Guess I was not done "Dumping!" as I have to ad that I KNOW I have to get a handle on this because I have to have a handle on it for the rest of my life!!

And I know I can because I have done so well for 4 years!! And the reason I decided to have the surgery is because all my hard work at lifestyle changes was paying off in a healthier me, but not a slimmer me... And to get healthier, I must get lighter!

I think I am shocked that I could do so good for so long then have it fall apart! I guess maybe it is good that I find this out pre surgery, so it won't blind side me down the road, post surgery!

I think if I can figure out how to get a handle on this I will learn so much that will be helpful later on... I just got to figure this darn thing out!

My head is a scary thing some days! lol!

We all have our bad days! Maybe instead of eating grab a hard candy to get the taste! I know its hard. It took me forever just to lose the 10lbs i had to lose I felt like crap because of it! Keep your head up! It will get better!!!

Do you have a surgery date yet? I know my Dr. set a goal for me to lose before surgery or surgery would be cancelled because I couldn't prove I could stick to a plan. That gave me the motivation to stick to it because like you I wanted it so badly. Get the bad food out of your house so you can't reach for it. Increase your fluids with lots of water and start decreasing your caffeine (if you drink any) now, it'll be a big help post surgery to already have this in place and will help you get to your goal. You can do this!!!

I began eating alot before my surgery date, "saying goodbye" to foods that would be off limits after surgery. I gained 10 extra lbs! It can be very stressful to think you won't have those comfort foods again but like the nutrionist told me, it's not forever. Moderation or special occasions for cheats. I track my food intake on fitness pal and it helps me realize what I'm doing at every meal. If it's a bad choice I remind myself that I was lucky enough to have the surgery for a second chance and don't want to be where I was 11/02/12.....40 lbs heavier! I have my "oops" meals but we are human and it's not easy. Be kind to yourself and patient. Try the food tracker, I think it might help! Stay strong and good luck!

I feel your pain and frustration and know exactly how you feel. Just know you can do this. You've done it before and you can do it again. Let's (believe me I say this to myself), put up our big girl panties and do this for US!!! Not for anyone else but for ourselves. We can do this. We can say no. We can drink more water..we can all day long - do the next right thing! Happy New Year to You and the NEW YOU!!!!

What has been building up inside of you is why you are eating. The head stuff will be in my opinion 95% of your journey to success. Here are some great books that can help you to learn how to find healthier ways of working through what has built up inside of you.

A course for weight loss 21 spiritual lessons by Marianne Williamson

Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth
When Food is Food and Love is Love.
Breaking Free from Emotional Eating. She has others too.

Excuse be Gone how to change lifelong self defeating thinking habits by Wayne Dyer

Losing your pounds of pain, breaking the link between abuse, stress, and overeating by Doreen Virtue
Constant Craving also by Doreen Virtue

Learning to feel our feelings instead of eating them is our greatest opportunity for growth throughout this journey and can help to set us free!

Becca, are you journalling your food? when you see what you have eaten written down on paper it is a big wake up call. Also try eating the way you will need to after surgery - protein first and limited carbs.. I had days when I felt so hungry I wanted to cry, but as Lcat4 says, so much of it is in our heads.

I would also recommend trying to exercize as much as possible - it will need to be a part of your lifestyle after surgery.

You CAN do this and you have this amazing group of people along side with you!!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I appreciate everyone's input!

Yes! it is time to put on the big girl panties! :)

I do journal my foods, have done this for 4 years now... But have slipped up here lately and not been as consistent.

Normally, I weight (have a digital food scale) and measure everything! But that too I have slipped on.

Exercise. Once again, I WAS exercising 5 or more times a week. But when my health turned on me, this slipped as well. Now that I am feeling better, getting back in the grove has proven hard.

By the light of day, I am feeling better and have a plan now. Here it is: (by sharing this, it makes it more real!)

1> I cannot fix all my slips in one day as it overwhelms me and I give up.

2> As of today I will weigh/measure and track EVERYTHING. I'm not going to worry so much as to what I am eating, just being honest about it and tracking it.

3> Move more. Even if just short walk with hubby.

4> Beginning winter term (Jan 7th) I will attend my two workout classes I am registered for.

5> Over the coming week, make healthier choices in my foods just a little at a time.

6> By Jan 7th (winter term) be back on track with all my food choices

7> By end of first week of term, be fully back on track, not only ON the wagon, but driving the darn thing :)

Oh, and Lcat4... I am a HUGE fan of Gennene Roth! I have several of her books, but have not read them in years. Time to dust them off and reread them! I also copied the others down and will do some searching for them as well.

Thanks again for all the support! I feel kinda like this boobing little kid who is saying "poor me"... as I KNOW I can do this! Heck, I'd been doing "it" for 4 years! :)

I do think there is a very big lesson for me here. And that is no matter how much I think I've got this thing (the new lifestyle), that after many years, I can still fall. That I shouldn't get too cocky, thinking I don't have to be vigilant any longer.

I took me about 48 years to build up my crappy habits, it will take a lot more than 4 years to rebuild them! But I can do it!

Good for you Becca - I'm loving that fighting spririt. You can do this!!!