I’m so sorry to read about the pain you’ve experienced, that includes the pain of trying to deal with this horrible addiction. Pain hurts, even when we try to mask it, it still hurts. I’m going through a rough patch emotionally right now, got my feelings hurt, and these feelings remind me of feelings I’ve had before that I tried to avoid/mask. I swear, I’m feeling them knowing I don’t have to gamble because I’m feeling pain. That’s a good feeling, yes I’m reminded of how I reacted to pain in my past, anything to avoid it, gambling almost killed me. It’s not like I stopped gambling and all of a sudden I realized I used it to avoid pain, I didn’t use it, I was addicted to it. I still am. No urges to gamble today, reminders of how it use to be, yes. A reminder of how it was then, now triggers in my mind the absolute fact that I no longer have to gamble. Lots has changed in my life during my recovery, this time around. I’m focused on my reactions to my own thoughts, and surprised to find I can change a self loathing thought into a kinder affirmation. I can change. No cure for this addiction. But treatment, oh yeah, it’s called recovery. One day at a time. One thought at a time. We are strong. We are worthy.
Today I will not gamble

So sorry for your losses, How. My gambling got to its peak after losing the love of my life. Unresolved grief/loss and childhood issue were all things I had to do a great deal of work with a counselor. Two weekend long grief workshops with other compulsive gamblers was extremely healing.

Deciding I deserved a better life, was worth the effort and promising myself I was going to be kind to me and take good care of myself was a breakthrough for me. This essential change in attitude helped me change from self sabotage to self nurturing. It helped me turn off an internal negative, demeaning and abusive dialog I had been repeating in my head for over fifty years.
Louise Hay : How to Love Yourself on YouTube gets some credit for my progress as well.
. It is one day at a time, every day taking inventory, being aware of my attitudes and inner dialog and knowing I am a recovering compulsive gambler. Taking steps to see that all my needs are met and then giving back to others.
I am living a life that is more attractive and vibrant and makes me happy as opposed to chaos, full of lies and close to suicide while I was gambling.
Life is much better, not perfect, never easy, but not complicated, kinder, prettier, more detailed and slower when not gambling.
I won't be gambling today. Keep on keeping on every one.

I am going to watch the YouTube video tonight. As I read through prior posts, I'm finding there is a wealth of information available. I also stumbled onto a post in the Food Addiction group - katie - who has written things in her storyline that are really thought provoking. Even though we have a different addiction, we are all trying to achieve the same thing...to be healthier & more content.

Right now, I am trying to focus of calming my thoughts and realizing when the moments of anxiousness/panic/irritablity happen that if I just "relax" and breathe, it will pass.

Check out some of the meditation videos on YouTube. Honestly, before starting recovery I would have laughed at the thought of meditating. Now I do it while in bed every night and it really helps you clear your mind, relax your body, and get a good nights sleep. Highly recommend it.

Stay strong. You can do it. It’s right in front of you. Hold on and don’t let go.

I am new here, however all the stories I’ve read sound like mine. I gambled for fun and nothing serious at first. Then I won 11K and for months I was winning thousands, not realizing I was playing the winnings!! Then I won 30k days later thousands more. Sounds like a windfall right? You’d like to have this problem right? Not so fast.

It would have been if I stopped. But the more I won the more I wanted to win. My thought is screwed up! Winning large sums makes smaller sums seem useless. If I win a few hundred or 1k I think I can win more because I have! I pray to Jesus for Help! Look I am smart, educated, well paid— now laden with debt. I went from Credit score over 760 the 547 within a 1 yr period. Gambling has taken a toll on me and I am in a position where I own property occupied with tenants. I don’t want to sell and leave them looking for shelter but what are my options? I have to stop gambling- it’s no longer fun it’s burdensome. Praying God Blesses us all.

I overthink things alot. I can get myself into a twisted frenzy in no time and start to feel overwhelmed. Last night I had a dream...I was methodically planning the steps I needed to take to get my debt under control. I don't recall all the details except that there was a list, a plan. It wasn't stressful - quite comforting in fact. I felt loved and peaceful Since I believe the feelings I experience when I dream are more helpful than the images, I felt it was as if my higher power was telling me that things were going to work out and to just stay in the moment and stop overthinking things.

