Stay strong, I am trying to do the same to stay away and free of this addiction. Today is a new day to focus on the good and let go of the bad. Never give up keep trying to stop.

You say you have no idea why you gambled but I am sure there were reasons.... it's very hard to see these things that are right in front of our faces.

What was going on? Where you bored, stressed, sad, mad, happy? Think about what led up to the gamble.

Was it that you had TOM (time, opportunity and money). That's a dangerous mix for us problem gamblers. Maybe try to work on avoiding having TOM.

Relapse is part of recovery, a good part of it actually if you can learn from it :)

Keep on fighting and let's figure this out together!

JM,

Just one thing, never give up, never give in, till you free yourself from this disease. I am telling you now, if u don't stop, next phase is unimaginable for you and your son. There is still a chance, please help yourself more by working harder. I don't want you to experience what we had experienced due to this disease. The pain is unbearable, peace of mind never exist, living in secrecy, life is hell...

When I gambled, I knew why I was there....and that reason is because I am a compulsive gambler , and thats what cg do.. they gamble. Sure, I might have been bored.. happy.. sad..etc, etc. But the bottom line is that I gamble, cuz Im addicted to it. I know it sounds stupid, but its true. And, replapse is NOT a part of recovery. Sure, it happens, but its not considered a portion of the recovery process.. to the point of where we think.. " well, it happens, and its a part of recovery, so its okay". If I tell myself that, then Im more than likely going to continue to relapse and relapse and never get healthy.
I have to ask for help every single day.. and I begin by asking God to not let me gamble for that day. And then I visit several different recovery gambling sites here on the internet and follow the examples of those who are successful in staying gamble free. I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to NOT gamble. And I must follow thru with the steps of the GA program. If I want to get 'well'.. then I have to do the work, its really that simple. It may not always be easy.... but then nobody ever told me it would be.

But here you are, back posting and wanting recovery and sanity.

Never give up, JM.

I can just tell you from my terrible journey into hell that if you can stop now you will save yourself and that precious little boy a lifetime of pain.

So do what it takes...learn and keep coming back.

Paula

Apromise, I'm sure we all have different ways of getting there and there are plenty of different thoughts on addiction. I respect yours and I sincerely hope they work for you.

J, I almost joined you. Well not last night, but the night before. There was a lot going on in my head. I was all into the 12/12/12 thing, and and in tribute to a loved one [no kidding], blah, blah, blah. I knew I was really seriously contemplating it when I turned my phone off. That was always the first thing I did when I was going to go to the casino. Nobody was going to bother me about it, and nobody was going to talk me out of it. Things going through my head were mentioned here already, in a way. "If I go, it won't be the end of the world, plus the world is supposed to end soon anyway," lol. [I don't really believe that]. The "everybody slips, it will be a learning experience". I really had myself talked into it. My sister was going, and K originally said she was going to go. When I told her I was going, she said she wasn't going to go. My sister said she wouldn't go if I wouldn't. I said it doesn't matter if you go or not. I will still go...I know! What a jerk. So, then I decided to see if anyone was on line and I turned my phone back on. I really started thinking about it.
Do I want to start over and go through it all again? Not really. Do I want to wreck my life in one night at the casino? which I am sure is what would happen]. Not really. Do I want to lose any self-respect I have managed to get back since I stopped? Not really. Do I want to disappear into the pit of despair that was my life when I was still gambling. Not really. Do I want to alienate my girlfriend and my sister? Not really. [had to think about that one, LOL]. So you see I am here and I didn't start on day one. BUT, if I did, I know you would all be behind me 100% As I am you. J, You know you were on the right track. You have tools, Just like CherBear did. I often wonder if I just am in such a habit of self-destruction it is my natural inclination. It is our comfort zone. I just wondered it that might be your thinking. The "I don't deserve any better" mode. I have gotten so much better about that, and I know from everything you have said since you got here. You are more than worth it. As YV would say Forgive yourself, and then get back to the ODAT way. J, you know you can, and We got your back! Hugs ~atticus

