I am married to a CG. I love him dearly. Do I think that gambling could be the cause of a divorce, absolutely. Just as I know other factors could be the cause of divorce. I really feel that each situation is very different. I can only speak on my situation. I truly feel that because (and this may be wrong)I know my Hubby is a gambler and with this come lying, stealing, being a slickster and anything else, he has given me no reason to beleive a word. I am now going by his actions. He has told me that "I know I have a problem". Ok, that is a step, but you have to take more steps, if you want to win this demon. I am too a Christian woman. But, I knwo that I have to take care of me. With me luckily, our finances were never together, his anme was never on our home for a better mortgage rate. But, again I never made him feel that this isn't his home. I now am on a different page, I am not going to help him be an addict. He knows he can't ask me for a dime, not even for cigarettes, gas to get to work, nothing.

I have food in the house so he will be able to eat. Nothing is to ever walk from this house, because if it does, and I mean every word, he will be arrested. That I have not experienced, and I pray I don't have to experience it. When I said all of this, he looked at me so strange, like he couldn't believe I was saying this. I told him in front of his parents and they backed me in saying the same goes for them. In fact, his mom asked for the keys back from her home. Even though he hasn't taken anything, she told him in case the idea ever pooped into his mind. This hurt him so, I have never seen him cry like that, but he gave her the keys.

In my case, I can't say that at this point I am moved to divorce my H. He is my best friend, the man that before the CG, was a provider, the person the paid for me to complete two master degrees. He will give anyone his last and is always there to help anyone. It is sad that right now he isn't helping himself. It does hurt that I won't financially help him nor his parents or siblings. But this is a situation that he has mad.

So, can a person divorce because of gambling, yes. But remember, gambling comes with alot of subcategories: lying, cheating, stealing.... and the list can go on.

Chskee, your reply gave me some insight and a bit of relief.

My 16+ year marriage was never one as you described... meaning, my ex was never my best friend, provider, etc.

Pretty much from the get-go, he was a harsh step-father to my son, a moody person who seemed to find misery in most everything, quickly began to work on me to get a credit card, take out a loan, to help pay off back taxes, ensure the house payment and his child support payment got made each month.

I was very naive... I was looking for someone to love me and who I could love back...

I at that time did not know what right and healthly 'love' in a relationship was.

I do not know if I will ever know. But I do know now what an unhealthly relationship looks like and feels like.

Thanks for your input... debs

I have been struggling with this one for a while...we have been together for 15 years, high-school sweethears and I can\'t imagine my life without him...but with his gambling addiction, which at times feels like abuse to me, i just feel like i can\'t go on like this..but more than anything I want to be with him and keep our family... I just don\'t think I can be with him if he still gambles and don\'t know how to help...

Hi Froggy,

Without question, YES, gambling can be the sole reason for divorce, but as others have said, it's really an individual matter.

My partner for fourteen years gambled before we met. At first it was fun and recreational. Over the past ten years, however, her disease progressed to a point where she was forced to file for bankruptcy. She depleted a six figure bank account and ran up hundreds of thousand of dollars in debt. She betrayed my trust with each wager. She ruined our family financially. She can never hope to recoup the money lost at the tables.

Unlike others on this board, my girl didn't lie about her gambling. She always admitted to being at a casino and if I asked she would tell me how much she won or lost. She admitted she had a problem, but refused to do anything about it.

My problem is I enabled her and in doing so gave away my power and lost myself. I was too weak or afraid or whatever to put my foot down and employ some tough love. I became sick too and stayed well beyond anything reasonable.

I hate her sometimes for who she has become. She was my best friend and now she is a stranger. I struggle with the question of whether or not to stay. I don't like the person I became in the face of her disease. Sometimes it's better and for the partes to go their separate ways. You cannot rebuild trust with someone who has openly and blatantly put their own selfish needs above the relationship and the family.

Marbleman, I am thankful for your reply to this dicussion. This month marks 3.5 months since my divorce from my CG husband. We were married for 16+ years. I was like you, but my husband did not display your wife's honesty, nor admit he had/s a problem.

Now that we are divorced, he does his thing, I do mine. He is still gambling (but he told me yesterday he only does it on Tuesday's and Thursday's). When we talk now, we are civil to one another. Neither of us have expectations of the other... makes it easier on everyone.

I will admit, his gambling is not something I would have chosen for him or our marriage. But he did. At this point in my life the man I married and love/d (still do - but love can be done at a distance) was never able to come to terms with himself and his addiction.

So, I now over 1/2 a century in age, I am raising our disabled son, am working to pay off debt encurred in marriage (yes, by CG - the settlement we worked out did not cover all his debt that was done in my name) and I work.

But I and our son do not live in the chaos, the control, the fear of 'what will happen when I walk in the door,' the moods, the lies, the theivery, the torment, etc., etc., etc.

I know my divorce is still fresh. I'm taking life one day at a time... I am not promised tomorrow and yesterday is gone. I am just living in today - and making the best of it with what I have.

Thanks again for the post. debs

I read somewhere that having big financial indescretions are the same as an affair to the spouse. Think about it, the betrayal is huge (atleast in my house), and financial security (or at least keeping your head above water) is one of the core securities an individual needs. A gambling addiction can, especially in this economy, send a family home to a "car".

I am no authority, this is the first week in many that I have not been to a casino. My beliefs on this topic are one of the big reasons I ham seeking recovery.

I think what finally hit me was realizing, I had spent a portion of both my daughter tuition, and our mortgage payment last month. Add to this my husbad said (yelled) "I am going to a job everyday that I hate with the fear that we cannot pay our bills, and then you blow it at the casino." I am killing him inside, he hates his existance as I have created it. That isn't fair.

Well admr I understand what you said about your husband but while feeling bad by spending so much money and how it is tearing him up inside, I can't speak for your husband but I can speak for mine and I honestly believe in my case it is used against me every chance he gets. Don't get me wrong I feel so bad I can't stand it about the money and he knows that, and that makes it very easy for him when he says the mean hurtful things he does to me. I wish he loved me enough to help me, which I have asked many times but his answer is for me to leave.