Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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Really Bad

2mcdphnurse
2mcdphnurse
I'm not sue where to begin. My gambling journey began 13yrs ago. I seem to come here when I am in trouble. Here I am again. 1yr ago in May I self excluded myself from my favorite casino. My year ended in May and wow I am back to gambling even bigger and better than before. I really did think I could handle it but I guess not. On 07/03/14 I decided to skip work and go to the casino. I had $600.00 in my purse and I was only going to lose that amount and NO MORE, yeah right. $5000.00 later I walked out. That feeling of hopelessness, guilt and I was also very intoxicated. I attempted to hide all of this from my family but it didn't work, they knew what I had done. They don't know how much money I really lost except for the $600.00. This once again was one of the worst days of my life. I am in a real dilemma. My husband loves to gamble but he has control and it seems to be what we like to do together. He does know I have a gambling problem but thinks I am in control when he is with me(not always the case). I am going to seek professional help tomorrow. I will stay out of the casino and if I do go with my husband I will take every step to not have access for cash. I'm not sure if this will work or not. I would like to believe that I can handle this weakness I have. I have stopped drinking for good. I really want to get my life on track. I know that everyone will be telling me I need to self exclude again but I plan to see how things go and that might still be an option. Thanks for listening.I will be reading everyones post again daily. Until then, talk soon.
itsjustmeagain
itsjustmeagain
thanks for sharin, you're not alone xxoo
Leapyear22
Leapyear22
I can feel the pain in what you wrote, and I know the pain, trust me. I also know, I can't go into a casino, with ANYONE, it is never okay for me to be in, near, or around a casino, and I really want recovery, so, I'm not going. I wish you the best, it seems to me, you're there, you just need to take the leap of faith, we are all here for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can totally relate. You are fighting a powerful current. For 3 of my 5 1/2 years as a compulsive gambler I was in a relationship with a man who also gambled. Going to the casino was our entertainment. The problem was that he could gamble controllably, but I could not. He did not understand the grip of this disease or the misery I felt after living over and over the exact experience you describe. He could stick to his limits. I could not then and I still can not. I AM a compulsive gambler and stepping into a casino is devastating to me. So, I can not allow it to happen any more. You say that you like to believe that you can handle this "weakness". Respectfully, I think that you are minimizing the demon with which all of us on this site struggle. It is far more than a weakness. It is a compulsion that gets a stranglehold on our thoughts and our lives and will not relent. Ever. You need to be honest with yourself and your husband about the extent to which this disease dominates your life. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can accompany your husband to the casino. To sustain recovery, you can not go. It is as simple as that. And, your husband needs to understand that gambling is toxic for you. Perhaps you and he can find an alternate form of entertainment that you can enjoy together. But in any event, please keep a safe distance. Don't subject yourself to the temptation because the demon always wins. We are influenced by those with which we associate, so surround yourself by nongamblers with healthy balanced lifestyles. And keep coming to this site. We are a community of people exactly like you and we understand your struggle. Stay strong and stay out of the casino.
jayd03
jayd03
Ditto to all. Sorry to hear that you've gone back to gambling, happy to hear that you are trying to arrest it. Once we cross the line into compulsive gambling we are never the same and the illness always gets worse, never better, until we take a stand and make a plan to stop.
Trying to control your gambling will, in the long run, be a very painful losing battle. I don't have a spouse that gambles, so I truly can't relate to that dynamic, but do have a few friends that do and they've been successful in cutting that part of their relationship out. Still great relationships, but just no gambling together. What I can relate to is the progressive nature of the illness. When I was out there the first time, it took control of my life and devastated me financially, but I got myself out. When I got sucked back in, the obsession to gamble had become 100 times stronger, controlling almost every minute of every day and again caused financial ruin. If I didn't see the light God knows where I'd be right now.
I will also be the first to say, yes- self exclude once again, even if you do it for the 1 year deal again.
Hang in there, you're not alone,
Jay
stopat56
stopat56
self-exclude as fast as you can. once we are compulsive, we're always compulsive. we will never, ever gain control of our gambling. it is a losing battle. the only chance we have of winning is to stay out of the casino. There are other fun activities you and your husband can do together. I'm in the process of changing friends because I have two that love to gamble, and their love of gambling, mixed with my compulsive gambling, is not a good fit!

Take care of yourself. and if you stayed away a year, you can stay away another year and more. you know it's not good for you. again, take care of yourself.