I have the same problem. I didn't play poker last night but I sure wanted to. It was not easy.

Hey Lisa,
Sorry to hear you went back out, but it's great that you're right back here. The board's been a bit quiet, I'm guilty of that too- been busy with all sorts of stuff. Nevertheless, you absolutely have proof from your own words that our disease is progressive- it never gets better, only gets worse.
I can attest to that too, whether it be financial or emotional, it always, always gets worse.
Hang tight and keep things moving in the right direction.
Jay

This has happened to me so many times. It is infuriating and defeating. Practice NOT entertaining those gambling thoughts, they will subside, it takes practice because we are so used to letting them run amok. You can do this!

Hi Lisa, It is such a sad thing we do to ourselves. I so do remember those days and those feelings and those feelings are what keeps me out of the casino. I can still remember laying in bed at night with cold and hot flashes worrying about where I was going to get the money to cover all the withdrawls I had made @ the casino. That feeling is still so strong for me and it has been 6 1/2 months G/F. The pattern is so destructive. It's interesting because what I would say to myself is I will just go in with and spend $100.00 and we all know as an addict it is never $100.00 and now when I say that to myself I will say "$100.00 is not enough for what I like to gamble so if I can't gamble what I would like to gamble I will not go" and fortunately there will never be enough money for me to gamble the way I would like to gamble thank God. It would usually take a minimum of $1000.00 to even win and when I did win I would want more and usually walk out broke feeling the way you just described. I refuse to let myself stoop to that level again. Good luck on being gambling free.

Hi lisa. hang in there friend. Been there 100s if not 1000s of times. i would go to the atm so much that even the casino atm would finally cut me off. my bank atm limit withdrawal is 800$. casino would somehow override that and usually let me take out a few 1000.. to of course lose. Cant believe the casino is even allowed to let you withdraw over limit like that . I finally had to get rid of atm card.. it was really the only solution. Im sure you will get back on track. i know it feels like it will take forever right now but the days will pass. Much love friend ! johnny

It will come. Just keep believing and moving towards positive.

I'm brand new and exactly at this place. It really helps to read what you're all writing. Will definitely visit here again

Hi Liza,

Been there trillion times until I've reached the lowest and the deepest rock bottom.. Ughhh.. Just thinking of what this addiction caused in my life, my being makes me shudder, ugh (multiple withdrawals, overdrawn, hot checks, walk of shame, perspiration coming out everywhere while driving, running out of gas, no money, reality of life cursing at me, scared of what will happen next..no food, no house probably, no car, no work, no life...no family... just too muchhhhh..

The most effective tool that worked for me is SELF exclusion from the big C. Try everything to help urself, never stop trying, only u can help urself, nobody else.... please....

One day at a time...

FD

Hi Lisa. I remember you were doing quite well. You had been GF for quite some time. You had banned yourself from the casinos. Was it just for a year and the year was up? If so maybe self banning is an option..I havent self banned yet but maybe I should.

Dearest Lisa,

No one knows better than we ourselves (compulsive Gambler's) just how freaking destructive this insidious disease is, and even more, what it does to our psyche, when we fall off the wagon.

Please be kind and gentle to your heart and soul. Know that the time will come, maybe today, perhaps tomorrow-when you will reach deep down inside of yourself, and finally decide that Enough is Enough!

Every damn day I think about the prospect of whether I could ever again be one of those socially responsible gamblers...play a little bit, enjoy some entertainment, a few cocktails, and leave at a pre-determined time, whether up or down. I know that this is something I will never be able to do....yet the temptation , nonetheless, is ever luring in my mind.

I remind myself every day - my old life of Would've, Could've and Should'ves has indeed transformed into a spirit of Will, Can and Shall, since placing my last bet some 19 months ago. I WILL live with integrity, I CAN choose my destiny, I SHALL continue my GF lifestyle...one day at a time.

I have the utmost faith and belief in you....I know you WILL beat this....I know you CAN...I know you SHALL!

Your friend,

Tagg

Tagg, 19 months GF is awesome. I can't wait to be there. Is it "as hard" at 19 months...or does it get "easier" to resist. I am just so scared right now...I read all these posts and wonder how long everyone has been gamble free and if the urges fade any after an extended about of time.