This is the typical hell us compulsive gamblers can be stuck in for years. The feeling of being hypnotized or mesmerized is common. Many report having 'brown outs', I did, these are similar to an alcoholic 'black out', where the gambling does not remember clearly how long they gambled or how much they lost. I remember not knowing how many times I went to the ATM, and I would go to the ATM until there was no more money to be had, then I would max out credit and then hit myself in the forehead all the way home, calling myself all kinds of stupid, and other not nice things.
In the height of my addiction, I did the same thing, and thought perhaps I could not stop. At the end of my gambling I had not only lost all my money, but everything, job, home, relationship, friends, mental health, self esteem, morals, physical health, nearly my freedom and very nearly my life.
In early November I celebrated two years since my last bet, I got on the road to recovery through counseling, therapy, a face to face support group, this site, finding a higher power, relaxation techniques, artwork, journaling, many other tools and a constant vigilance and awareness of my own thoughts.
Sometimes my inner gambler/addict seems like an unruly 3 year old, I have had to learn to be the loving, kind, consistent, firm parent to myself that I never had as a child.
It has been the fight of my life and a fight for my life. I still must be ready to redirect my own thoughts when they drift toward the idea that gambling would be a good idea. I decided that my former belief that "I can get ahead by gambling", is a false belief, it may be true for others, but not for me. "Gambling is harmless fun" was another false belief I used to have, I know now that it is every bit as dangerous as heroin addiction. Gambling for me was like driving a high end sports car at over 100 miles per hour with no brakes.
You can recover, but you must fight for it with everything you've got, using everything and anything until you find something that works for you.
Hang in there, hugs and prayers.

Thank you so much for your support! Congrats on your two year recovery!

its so true, although we have no cure, we have the ability to fight w/all our resources, congrats on 2 years, which is beyond an incredible accomplishment

I am constantly struggling with my gambling addiction day in and day out. I used to gamble at the live casinos when they were more convenient than the online "casinos" that I eventually became addicted to. Once I kicked that habit I quickly picked up scratcher tickets as a "harmless alternative". Scratchers have become even more addictive than online poker ever was. I find myself easily spending $100 a day at the gas stations and grocery store trying to hit it big. When I have days off from work its even worse, because I become so bored and angsty with my free time. I have a good job where I make cash daily so it is very easy to squander my daily take on a stretch of tickets. The only thing keeping me from going off the deep end is my sense of responsibility to my friends and family which surprisingly keeps me grounded. I have to constantly remind myself that I have a problem in order to curb my voracious appetite for gambling.

It is odd that by admitting we have a problem, the problem somehow has less power. The more people I have 'come out' to as a compulsive gambler the less strong the addiction is. It is something about the AA saying, that we are only as sick as our secrets.