Well....today is payday....I actually feel pretty good about things because I have money to pay my monthly expenses without having to use savings or the credit cards. Safety guards and road blocks are in place so it will be easier to stay on the straight & narrow. One. day. at. a. time......

Its been just over 2 weeks since I wrote the first post. Its still been such a struggle - one day I'm strong then the next I'm not - I went to the casino last night thinking I could go & win just a little bit and of course lost again. Sooooo - today I continue to find those roadblocks to keep me from myself. This morning I took a HUGE step (at least for me, anyway). Where I live, the casino allows you to open an account to cash electronic checks which you can post date up to 28 days. That has been a big "enabler" for me to use and it's gotten me into financial straits very quickly. I called the service used by the casino and cancelled my "check cashing" ability. I don't have an ATM card that works at a casino so I don't have that avenue either. I'm working at putting distance between my money and my compulsive behavior. I also called my boyfriend to "confess" my stumble..I've NEVER done that before. He gambles but isn't compulsive so I've had a hard time thinking he would ever understand so I've always been vague about my activities. The 2 things I did today - which I've read others say are important steps - have left me weary - not the "weight has been lifted" like some of you write about. maybe I will feel that way when I have a few days of abstinence behind me. I know I MUST stop and I WANT to stop - just feeling pretty crappy today.

Today....I will not gamble.

HOW716, you gave in to your desire/urge to gamble. I can only speak for myself, but to me, that desire/urge to gamble, is my addiction screaming in my brain feed me, feed me. I don’t even think about gambling in terms of winning and losing anymore, gambling is my addiction. The best advice for any addiction is don’t feed it. Abstinence from gambling seems more logical to me now, it makes sense to me now. I don’t have to gamble. I’m grateful that I have no desire to gamble, today I have no desire to gamble.

Robin-Mc - you are absolutely on mark. It was not about winning or losing. My brain is screaming for dopamine. I let my guard down and gave in instead of doing something to divert my urge. I love what your wrote....I DO NOT have to feed the addiction. I want to remind myself of that when the urges come.

Bravo, that’s freedom we do not have to gamble

It is like alcohol to the alcoholic or sugar for the diabetic, gambling is our addiction for sure. Those of us with some time built up need to remember it does not go away - we are still addicted. With a couple of cigarettes most ex-smokers will be back to 1/2 pack per day in a hurry. Gambling is much the same. I can't afford to open that door to gambling, now that I finally got it closed. I have too much to lose now, I love my life today. I won't be gambling today.

Yesterday after I got off work I had every intention to go to the casino but I came to this site right before I left work & read some posts. As I left work I was thinking that I didn't want to go home so what would a quick stop do? But then, I kept hearing the words I read ring in my ears and I knew I would just feel crappy for going so I stopped at the convenient store, got a soda (which is something I consider as a "treat"), sat in my car & soaked up some sunshine while I enjoyed that soda. Then I drove myself home. Last night I slept a full night....as I slowly woke this morning, I usually have a millisecond of panic where I think "oh my gawd what did I do last night?, why was I so foolish?". Not today though...I woke with a feeling of relief that I resisted the urge and conquered it. My head is a little clearer and I know there is hope....

You thought about the urge and focused on something else until it passed, way to go! Keep reminding yourself that you no longer gamble. Know this is the best decision you can make for yourself. It’s difficult to think of other things you can fling yourself into, especially in the beginning. Try to think of things you use to do before becoming addicted to gambling, even things you wished you had tried. Exercise is helpful, but I must admit i’m A bit of a slug! lol seriously, I do enjoy walking. lol again. Walking! I love arts and crafts, and music, lots of music. I’m really enjoying doing everyday things that I use to robotically do, I’m living. I no longer gamble. I’ll always be an addict, there’s no shame in that.
Today I will not gamble