i had this conversation with my counsellor, as i asked him questions about the psychology of gambling, how do machines addict people, and he said, the machines didn't get me addicted, i got myself addicted, i had emotional trauma i was trying to block as we figured out since my friend got murdered and it triggered me to gamble initially. my counsellor said, the machines are made to appeal to people just like any other other product. so it got me thinking. i sort of spent alot of money on this product to numb my thoughts and feeling about my goof friend who was murdered, killed. it was a little wake up call. i saw the machines as a product made to appeal to me, but if i wasn't turned on by them then i couldn't get addicted. i guess the sounds and images do that to us,the whole atmosphere at a venue or a casino does that to us. if we become like a person who walks away from a casino and doesn't gamble, then we have broken the magic spell. i was the one making myself addicted, the machine is like any other attractive thing. i have to decide what i find appealing, attractive, not unconsciously but consciously. i have to set goals, and achieve them. i have to step out of my compfort zone, and no longer be afraid that i will gamble, that i can not trust myself. as in the past, i have ended up gambling when i said i wouldn't. but today is different from the past, the past is when i gambled, that is in the past, i have to look towards my future and see it as gambling free. i have to say to myself that today i have overcome the gambling addiction, and i will look to tomorrow as another day gambling free. free from turmoil, shame, heartache, pain, misery that comes from throwing money at the machines. no more making myself addicted even more. i need discipline if i am going to preserve my well being.