First off, while you are starting over on the counting of consecutive GF days, it does not mean that you are starting from square one. You have learned something, and you have learned something from your relapse. (I am not sure that it is really a relapse as you did not get through the withdrawal process.) What can you do differently next time? What was the trigger for you? Family? Proximity of the casino? Ads on TV? Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? (HALT) - Spend some time to figure it out. Many of us get triggered by family dysfunction, many get triggered just knowing there is a place to gamble. Does your family know about your gambling problem?

Have you written a 'good-bye' to gambling? Are you serious about quitting or do you really want to be a social gambler again? (As I did in the beginning.) What kind of relapse prevention plan have you put together? Information about yourself and your triggers can help you identify dangerous situations for you, help you make a plan about what you will do differently next time confronted with that trigger. Example: because TV ads for our casinos trigger me - I will use the mute button every time I begin to hear one. OR: Because my coworker always talks about his gambling winnings on breaks I am going to take my break at a different time.

Examine your values and your belief system: Do you really want to quit? Do you believe you can be a social gambler again? Do you believe you can get ahead by gambling? Do you believe you are worth the effort to have a better life? What are you doing to take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually? Are you doing any meditation or relaxation? Do you exercise? Are you eating healthily? Do you sleep enough? Are you journaling? Do you keep a gratitude diary? Do you do daily affirmations? Are you using art? Are you doing anything socially?
Ask yourself if you are doing EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you can?

Just white-knuckling through time to be gamble free is usually not enough. We must go deeper to discover the roots of our gambling to in order to heal from the inside out and make these kinds of major life changes. It is almost impossible to accomplish long term abstinence in isolation, we need other people, we are social beings, and we need to learn to have healthy social relationships complete with boundaries where we are neither too fused nor too distant from others.

Shame is different from guilt as it is a moral judgment about ourselves that we are somehow "lesser-than" - guilt being guilty for your action but it does not make you less of a person. Disappointment and shame are understandable and a natural reaction, but you would not shame your best friend for such a mistake or tell her you were severely disappointed in her. Time to treat yourself like your own best friend. Blame is for God and children, the rest of us just have to figure out where we are and what needs to be done next.

Remember the important part is to get up and keep going each time you fall.
I hope this was helpful to you and maybe gave you some direction, I apologize for the length.

it takes for me anyway, alot of 1 1/2 months, to get there, i did it 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months, (6mths longest) now im good from 4/10/16....etc...and it builds every time, and i also learn something in each fall, and how to get up again, you know that relapse is part of recovery, dust it off girl, and forge ahead, you can make the finish line eventually.

I have a suggestion about your user name. You are still identifying yourself as a gambler with blackjacklady. My user name was always all i girl for everything because that is a term used in poker. once i quit gambling I changed my name to new life because that's what I want. Not the gambling life. We are what we think we are and I think I am not a gambler. Just a thought. YOu'll be fine, you can do this, but you should get help. Some kind of addiction group really helps, GA , AA Celabrate Recovery to name a few. We are all here for you. And quit4 good I love to read your posts I re read them all the time. Thanks

I agree with everyone's posts. I think Newgirl55 makes a good point about your username. Try not to beat yourself up too much. People who are experts in recovery suggest that every time you relapse you learn what wasn't working in your program. If you can figure that out then the relapse, although painful, will be worth it. Also, I really liked what Quit4good said about examining your values. For me, I tried to quit for 10 years before I really worked at staying quit. This is HARD work. I have to do everything possible and more to stay out of the casino. It is only day 59 for me but this is the longest I have ever been away in the last 10 years. For me, I learned that I cannot do this alone. Right now I am going to 2 live GA meetings per week along with one phone in meeting on Wednesday night. I have also started seeing a therapist. I check in to this website everyday. Most importantly, I have finally quit fighting step one and have come to not only admit but accept that I will never be a normal gambler. Currently I am working on turning my will over to my higher power. I would not be 59 days clean without this. Remember that your brain is not functioning correctly right now. Science has proven that there is a chemical imbalance going on in your head that won't even start to return to normal for a few months. This addiction is a bitch but I know you can beat it. Hugs and love to you!

Thank you for all of the thoughtful and helpful feedback. I am really going to reflect on what triggered this episode. I am so glad that all of you read my post and encouraged me. It is very easy to beat yourself up.... I am going to keep trying one day at a time. Hugs