulated for cleaning your own home for a party that you are having, where cleaning your home is something you should do anyway" now that is more how I feel. I should have been healthy all along and it should be something that is just "done" and not having to fix....

Hope I made sense there. 98lbs is awesome!!! :)

I read this post earlier this morning and it has been stuck in my mind ever since. It's really bothering me.

I think we need to...and in fact deserve to...love ourselves. And part of that is accepting the sincere congratulations for people who want us to feel good about what we have accomplished. Not what went before. It's recognizing that no matter what went before, we have worked hard to be where we are today. It is not an easy path.

Shouldn't we be happy/thankful when a loved one survives a heart attack even if they have been lifelong smoker? Or would it be better for us to celebrate when they die because, heck, they brought it on themselves?

Should we congratulate someone who gets sober after a long-time struggle with drugs or alcohol? Or should we just ignore them because it's their own fault?

Congratulations is a show of support and don't we all need all the support we can get? We have to open ourselves up to it first. We have to believe we deserve it.

If we cannot love ourselves, we have bigger problems that just making sure we get enough protein and water. I think that's really where the head work needs to start. After that, it will all fall into place.