So, I am about 3 weeks GF right now. 20 days exactly. I'm trying SO SO hard. I've only been to a few meetings, but I am going to therapy 1-2 times a week through a state funded gambling program. Part of my final push at getting free from this involved me spending a chunk of my girlfriend's rent money that she'd left me with to pay toward our rent. I immediately began the process of self-excluding. Even that wasn't enough...

So, a couple weeks later, after a few final, HUGE binges (which I've written about here), I had really had enough. I came totally clean about almost everything with my girlfriend, minus a few of the lies over the course of the past few years. About a week later, my therapist asked her to attend a session with me. She's very much in support of my getting clean and agreed to come.

During that session, my girlfriend brought up how this is even harder for her because she understands addiction, codependency, etc, since she is the daughter of an alcoholic. My therapist suggested that she examine her own need for 'recovery,' and that she look into ACOA meetings (adult child of alcoholics/dysfunctional families). Since then, she's been pretty absorbed in ACOA. I've gone to some of her meetings, she's doing lots of reading on the topics, etc. Lately, when I tell her that she's acting out or doing something mean, she says things like "What do you expect? I'm an Adult Child." It's almost like she's wearing it like a badge of honor... or, more importantly, using it as an excuse for her behaviors. I don't know how to handle this. We've been together for two years... and she keeps asking me to marry her. I'm so not ready. Not her, not anyone. She asked me again tonight at dinner, because I got teary eyed just thinking about how much I love her. I told her the truth -- that I would be willing to commit to her when she could stop being randomly mean to me. It may sound nuts but I feel like I'm being down right abused at times. She has referenced "HALT" (hungry, angry, lonely or tired) several times, stating that if any of those are present, she's more likely to lash out at me. She's generally one of those at all times, so I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

Here's an example: We had a REALLY long day together. Went shopping, saw some family members, had lunch & dinner out, etc. I did a lot of the driving. I asked her to drive the last leg of the trip home because my eyes were extremely heavy and I didn't feel safe to drive. I fell asleep almost immediately. When we got home, she woke me up VERY abruptly in the driveway. I asked why she can't just wake me softly. She said it was mostly because she was angry that I made her drive home without company. She's fallen asleep so many times on the way home from places... so, I don't understand. Anyway, after we fed our pets and came upstairs, we got into bed. A few minutes passed, she got up, grabbed all her blankets and stormed out. I asked where she was going and she said "To sleep elsewhere. You keep making that disgusting noise!" I have been sniffling and sneezing most of the day with either allergies or a cold, so I must have been sniffling/snorting. It's almost autonomic and I don't even know I'm doing it. I was so perplexed - I didn't even know what she meant really. I felt abandoned and angry, too ... and like I had done something wrong and was being punished.

I got up, got dressed and decided to leave the house to feed the pets where I am pet-sitting, to get it done early and get away from the situation. As I was leaving, she asked "So which casino are you going to?" And I said, "I'm not." And her reply was "Sure. Right, knock yourself out." I snapped back and told her I was going to take care of the pets, primarily so she could have the bed/house to herself.

Anyway, I know this is a lot of background, but I want you to understand what's going on here. I came back about 30 minutes later, and she'd gone back upstairs to our bed. Now, I'm back, and feel like I have no place to sleep. I'm tired of feeling sort of, well, abused. Sometimes our relationship is AWESOME, but I can't handle many of these 'adult child' behaviors. They are hurtful and I don't deserve it. There are usually several of these small issues a day when we spend the whole day together. She could have asked me to get up and take something for my nose, or asked me politely to try to stop snorting, etc. Or hell, even asked me if I was okay. Storming out of bed is so 4-years-old, and I feel like it's really insensitive/harsh toward me. I wanted to scream, "I'm having a medical/physical problem, here, not doing this on purpose to keep you from sleeping!!!" Many of these behaviors ARE classically 'adult child,' but that doesn't excuse how hurtful they are/she is. I often am left feeling hurt and lonely, and often, I'm even questioning myself, wondering if I really DID do something 'wrong.'

Finally, the comment about me going to a casino is what REALLY upset me. She knows how hard I'm fighting these urges, and how HARD it is for me to do so. Why would she tempt me to go to a casino? Or to fall back into my old pattern of running to a casino to get away from our arguments? Why would she insinuate that's what I was doing? I hadn't even thought about it. I had no intention to go to a casino, but that comment made me want to say "screw you, that's just what I'll do then."

Ugh, I don't know what I'm looking for from you all - maybe just some insight, advice... and of course, the strength to keep fighting, no matter what's going on around me.