The feeling does go away, doll. The guilt, frustration, sadness, self-disgust...it all is replaced over time with greater self-understanding and acceptance. You have to be patient. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

I am Day 57 and have run the gamut with everything from insomnia and fatigue to self-hatred for going one minute and a huge urge to go the next. It does get easier, though; time heals all sounds.

Do you believe in God? Religion helps. If not, trust in the process. You are not the first gambling addict and will not be the last; many have gone before you and done this successfully, and the process does work. But you must have faith, one way or another.

This group has saved me, along with self-ban, my significant other, reading everything I can on addiction, Louise Hay affirmations, long nature walks, meditation, breathing exercises, and prayer.

Nine months plus of abstinence and I feel better than normal. Not only has the urge to gamble subsided, but the love of life returned to me. I utilized the tools that Nancyzoman mentioned but I also got excellent therapy from a trained counselor that specialized in compulsive gambling. I also keep a gratitude diary and attend a face to face same sex support group weekly. In my early abstinence I also listened to relaxation tapes, hypnosis guided imagery, and did lots of artistic projects, from photography to collages and finger painting. (Art of any kind was helpful to me for anxiety.) Journaling helps, writing an official goodbye to gambling helped to cement my resolve. My drug of choice in gambling was also slot machines/video poker. Now, if I accidentally see a machine, I imagine the faces of my abusers on their screen.
I read a daily affirmation every morning and spend a little time checking in with myself about how I feel, what I need to do to take care of business and what I need to do to take care of myself. Life still has difficult and challenging days, but I am dealing with it one day at a time and learning what I have no control over and what I do.
It has been many years since I have felt like I am a valuable human being with a share in the purpose of life and deserving love. It has taken time and effort to gain my self worth and I will not risk what I have gained, at least not today, by gambling.
You are in the right place, take it easy, take some deep breaths and be here now, be grateful you have come clean and you are not gambling today, you have much to live for with a husband that obviously loves you, it gets much easier at 90-120 days of abstinence as the dopamine begins to get to normal levels.

I'm proud of you, and although its hard to see, right now, you are in recovery.... the best thing you could ever do for yourself, your recover, your husband is to forgive yourself. Someone once told me to "drop the rock" I didn't understand that, as I carried a lot of guilt, which almost crippled me. I do now. In order to move forward, and work on my recovery, I had to learn to drop the rock, forgive myself and stay in the moment. Keep reading the posts here, and keep posting. Its all about recovery for you, and today, you have not placed a bet. Good for you.

Hello :-)). YES, time does go by slow. I thought I would NEVER reach the 30 day mark. I suspect that time will speed back up to normal sometime soon.

I felt better the first couple of weeks than the last couple. I had lots of energy and good intentions, then I crashed. I know that I must trudge thru this 'chapter' so that I can get to the next, so I will. That's all we can do. I do believe something better lies ahead.

Take good care....penny

Thank you for the encouragement. I did not gamble today and so today was a win for me.