My darkest point was trying to commit suicide and ending up in a mental ward. I hated myself for living a lie. I hated myself for being a thief. I hated God. I know those are nasty, cruel words. I hated me.

6+ months without placing a bet, and grateful, oh so grateful to be happy? Happy? Yes, happy today.

6+ congrats ...that is no easy feat. 6 months can turn into 6 years...don't look back and repeat the same mistakes.

God is a God of sinners, and His love for you won't change, but gambling is against Him. We all need to stop it before it's too late. If we die tomorrow, we would go to hell. Need Him, can't neglect Him.

getting bailed out by my kids only to go back a few days later and lose again. When you have to borrow from your own kids,,its more than bad.

My darkest moment was one night on my way home after a gambling binge I prayed to god on my mothers life I would never gamble again.I felt it was the only way I could stop.I didn't gamble for two years after that.Then we went on vacation and I gave myself permission to gamble just once and of course that is not possible when you are an addict.I remember praying so hard for God not to take my mom. That still haunts me years later.

When I was young I brought a piece of land in Florida for $2500 My original intent was to move there and build a house on it. It never happened but I kept it for many years. In the meantime I had two kids. So I decided to save it for them to help pay for college or a down payment on a house. At some point in time I started gambling and became overwhelmed by credit card debt. I sold the land for $65,000 paid off my debt then continued to gamble the rest away. And went back into debt again. It still haunts me to today how I ruined my kids future

I forgot to add a few years later I stopped gambling for five years. After one night I eyed a progressive slot machine with a jackpot of 15 million it was the only open seat in the row on a very busy night. It was a $5 machine $15 max bet. I decided I didn't have enough money on me to chance it and would play the penny slots first and then come back to it. I walked away but not to far away.Less then ten minutes later an older couple sat down on my machine and hit the progressive jackpot right away. I was so sick and angry at myself. That I stayed away from the casinos for 5 years. But now I'm back again and it's driving me crazy. This is what convinced me to post tonight. Thanks for reading johnnyboy

its been years of little dark moments...no monster one except claiming bankruptcy twice in 10 years as my best worst accomplishment

Not a huge victory but over two weeks casino free, gambling free CFGF....It is really amazing the difference about the outlook that I have about life....wanting to go do something other than gambling....Planning a few days in Colorado to look at some mountains and some fall aspen...and the neat thing is we can do it with funds from our checking account not credit card...My wife and I visited today about gambling and she said "Cold Turkey", I said that is the only way for me...can't do anything else....Glad she will support me and help with my struggle...She likes to play Texas Holdem but she can take it or leave it...I am asking for her to leave it...I don't need the temptation. It truly is one day at a time and there is a real life that doesn't involve jerking a handle or pushing a button....

I was visiting family and my brother and his wife gave me a good sum of cash to add to my son's memorial scholarship fund at the college (he died in an accident at 19). Of course, I took the cash and went to the casino and pissed it away. Great mom I am huh? Also gambled many hours during my son's life. I can never get that time back.

betterdaysahead, I'm so sorry for your loss. (((((Hugs)))))

@johnnyboy1960 Just so you know you wouldn't have hit that progressive jackpot that night. What you just described is a common gambler's fallacy and one of the things that keeps sucking slot players like us in. The concept of a hot or cold machine, a machine that is due or that the next outcome is predetermined or dependent on what just happened is a myth.

Every outcome is an independent event. It's not based off of what happened and it doesn't know what it's going to do next. To have acheived that same outcome you would have had to spin that slot machine at the exact millisecond that couple did, which is an impossibility, for the machine to have generated the same result.

The actual odds of winning on any specific slot pull are difficult to calculate. The casino programs the lifetime payback percentage of the machine, usually between 85-95%. That figure is based off of millions of spins. As a result it's also impossible to say what your odds will be with a specific amount of play since you are only at that machine for a mere fraction of those millions of spins.

What I can say for sure is the odds are not good. In fact, probably the worst in the casino. This is why slots now dominate the space on the casino floor and slot players are tempted with the best comps by casino hosts. It's the casino's most profitable venture.

Understanding I was addicted to a game that can't be won helped me in my struggle to stop gambling. I hope this information helps you move past "the one that got away" and helps you in your struggle as well.

@betterdaysahead - I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there, one day at a time.