Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Dang! I gambled last Thursday. I remember thinking I am going to go gamble X amount of dollars, for X amount of time. I spent nearly 4x what I intended and way more time than I wanted to. After over 4 and half years I stumbled. Perhaps if life events that are stressful had not happened in succession, I might not have relapsed. Perhaps if I had been more diligent with my program for staying GF I might not have relapsed. Perhaps if I had gone onto DS and posted about feeling like I wanted to gamble I might have avoided it. Perhaps if I had gotten my art supplies out and played with them I could have staved off the urge. Perhaps if I had gotten my “Goodbye to Gambling” letter out and reread it, perhaps if I had written a journal entry about all the things I felt like escaping from, or taken out some older journals, or posts from my earlier abstinence….
The following day I called my former treatment program and secured an appointment for yesterday with my former counselor. It was wonderful to talk to her and I am reentering the program before I do any more damage to myself. It was a gentler, kinder relapse than my previous ones in several ways. I did not spend every penny I could access. I had already paid all my bills. I did not become suicidal over this relapse. I did not stay out there. (I gambled for six hours, not six months.) In the past, I have tortured myself for months or years before making an effort to quit or seek help. It was much easier to make that call this time. I feel I got tripped up by my inner gambler but by the grace of whatever my higher power may be, I did not get sucked in to black hole of my addiction that is never satisfied. Today is day 6 Gamble free and I can tell that it helps to have had that four plus years GF. I can do this. I prefer not gambling. Thank you universe! Thank you DS friends for still being here.
I love you, friend
Getting back to regular meetings this week and have had an appointment with my gambling addiction counselor. I feel far better than I did when I quit 4 plus years ago. I am not hopeless and I know the kinds of routines I need to get established. I think any ONE thing that I have dealt with recently would have not been a problem. Finishing school, moving, heart attack and one of my sisters dredging up 40 year old hurts and lying, all combined to make me feel like gambling was a good idea. Usually I can divert myself when I have that kind of thought. But my inner gambler was hell-bent on using up all my discretionary cash. I am so glad that even though I had a flat tire and drove off into the ditch, I did not then get out and puncture the other three tires. Thank you all for your kind words and support.
Qwit, you are brave and strong. Thanks for being a true example of honesty and hope
As I work to mend some of the relationships I have broken I am learning more about how sensitive I am. I am working toward making my remaining years on this planet more comfortable, peaceful, enjoyable and sane. Some days are more challenging than others. I won't be gambling today, thanks all for being here. May you carry the words of others' written for you, as your armor against the chaos of life.