Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I have been dating someone for a little over 5 months now. I am pretty naive to the gambling thing, but my BF is a poker player. He goes to a poker room 1-2 times per week (hour from his house) and every other month goes out of state to play. He will go weeks at a time without playing in a room, but often plays on FB at those times and watches on TV and reads books. Here is what I know - when he goes to a room he buys in once. Once he is out he does not buy back in. He is hard on himself and his mistakes after a loss. He does better in "big" games rather than small ones. He is a self-employed contactor but hates taking small jobs because he says he can make that small amount of money faster by playing cards. He likes to "test" people in general life because he can read them so well. So - the reason I am here - should I be worried? Should I run or am I safe? What other things should I look for? This is the first weekend he has chosen to go play cards over spending it with me. I suppose the red flags are flying for me right now!
Thank you in advance for your sound advice!
L
Thank you in advance for your sound advice!
L
You have every right to be concerned and your antenna is working as it should. The first thing you have to think about is you have only been dating 5 months. That is not a very long time so if you need to extricate yourself from the relationship you still can.
Questions you need to ask yourself:
How many more nights/weekends will I put up with him leaving me for poker?
How much of my finances am I willing to entangle with his?
Why didn't he ask me to go with him to play?
Only you know or can find out the possible answers to those questions so I don't know how you will choose. However, it seems to me that is he doesn't have a problem now, he certainly can develop one in the future and the turning down smaller jobs is a BIG red flag to me because it seems with this economy you would want to take EVERY job so you can build clients. Just because he can make the money playing cards doesn't mean that it is good business.
So here we have him blowing off work for poker AND blowing off a weekend with a relatively new girlfriend for poker. The bottom line is that poker has already WON two times. Do the math!
Please check in regularly and I am sure there are other folks here who will respond that are further along in the process than I am. But I feel you really need to be concerned.
Hugs!
Poker is a very enticing game
I have noticed many who play it don't even categorize it as gambling
But actually far from the truth
When your putting money out there based solely on 2 random cards you have in your hands it's gambling
I have seen some make money on it, however you can be an excellent player but luck is also a factor and who you play with I also a factor
By the things you mentioned...FB, reading, playing a few times a week it does sound that he is pretty into it not just a hobby
You have to ultimately decide if you care enough about him to tolerate the gambling.
He could still care for you and value the relationship however it's all based on his actions, though he plays poker how deep in it is he?
How does he make you feel?
There is no doubt poker is a game that is highly addicting
Yes there is some skill involved but its still gambling
You decide feel things out a little more before you make any decision
Sounds to me like BF has a gambling problem and only he can be the one to really decide if its serious or not. And you too can make that decision if its serious or not... but only for yourself.
Guard your $ closely... most compulsive gamblers are theives... I know I was.
Things to watch out for (just my opinion) are:
1. if he starts going more often
2. if he neglects responsibilities or people to go more often
3. if he starts losing money he doesn't have and then trying to win it back
4. if he starts hiding it or trying to lie about it.
I wish you the best of luck in getting the answers you are looking for :)