Jeremy, I know sports gambling can be as dangerous, if not worse than slots. I myself knew at least 3 fellow GA members who lost a lot of money, families and big part of themselves due to sports gambling. One guy had to admit, when it is a football season, he had to stay home and turn a channel to "Sponge Bob" or some other silly show to take his mind away. Those guys been sharing, they had to brake their friends circle and also could not watch sports just to enjoy the game anymore, especially when in a company. I know, it has to be a lot of changes done in your life routine to stop.
I remember sharing of one older guy, who after all turned out to be almost 25 years younger than I thought. He used to do sports betting. His stories were incredible, I even didn't believe. How he won and then lost $250K in less than a day. This guy didn't gamble for 5 years when I met him. But he carried so much anger inside of himself. I honestly tried to snick out from the meeting, if I saw him coming in. He would only looked alive when he was talking about how he was sports betting in LV, how good he was and how smart. He would stop me couple times and just talked about how much he doesn't like GA members, how much problems in his life, how much fake such and such and so on. One time I had to be rescued by another member from him, so I could finally go home.

You don't want to be stuck in revenge to your previous loses. You have LIVE. You don't want to be walking dead few years later, finding yourself having nothing, but your sports gambling addiction and your Pride. Being broke and low...
Yes, you relapsed. But let it be your last relapse. Win that fight with your urges every evening. Don't let yourself look at your work or life as being boring or not filled with much excitement.
Remember, You are an Addict and being an Addict, you will find every possible explanation to let yourself go gamble. I did the same thing, and after all I found this cycle is boring actually and I decided to shift my energy into Life's direction.

Just know, Gambling is Death of Life (slow or fast, whatever). Not Gambling is a way of Life, with all the simple and beautiful things Life brings. You came back right away, I respect it a lot! It shows you are strong guy and not afraid to face challenges. I believe You can do it! You can stop gambling!
My big encouragement on your goal too! 30 days of No Gambling is very doable and I am with You!

Good evening everyone! Well I think I definately found the right place to be for this journey. If there were certain things I needed to hear, I heard it right here today! I thought about it today in depth. The answer I came up with was that I feel guilty and have a deep pride and anger that I have given so much time, effort, and money into this stupid addiction that I have continously tried to break even to justify my losses and time.

The advice and replies I received today were much needed. It was a perfect mixture of tough love and understanding which is needed always. Everyone has their OWN journey through this addition, we are all here to support one another to the best of our own abilities. We are all here for the same reason and looking for the same outcome, it may be easier or harder for certain people, but that can always change as life will brings its untimely lemons. This is why this is such a great community and so happy to find it.

This relapse was much different than my 100's of others...I was not angry at myself or emotional. If anything I realized I am a compulsive gambler and that I lost money for no reason and felt more happy that I lost than if I would have won...which brings up the self affliciting pain theory. I may be one that likes to put myself in a bad position in order for me to find a way out of it...THAT CHANGES IMMEDIATELY.

Upon my thinking today, I felt like this was the last straw, what people said today is going to give me that push. I am going to keep a track of everything--what I am feeling, triggors, and update my budget to make it so I dont have access to "unallocated monies".

I am also going to be full committed to everyone one of you. I am going to be there for all of you during a time of weakness. I will be adding my thoughts and encouragement often, hopefully the positive energy here will give me momentum for more in my life such as working out more, helping others with financial advice, and just living my life WITHOUT even thinking of gambling.

I am tired of gambling running me and making me have to keep it in my mind. I will be working hard to fix myself and be a happy and positive person going forward.. sorry for the rambling...sometimes I right half thoughts when I need to get things out of my mind quickly.

Thank you again EVERYONE for all the support, it will be returned to each and every one of you going forward.

You've got it right, it is a "hobby" gone bad for way too many people out there. You are on the right track now that you know where you are at with this whole nightmare. Congratulations on your road to recovery! :)