Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
This is my very first post on any site, I've been reading around here quite a bit as am trying to come to grips that I am in my rock bottom of my 10 year gambling addiction. So many posts are all too familiar, and now I will add another one. I have not gambled in 8 days, and I have to say it's likely only because my last trip to the casino I lost my entire paycheck chasing my losses. What I desperately needed to win for was basically my entire life. Here I sit facing the extremely harsh reality of where gambling addiction can lead and I don't know my next step. My current situation, like many, is all credit cards maxed out, many personal loans, 401k loans and no other possible means of getting money. After many times losing bill and food money, I resorted to using my company credit card to get by. I have run up over $7400 in charges, and if I don't pay in full in a week, my boss will get my statement and most likely I will be fired. If it were just me I'd know that's what I deserve and would have to face the consequences of my addiction head on, but I have a fiance and a 9 month old baby depending on me financially. It would ruin all our lives if I lose my job. Now I have a very difficult decision. Who do I come clean to first? I know for a full recovery I need to be completely honest with everyone, but I don't think I can handle facing everyone at once. If I come clean with my fiance, who knows I have a problem but thinks I've been clean for a few years, there's a possibility if he doesn't leave me that he could help me pay the debt, then I wouldn't need to tell my employer. Problem is I'm extremely scared to tell him. He could really go off the rails and take my daughter from me. On the other hand if I tell my boss first there's a small possibility he will work with me on getting help and resolving the debt, and then I wouldn't need to tell my fiance right away. If it went the other way though and I was fired immediately, I would have no choice but to tell my fiance, and lose him, my daughter and my life. Any advice on where to go next is appreciated. I did start a treatment counselling program this week.
Today I will not gamble
Thank you for your reply. How did your husband respond to the relapses? My fiance doesn't understand the addiction at all, he thinks only the most stupid people would give money to a casino. I don't know how to get him to learn more about what I go through with this addiction. I'm an educated woman, but when I'm gambling I can't stop until every last dollar is gone, then I'm scrambling for how to get through to the next payday.
It is very sad that we do not realize what is REALLY important in life, until it is at risk of being gone or actually gone.
Be aware, that your employer may still find out, even if you've repaid the money and still fire you and they may prosecute as well.
You can get through this one step at a time, doing the next right thing while refraining from gambling.
Welcome to the group. I feel for you as I can relate to your story in many aspects.
I think you should tell your fiance first and if he loves you he will help you. He maybe mad and has every right to be mad, but with time, of course if you show him you are ready to change , things will get better. You'll see.
I wish I had enough courage to tell my husband first, before he found out about my debts from IRS. If I told him, I would save myself so much shame, tears and self disgust, but too late for that. He found out and it will take years for him to trust me again if ever. My husband doesn't understand gambling addiction either and won't go to Gam-Anon meeting , saying that he doesn't need to go to any meetings, it's me that's sick not him.Too bad, but I hope that maybe with time he will.
If you have hard time to tell your fiance, try writing a letter. Try to see some of the YouTube clips about gambling addiction and maybe show your fiance , it maybe helpful.
Breathe.. ( this too shall pass..).and give it your all to fight this addiction, so you and your family can have a normal life, but do this one day at the time.
Hope that helps, best to you. You are not alone.
u are where u are at because u have a problem with gambling
u have a problem with using money that want yours to use...ive been there
thing is, u cant be a good fiance/wife, a good mom or do ur job right if u are broken. u have to fix u first and foremost. if people who love you want to walk out on you that still wont change the fact that u are broken...so selfishly u have to come first here
if ur fiance knows ur latest destruction, he will most likely help u and u can possibly avoid losing ur job, id take that step. he will hate u for awhile and u desrve it...talking from experience, but u must show a desire to change....give up all ur roads to finances, put them in his control and then fight like hell to stay clean. i am sincerely wishing u all the best and i will not gamble today
Family is #1, well, it hasn't been, but it needs to be. I know this all too well. Come clean to your fiance. You need his support, and I'm surely hoping he will give it to you during this extreme time of need in your life.
Unfortunately not knowing your employer it's impossible to visualize how much empathy they may or may not have. I'm not religious or spiritual, but I'm sincerely hoping and praying that you find a way to get the help you need and keep your job.
I think you and I have a lot in common, our ages, fact that we have very young children, and that we're fighting this horrible illness. Someone above mentioned going back to the counseling you started to talk through this issue - I think that's a great idea.
Above all, take everything in stride. Try and turn off the replay button on all the bad decisions you've made. Those are now in the past. Focus on your recovery, your family, and your future. There is still plenty of time for both of us!
As Jason said, yes you still have time and that time is now!
Don’t be like some of us who dragged this 30 plus years to put it at bay. Today is the day you can start to straighten out all this mess by taking one step at a time.
As everyone said, I too agree that telling your fiancé is the first thing. I do know your fear of loosing him and your baby but the truth is, as stayingfocus said, you are broken and you need fix yourself first. Nothing, including family,matters when you are broken.
It takes tremendous courage to come clean but you have no other options here but to come clean with your fiancé and face the consequences whatever it might be....
Come clean with your employer and face the consequences whatever it might be....
I know you are scared and feeling desperate, but that’s the only way you will truly librate yourself from this darkness...
All other things may come in your way is not in your control. What you can control is what you can do by doing the right thing today.
Some of us were in you shoes, some of us gone through this many times, some of us was in worse situation than yours, all because of this insidious disease.
But I assure you that this too, will pass, it isn’t easy and you have many mountains to climb, but it’s up to you to take that step.
Just know that you are not alone and sending you a hugs and prayer.