Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I had quit gambling for 19 months and then I relapsed in March. The nearest casino that I am not banned from is 2 and a half hours away from me and I have gone there 7 times since March 3rd. I have lost EVERY time. How is that possible? At the time that I relapsed I did not need extra money and now I am at least a month and a half behind on bills. I keep thinking if I could just win once and get caught up I will stop. Plus the trip is miserable and long. I drive 5 hours and usually lose all of my money in less than an hour. I don't take checks or credit cards with me so when I run out of money I franticly tear my car and purse apart looking for ways to get get money, but there is no way because I purposely leave every thing at home I feel so desperate at that moment I feel there is nothing I wouldn't do to get money to gamble On my way home when I finally snap out of it I am alway grateful that I didn't have more money..When I went the first time I don't know what came over me I just took all of my money and went. I haven't gambled in a week and I have given someone all of my resourses so that I can't gamble. I have told people in my support group but my family and friends would disown me if they knew. I talk myself out of going every day. I am miserable. I do feel better that I gave all of my checkbooks credit cards etc to someone so it is not an option, but I feel physically and mentally ill. I never thought I would relapse and so I slacked off on my recovery thinking I got this I am good. But now I finally understand we are only good one day at a time. now here I am 7 days clean and feeling terrible. The withdrawal sucks. I cannotbelieve I did this.
For the answer to: "I have lost EVERY time. How is that possible?" For me, it was that even if I won, it was only more fuel to gamble. I did not want to walk away, ever. As a winner or a loser - I just wanted to be in action - forgetting about the rest of the world- living a fantasy of winning big. All magical and glittery, and childish.
Magical thinking is a part of this addiction.
I had to come to know and accept in my heart
1. I can not get ahead by gambling
2. Gambling is neither fun nor harmless for me
Making a better life is what will eventually make you not want to risk it by gambling.
Relapse is only a signal that you have not got a strong enough recovery plan or that you quit working your program. It is not the end of the world and now you know you can quit. (you proved it for 19 months)
Just do the next right thing and try to be kind to yourself over the next few weeks. Count your blessings, practice gratitude, you are not yet insane, you have another chance, you are on the right track. (I'm sure it could be worse.)
Hang in there.
Today I will not gamble