Hi Nancy,
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, try to relax. Looking back, can you find a common thread on your three incidents gambling? For example, what prompted you to think gambling was a good idea for you, were you upset about something, happy about something, bored, lonely, peer pressured?
3 MONTHS, 2 WEEKS in... congratulations on that accomplishment
Today I will not gamble, join me

it should be replaced with something, i actually tried the hypnosis on the utube...whatever i can do i do..

The hypnosis session for compulsive gambling on YouTube helped me and I had a quit cigarette guided imagery CD that was helpful. Artwork helped some also. Those worked for having an urge at home, not practical while at work. I found carrying my "Good-bye to gambling" letter with me and re-reading it to myself (sometimes out loud in the bathroom) helped to cope with the urge. If you keep a gratitude diary, it works the same way; reread your last few entries and know that you are risking everything you are grateful for if you gamble. Lastly, mindfulness training where I monitor my own thoughts and intervene in the thought BEFORE it becomes an urge, and redirect myself to healthier thoughts. This last bit of monitoring thoughts takes practice, I was terrible at it to begin with. I had spent most of four decades avoiding my thoughts and feelings or perhaps ignoring them, letting them run wild, every which way, and using substances and gambling to subdue the feelings. This "mindfulness" is the opposite of addiction, and it was hard for me.
However, it has been worth it. Primarily, with this tool and a good counselor, I was able to turn off the constant negative dialogue I had been feeding myself for my entire life. Hang in there Nancy, I'm pulling for you! You can do this.

Nancy, sorry to hear about what is going on. You did so well for such a long time and that tells me that is what you really want for yourself and your future. I was nervous for you when you said you were going to LV for business trip. I could NEVER go there and not gamble, and the thought of it terrifies me. I saw where there were suggestions to sightsee and whatever but I know for me the only place I would sightsee there would be the poker table and the sportsbook. Just try to sit back,relax,and ask what you really want for the rest of your life. I think you will eventually turn your back on gambling and recognize it for what it is, a dead end street. Best wishes and God Bless

I understand and sympathize with your struggles. Conquering this addiction is a daily fight. Every day we have to make the right choice. I have found that while it gets easier with time the urge or desire to gamble has never fully gone away, at least not for me. I often find myself longing for the time where I was a "normal" gambler. Where I could walk into a casino, set limits for myself, enjoy the fun and excitement and go home without regret. Unfortunately those days are dead. I've proven to myself after months and months of trying I absolutely, without a doubt, CANNOT

(continued from above) gamble like a normal person. Going into a casino will end in disaster for me. I will spend every dollar I have access to regardless of how bad it hurts me. I have absolutely no control over myself when I am gambling. I will lie to myself, lie to other people, compromise my integrity, steal, cheat and do whatever is necessary to continue gambling. The only winning strategy for me is not to play, period. I've learned that the hard way. So no matter how strong the urge to return to my old life is I'm forced to pull myself back to reality. Walking away from the casino for me was like mourning the death of a friend. It became such an integral part of who I was that letting it go was not easy. It was my best friend, my partner and the one constant in an unstable life. Unfortunately that friend was killing me. The end game for me was going to be jail or suicide. I was nearly out of money and my gambling habit required me to spend well beyond my means. It was only a matter of time before I resorted to theft or who knows what else to keep going. The peace of mind I have in abstinence is far more valuable than the dopamine rush the casino provided.

There's no easy answer. Everyday, ordinary life is very complicated and difficult to navigate. I feel like the more intelligent you are the harder it is because you become more aware and empathetic to the world. Gambling provided me with a quick escape from dealing with that reality. It was a place I can stop thinking, stop feeling and for those few hours live like there's no tomorrow, live like there's no regrets and completely forget who I am and all the baggage that comes with it. The problem is every day living in that fantasy made my life one day worse off than I was. So while part of me still wishes I had that escape from reality I now recognize that once I come back to earth I will be in a worse spot than I was when I left. And there's the problem. It only makes things worse in the end. That's why I can't go anymore. I suffer strongly from delusional thinking when it comes to gambling. I believe I will hit that monster slot progressive. I'll make 150 points with rolling a 7, the next 21 is 1 hand away, my roulette number is due and the house doesn't always win. That simply is not true. That thinking is not rooted in real life.

There's no magic bullet. No easy solution. Nothing that can cure all our ills. Life is painful, it's full of sadness, disappointment, bad days, angry days, embarrassing times, regret and loneliness. All we can do is get up every day, put our best foot forward, smile, remain hopeful, take care of ourselves, be grateful, humble, optimistic and be the type of person we'd hope everyone would be. Appreciate what you have, embrace the good things, accept the bad and see what tomorrow brings!

Wow, what a powerful post you’ve written highlimit! I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

highlimit....I agree with Robin-Mc - very powerful & exactly what I needed to read today.