You sound very bitter and I can understand why. But you have to remember we made these choices ourselves and we have no one to blame. I can honestly say I never learned anything from winning, but losing taught me a lot. You need to hit your knees, be grateful you are still alive, and look at what you have and not what you don't. I have thousands of bets left but no recoveries. It seems like such a easy choice.

Starting a gratitude journal and writing down one thing you are thankful for each day would be a good place to start. 6 years is really not that long. Some people struggle for decades before they stop gambling. So with only six years in if you stop now and start using the tons of tools you can find on here there is a good chance you can still have a bight future. Louise Hay on u tube how to love yourself is a good find. She talks about not criticizing ourselves and other harmful things we do to ourselves that we shouldn't. Sure I have regrets about all of the money I have lost but I am on the right track now and feel that I still can do something with my life and feel that life is worth living. Much different than when I was gambling. I also have gained a lot of weight from the stress eating brought on by the stress of gambling but I am working on that too. One thing at a time one day at a time. You are going to be fine, you just have to work on your recovery. Hugs and best wishes.

All the feelings in your post have been my feelings in the past, but negative self talk does not help the situation, it just makes you feel worse. Have you not suffered enough?

40 years of compulsive gambling eventually crushed me.....However, I would not have learned how to become my own friend, how to be grateful for each day, how to calm my anxiety, how to be still and let the mud settle, how to engage in art again, or realized what I really value in life had I not hit such a rock bottom in this addiction. It got me really ready to make an all out, scared I'm gonna die, effort and invest fully in therapy and getting and staying abstinent. I have achieved more happiness in the last two years than I've had in my 60+ years put together before quitting gambling. I have more authentic friends, interests, hobbies, and quiet time than I have ever had. I have the most positive outlook of my life and with the help of a good therapist and many other tools, I finally turned off the critical voice in my head that used tell me how dumb, stupid, and worthless I was, almost constantly. The people that I care about and care about me are important to me, artwork is important, peace and calm is important, times of no anxiety is important, enjoying nature is important, taking care of myself so I can continue to enjoy it is important. Life is too good for me now to risk it all to go back to a living HELL! No, I won't gamble today.
Hang in there - it can get better than ever - got to get past the first three or four months of abstinence for the dopamine levels to get normalized.

Also thought I would pass on what my therapist said about resentment and anger: Resentment and anger are like taking poison and hoping the other person will die.

I know those feelings of depression and resentment, when it seems like the future holds nothing more than endlessly fighting self-destruction and surviving the day. It does get better, but at first it can all seem hopeless and overwhelming, especially when we're still in withdrawal from all that dopamine. Maybe for some people getting started in recovery is/was easy, but not for me. I had to take it in baby steps, starting with just focusing on taking a breath, followed by doing the next right thing, then repeat, repeat, repeat. At first, a day at a time seemed impossible--even now, sometimes it's one minute at a time. It's easy to fall back into obsessing about regrets in the past and fears for the future, which takes me right into depression. Fighting the urges without knowing what the future holds is OK. Recovery is a journey, and everyone takes a different path. Keep coming back here, read through some previous posts for suggestions and tools to try, and above all, please be kind to yourself.

I think it comes slowly - the new outlook, the new dreams, the new way of life. I find that as I have more time to think, more time back in the world, certain things come back to me - things I used to enjoy doing that I forgot about or new things that occur to me as I move along. It makes me feel like I had a big 'black out' period where nothing really mattered, where there was no growth, like I was sleep-walking and now I'm waking up but still a little groggy. It's sad (the past) but also satisfying to know that I'm coming out of it. Yes, I mourn for what I did, what could have been, but I try not to dwell on it because I can't change it. In a sense, I feel like I've a learned a great deal. Now I can relate to people who, before, I thought I understood but didn't really (not by a long shot). Now I know what has happened to me and I know I can heal. That gives me some comfort. Before, I never really appreciated the safety and security that money gave me - now I know different. I am learning to respect it. Be slow and take special care of yourself. I think the resentment will fade away in time as it's replaced by better feelings. I hope that makes sense.

make the best of the time you have left, its never too late, past is gone, make a change, be the person you want to admire, this disease i feel is about self hate, and self loathing, why else would we torture ourselves over and over, start w/positive affirmations out loud...I AM WORTHY and get a plan of attack together...best to you..

Resentment is the worst, at least it was for me. After some time in my recovery, and working my steps, being honest with myself, I realized, I wasn't jealous of them, or resentful for their happiness. I was upset with myself. Then of course, I had to learn to forgive myself, and understand, ultimately, I was an addict, and this addiction was destroying my life. My life, meaning, happiness, emotional health, physical health and financially it just about killed me. Until I was able to forgive myself, my resentment towards others lingered. I was told by someone in the program to "drop the rock" I had no clue what that meant, until I had some recovery under my belt. Now, I do. Drop the rock, and work on your recovery. I promise, each day gets better. Hang in there.

Thanks everyone for your helpful and supportive suggestions. I've made an appointment with a therapist and hopefully over time, recover from the current mess that I'm in. It's true that while I'm in this mental state, it can be hard to appreciate what I do have left and rebuild from there. I don't blame anyone for the choices I've made. The strange thing is that it's a struggle trying to determine which part of me is still me, and which part of me is the addict, Especially when I am in the mental process of making decisions. Before the addiction, I didn't realize that it was possible that our minds are so vulnerable that it can be split into two. I don't always know which side of me is rationalizing actions that leads up to gambling.
I've tried quitting several times. Coming back to this group and reading your posts helps a great deal. Thank you again and please continue to share your thoughts or experiences here.

Sounds like you are on the right tract and try to remember you always have hope. That is what is most important. God Bless

Pennyluv....excellent words above. I relate to them spot on.